Loss of my son Joe;

by martha cruz
(harlingen, tx)

My son Joe just passed away on May 06, 2012. It was so unexpected he was pre med major at the univeristy of north texas in denton. He was the center of our world my husband his sisters and his little brother and I are so lost without him.
I keep asking why him. He passed away in his bedroom still don't know why. Joe was so loving never held a grudge his life was going good he loved his family, friends, and first and foremost the LORD. He always talked to his friends about GOD and encouraged a lot of kids to go to college. No my son was not perfect no person ever is I don't know if it is a stage I am going through but I have so much anger inside I am always on ther verge of tears its not fair to my other kids. I just want him back. I keep asking Joe why did you lelave us God why did you take him he had a whole future planned. His sisters and brothers are hurting so much could you not see that would happen to them. I wish we at least could have said good bye. we miss you so much. I know its not right but I keep telling myself its not fair that the people around are so happy with their families when mine is so broken. I just want to be able to take the pain away from my other kids I don't want them to hurt anymore.

Comments for Loss of my son Joe;

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Dec 24, 2012
missing you
by: martha

joe; it is christmas and things are not the same without you. I can not seem to go on like i should I love you so much I miss you so much.
always mom.

Sep 12, 2012
by: martha

thank you so much for help there are days that I wish I could just hide from the world life seems to be getting harder and harder

Jul 13, 2012
thank you
by: martha

mary; pat; doreen;
thank you for your honest comments. I don't have a support group been dealing on my own I come from a large family but they don't know what to say think they are afraid of making me cry but I am crying all the time no matter what I have my husband but he is dealing with our loss also and my children are taking it so hard we talk about Joe a lot but I know I as a mother need outside help and was glad when I came upon this website. please keep me updated how everyone is doing. again thank and may god bless you for taking the time to respond to me reading your stories did help some helps me understand what i am feeling is normally.

Jul 13, 2012
Jesus calling
by: Jeff

So, so sorry for the loss of your son. My son, Nick was killed at work at the end of April. He was 25. The last time I saw him was Christmas. My sister gave me a book "Jesus Calling" and I try to take a sentence or two with me every day. It helps me to focus which is what I know I need to do. Written by a woman who must have a VERY close relationship with Him. Wow, this is hard to write. Hope this can be of some help to you. Jeff

Jul 12, 2012
Loss of my son Joe;
by: Doreen U.K.

Martha I am sorry for your loss of your son Joe. A sudden death. You will be in shock and disbelief. You will then become angry and this is the start of your grief.
I lost my husband to cancer 8 weeks ago. My sister lost her 30year old son. Losing a child is worse. Parents don't expect to bury their children. Martha my heart breaks for you. I couldn't bear to lose one of my children. I wouldn't recover from this. I am like you. I can't bear to hear of other people making plans in life. It feels very irritable to hear of people laughing and being merry when we are suffering so much. I am so angry and I am wondering when these angry feelings will end. It is hard for you having to be the strong one and care for how the rest of your family are. Make sure you get good support so that you are not carrying the burden for everyone. Otherwise you will break down. TAke one day at a time and get some grief counselling as a family. this will greatly help all of you cope better. Don't be so busy that you don't grieve. It will get worse down the line. It is so lonely now. I will never get used to this lonliness. Nothing can fill this void in my life now. I have been so busy that I need to work through my grief books more so that I can be in a happier place. I hope that you have better days ahead as a family and that the sorrow you feel will be eased with the support of each other.

Jul 12, 2012
thank you
by: martha

thank you these past couple of months i have felt so alone as a parent although i have my husband i seem to be pushing him away i can see myself i am just so angry so angry that other people get to have their families complete and they are so happy and mine is hurting so much. we have not gone into my sons bedroom everything is as he left it I keep waiting for him to walk in the door or call me at anytime and it doesn't happen i feel like i am going to choke half the time but i keep pushing myself because of my other kids again thanks I wish no other parent would feel what we feel.

Jul 12, 2012
Dealing with loss
by: Pat J

I experienced the same feelings; asking the same questions. My loss was not of a child. I can only imagine your pain and grief. My loss was my husband. We were married 46 years on Jume 26. 2011. He died from a massive heart attack on the 27th of June, at 12:10 a.m. One minute he was sitting on the side of our bed, asking for something to drink. He took two sips of his Pepsi, put the glass down, sat back on the bed, his head went down. I did not realize it until a moment later that he was gone. Called 911, did the CPR, kept telling them he wasn't breathing. I relive that nightmare a year later.
I asked why me? He was such a good man and loving husband, father, and grandfather(PaPa).
A year later, I say, why not me, am I any different than anyone else; am I so special as to be spared this awful grief. I don't know Gods plan for me and my children and grandchilden. I am just living it one day at a time.
When Leonard(Red) died a part of me died with him. When his casket was put in the ground, I wanted to crawl in there with him. I didn't care if I lived or died. A year later, I do not want to die, I want to live for my family. I miss Red terribly. This ache in my heart will always be there, as yours will be. My mother-in-law, lost her husband 40 years ago. She lost three of her eight children in the last ten years. She told me losing her husband was hard; but losing her children is so much worse. She told me it isn't easy, our life is forever changed, but we just have to go on.
I feel our loved ones are watching over us. I talk to my husband daily; first thing every morning and the last thing everynight. He died here at home and I feel he is here with me. I am not alone, neither are you, your son is watching over you. You have other children; support each other, talk about your son; talk about your feelings.
Don't hide your feelings. Get a support system. I joined a grief support group through my church. I have developed a great friendship with three other widows. We are alaways there for each other; do things together; cry together; and we now can laugh together; that was something I never thought I would do again. I feel God brought us together. I feel when we are together, so are our husbands. We "Get It" as we alaways say.
Yes, my life is forever changed, as yours is. We don't like this new life, as I call it. I so miss everything about my husband. He was not perfect, but he was mine since the age of 15. Now, I have to go on without him physically, but spiritually he is always with me. I am grateful to have had him in my life at all.
You didn't have your son, for as long as we as parents expect to have our children. We go before them,right? For many of us, God has a different plan,one that we will never understand.
Again, Martha, I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Joe. God Bless you and your family. Take it one day at a time; sometimes moments at a time.

Jul 12, 2012
I understand your pain
by: Mary E

I also lost my son last Nov. 2011 from diabetes. He was 29 yrs (Vale Chapa). We are so lost without him and I know its hard to move forward without him. I cry all the times but I always say to people what postive and beautiful things he did when he was alive, I hope this helps...My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...

From a Crying Mother

Jul 12, 2012
So sorry
by: Sandy A

Martha - I am so sorry for the loss of your son Joe.
Your anger is very normal and let it out. Its okay to scream and be mad and angry - and yes angry with God. My son passed 1 1\2 yrs ago and was 28. I was also very angry with God, why take my son? Sadly we will never know the answer. You are so new in this grief, take the time to take care of yourself - it sounds as if Joe was a God loving person. He is with Jesus now - as is my son. They are our angels watching from above. Most of all pray - pray for strength to get through just one day at a time. You will never accept this but you do learn to live one day at a time. My prayers are with you.

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