Loss of my Soul Mate

by Kelly
(Colorado)

I would like to tell you about the most wonderful, beautiful woman that I have been married to for 7 years. She took my breath away the first time I met her at our school that we work together at...still. Which will continue to make this loss even more difficult as we learn to just be coworkers.

Three weeks ago I read a text message from a "friend" of hers that said..."thinking of you. and us." I was devastated. I confronted her about it and asked her if she had feelings for her. She told me that she didn't know. Since then she has left me (physically and emotionally) to pick of the pieces of our last 7 years together. She has had the nerve to tell me that she has felt that we were only friends for the past two years. We have always promised one another that we would go to counseling if we ever needed it. As soon as she told me I found a counselor right away and we are in therapy, but I feel so hopeless because she will not agree to try on our marriage. She says that once her feelings are gone she isn't certain that they would ever come back! I asked her to just try...for her, for me, for us, for our family, for the life that we have built together.

I was blindsided by this news, surprised and I do not agree with her perception of our relationship. I am angry that she did not seek any help for her or for us 2 years ago. I feel like she broke my trust and she broke her commitment to me and our lives. I have never cried so hard in my entire life and I know that I am grieving the end of our relationship. This is all so new and I find myself in denial and thinking that we can make it through this. We have made it through so many other things...why not this?

I found myself the other day standing in the medicine isle looking for something to help me...I realized at that very moment what I needed was a pill for a broken heart! It made me break down in front of everyone at the store. I am so ashamed that I can't hold it together long enough to go into a store and shop. I can't go to work without sobbing in my friend's arms. I have cried in front of my students and can't find the strength sometimes to keep it all together.

My mind races every second of everyday. I keep trying to figure out why this happened, when she stopped loving me, why she didn't tell me, why is she now in love with another woman and here I am still wanting her back and for her to love me again like she has for the past 7 years. I did not sign up for this when we committed ourselves to each other. She keeps telling me that her new love has nothing to do with us. I think that is a cop-out! She keeps trying to convince me that I have been unhappy. It is so far from the truth it has physically made me throw up. This is all so difficult to stomach.

We have all the same friends and coworkers since we work together, we have bought a house and adopted two beautiful dogs together. We have all our finances and debt intertwined so tightly that I am not certain I can easily just get out of this terrible situation. It makes me want to run and scream...WHY ME???? I am a good person! I am kind, generous, caring, compassionate, loving, supportive, reflective, understanding, devoted and committed. I poured my heart, soul, mind, and body into this relationship and I am now broken. Broken so badly that I do not think I can or ever will recover from this loss.

She is coming back to the house on Thursday...we go to counseling again on Friday. I don't even know which direction is up or down right now! How will we live in the same house? How will we care for our dogs and finances? I have spent the last three days putting up a wall in our back room so that one of us can move into that room. She is house sitting...taking it easy and I am sure talking with and spending time with her new love. How did this happen to us? I thought that we were so solid and committed for life to one another. I am devastated! My pain has been so deep I can do nothing but hurt and cry. I am scared that I am pushing away my friends and family because I just call them and cry. They are hurting for me too and just want to help, but they are so far away.

If there is anyone else out there that has been in my shoes...I FEEL and KNOW your pain! I am so sorry for you too! May the storm past quickly and may the sun, rain and rainbow of hope appear soon!

Comments for Loss of my Soul Mate

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Apr 02, 2013
shes just gone.
by: Anonymous

I have just read this. Only yesterday my fiancee of five and a half years told me she was no longer in love with me and hadn't been for 6 months. We have been best friends since we were 8. And have been together since I was 18 and she 16. Everything about my life is linked with us. We live together and have for 5 years, have pets together and support eachother financially. Even everyone who knows us says that our relationship is perfect. We are completely intertwined with each other. She is my rock, my best friend, my family, my lover and my soul mate. My reason for living. She says she will move out soon but that she doesn't want a life without me. She wants me in her life but as a friend and says that even without a relationship we are more than best friends and she will forever love and care for me. I do not know how to breathe or eat or live without her by my side. She is all I have ever known. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression as well and dont know if I am strong enough to deal with this. I cannot see how I will start to feel any better. I want for nothing but her. :'(

Jan 25, 2013
Been there..
by: Anonymous

Hey, I just read your story. I too went thru the same thing. Except I was the one breaking up with my long term boyfriend. I had to leave because he no longer participated in our relationship, I found out his bi-sexual and I couldn't live with someone in this horrible lie.

I loved him with every ounce of my being, and he was my life for 7 years too. But after seeing him acting out, again with one of my friends this time was too much. The fantasy I had of what we were was hard to take when I realized it was only my fantasy. He didn't want the same things I wanted. It's as simple as that. He didn't love me anymore. I was tired of the pain that I would never have the relationship I needed.

I moved out to house sit myself, to get away from the pain of seeing him and the anger I felt toward him, but after completely letting him go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was in a deep depression for almost 2 years. I thought of suicide as a way out of the horrific pain I felt. I thought I was going to die!! I guess a part of me did when he left. And I wonder to this day if I will ever love someone like that again.

It was hard going on without "us" but I realized that I had to. I deserve a man that really loves me, just me as I am. Flaws and all. I'm fairly attractive and pretty but it wasn't enough apparently to keep him in love with me. I was devoted, loyal and I would have done anything for him. Real women do exist. I wonder the sane thing about men now. I fell apart finally after 6 months after the breakup, talk about being a wreck! I never knew one could cry and sob that much!!

Now, it's better. I had to let go of the what ifs and the whys, and what did I do wrong? Why didn't he pick me forever? But I was told by a good friend, "we don't ask why!" It is that's all. Otherwise I'd go insane although I was insane with grief and loss for 2 years. It does get better after you decide that you have to go on with life and let go. There is an end to the pain if you let go and accept that he/she wasn't the one. Not the right one who loves you for who you truly are. I had to start taking better care of myself, and start valuing my own great worth. We take risks when we love, there are no guarantees, but if we can stay honest and chose wisely there is hope that love will last, I think you have to constantly grow on your own to bring that to the relationship and the fact is that not everyone can love the same way we do. You will get thru this stronger and let this experience break your heart open, and hopefully you can forgive her for letting you go.

I hope your ok now. Better days are ahead of you. Great luck!!!

Apr 19, 2011
Strawberry
by: Anonymous

Well its been awhile now and i hope your starting to see the light.. I still struggle day by day and minute by minute but i finally see her bolting was the best thing for me.. If she is that fake then i deserve better and so do you. I never thought i could hurt so bad and for so long.. These fake hos give all other women a bad name..

Apr 08, 2011
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for commenting. I am so sorry for your loss too. I just moved my things out of the house today. I watched every dream I had with her fly out the window. I hope this pain will end soon for us both very soon.

Mar 29, 2011
You have No idea bud
by: Anonymous

I didnt see when this was posted but i feel ya for sure.. I went through and still am going through to this day.. Only difference is my ex is with a guy with the EXACT first and LAST name as me.. Its a trip and these last 5 months have been the worst nightmare of my life. I do promise you it gets easier by the day but don't rush it. Those feelings just prove you are real.. I'm not speaking to all but im tired of all these fake immature women, GROW up and be real.. Again be real if not for us then for urself. Holla. Keep ya head up partner that girl will be miserable the rest of hr fake life and i promise you'll land urself a dime piece

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