loss of parents

by carol h
(houston tx)

the last month has been the most difficult i have ever experienced in my life. on December 6 2012 i lost my mom to a car accident. she had cancer and pneumonia but was improving. but then she was killed instantly. my step dad died on Jan 1 of this year as a result of the injuries he sustained in the same accident. he was in a coma but came out of it, but then slipped back and was gone from us forever. i just don't know what to do without my parents. its like my whole world was pulled out from under me. i can barely function. i don't want to clean house anymore. I'm not cooking meals for my family. i ache all over. I'm so angry at God for taking my parents. why would he do this to me? don't the care that i am in pain? i am also angry at the driver that hit them. they walked away without a scratch. do they know they caused the death of my parents? do they even care? do they feel guilt and remorse? to top it off my husband is very ill with emphysema. he now needs constant care. its just more than i can deal with. I'm just not that strong! i want to crawl into bed and forget the world exists. its not fair that i am burdened so heavily. i wish i was stronger. i could continue on as if nothing happened. i would have as much energy as before. but my grief is crippling and i don't know what to do about it. why wasn't i in the car with them? why couldn't it be me that died and not them?

Comments for loss of parents

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Jan 26, 2013
I get scared
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol it is quite normal to feel the way you do. death makes us vulnerable to losing other people from our lives. You are traumatised by your loss of both your parents and so you are feeling in a panic. You would greatly benefit from grief counselling so that you will hopefully be able to eventually lead a norma life otherwise this feeling of panic will never go and your life will be limited. You have had a most horrific trauma losing both your parent to a sudden death.
I lost my husband to cancer 9 months ago and my sister-in-law gets very worried if she can't contact me. She somehow thinks something terrible has happened to me. I expect she too is feeling very vulnerable since losing her brother (my husband. My younger sister does the same thing. She is so petrified of losing me. The death of my husband has affected everyone the same way. You are not alone.

Jan 25, 2013
i get scared
by: carol h

i dont know whats wrong with me. i am in this mode that if i dont hear from my family members every day that something bad has happened to them. if my kids are a few minutes late i panic. my brother usually texts me every day once in the morning and calls me on his lunch break at work. or if he's off we will call and talk for an hour. is this normal? both of my parents were killed in a car accident mom died instantly on dec 6 my step dad jan 1. if i hear sirens i start freaking out and getting upset. i have to close my ears so i dont hear it. am i in need of professional help?

Jan 15, 2013
loss of parents
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol I am sorry for your loss of your parents to a tragic accident. I felt the same way as you. I wished I had died 8 months ago instead of my husband. We were married 44yrs. and he died of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. Carol I feel all beaten up with grief. This sorrow just makes the body so weak and tired all the time. Part of your grief will be to feel intense ANGER. I can identify with how you feel. I was ANGRY with God for a long time as prayer went up for my husband all over America and I was so sure my husband would be HEALED. He died 8 months ago and I was devastated. I nursed my husband for over 3yrs. and I know how tiring and difficult it is being a caregiver. It is natural to wonder how you can go on. It is also reasonable to feel that you can't cope and that this is all too much for you to bear. You feel as if you are falling apart and have no strength. Seek God for strength to cope. It will amaze you how you will cope with all you have to do. You can get support from seeing a grief counsellor. You can also see if Social Services will support you in your care of your husband. Also see your General Practitioner and let him or her know how you are feeling and that you can't cope with this. Just don't suffer alone. You sound as if you have no support. This can then seem like you are carrying a heavy burden. Please see that someone is available to help you from the medical profession and also Social Services. I hope that you will get the support you need and that you will be comforted in your sorrow and grief. Write back if you have to. Do not suffer alone.

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