loss of several siginicant people in my life

by Cheryl Kirkpatrick
(Hesperia Ca usa)

My story begins 1983 When I lost my mother, I was 16 years old. I got through life with my husband at my side.But mulitiple losses began November 2009. I lost my grandmother november 23, As I was going to my dads to arrange for my grandmothers service, my aunt which was my legal guardian in 1983 passed away December 2, 2009 On December 26 2009, my uncle married to my aunt which too was my legal guardian in 1983 passed away.On fathers day of June 19 2011, I went to work and later found my own father went to bed and died that night.My husband was ill,and with the loss of many family members I pulled away from my husband.I believe it was to cushion the hit. Should he too pass. On October 2 2011 my husband was admitted to a hospitals ER, for diabetic related issues. They released him in a couple hours.He was rushed back to the hospital by 7:30 pm. That night he went into cardiac arrest, and went into a coma.He never came out of the Coma and died December 30 2011. I have but my four kids left living.I have no one to turn to because my kids have not had the same relations with my family.Showing my emotions is difficult, because of the loss in my life. How do you begin to start living and trusting life without the cost of lossing emotions and feeling as if you love just anyone they will die as well.

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Feb 22, 2012
Everyone I loved was gone!!!
by: MIssLindsey

Starting in June 1986 I lost 6 family members including my Mom and Dad (Dad died on Christmas Eve) I also had 2 miscarriages that same year and at the end of it all my husband informed me that he was leaving me because he could not deal with all my sadness. 2 1/2 years later I married again and within the next 10 years 11 more members of my dear family also died including grandparents, aunts and uncles, inlaws and my 21 year old daughter who had battled leukemia for 11 years. Finally in 2001 my husband was killed in a farming accident....there was no one left. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I had been battling severe depression/PTSD for most of this time. THere was not one minute of any day that I was not plagued horribly by the memories of relationships I would never again enjoy. I made numerous suicide attempts. I shunned friends, sure that if they became close to me they too would die. Finally at my wits end in 2004 I began looking for a doctor who could perform a lobotomy...I wanted to surgically remove the memories and pain they brought every minute of every day. I was in agony!!!!!! I had been engaging God in a bitter dialogue ranging from bargaining for the return of my loved ones, to demands for their return, to furious threats that I would expose his heartless nature and turn from him. In April 2004, physically, emotionally, completely and totally exhausted from the strain of my ordeal and lack of comfort or response from God, I disengaged from everything I refused to talk, I rarely ate, I took pain killers, tranquilizers, and sleeping pills that were prescribed to me as well as large quantities of alcohol until I was in a Zombie-like state. I was so exhausted and drugged that for several days I was unable to remember to take the pills. I awoke one morning bemused that the the terrible endless depression was not there. I was sure that it would return, but days went by and it was gone. One night shortly thereafter I had a dream and in the dream all I heard was a still authoratative voice say "Enough". I have never to this day in 2012 been suicidally depressed again. I have been challenged by life events and situational sadness but never the seemingly endless grief. I like to believe that it was God saying "Enough" to my pain and that even though my dialogue with God was confrontational for many years he was able to work with me as long as I was still talking to him, no matter how presumptuous my conversations with him may have been. It was a miserable experience beyond measure but I finally did find peace and can remember my beloved family and hope to be with them again some day without being tortured by the memories.

Feb 21, 2012
Loss Hurts
by: TrishJ

Cheryl~
I am truly so sorry for your losses. I have been trying desperately to get over the loss of my husband. Some days it just seems to unreal to me.
You have suffered tremendous loss. It doesn't seem fair does it.
I feel like you. I don't think I would want to be involved with anyone again because I don't know if I could go through the loss. I worry myself sick that something is going to happen to one of my children or three little grandsons. They always say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I've had enough too. Time for some smooth sailing.
It's not easy. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done-losing my husband. I guess somehow we just have to have the faith that God will take care of us. It's really hard though. I'm reluctant to enter into new relationships for the same reason you stated.
I hope you find some joy soon. We have to learn to appreciate the little things.
Peace.

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