loss of three family members all in 14 months,close to all three.
I have recently been putting my life back together. I lost my brother, and mother within six months of each other,eight months after my mom passed away, I decided I needed to see my father, I found out he was sick, very sick and within six weeks he also passed away. My life seemed to be over at this point,I couldn't handle grieving anymore. I shut down shut out everyone around me. I went to work, ( only because I worked in a memory care unit) and there they needed me, and I took care of my mom and watched her get sicker and then pass away, so the nursing home was my only escape and I had to function daily. As soon as I got home I went to my room and only did what I had to. Nothing more, I was a shell, withdrawn, empty,how could God take away my brother, then my mother,and as soon as I ran to my daddy, he was gone too. I even got mad and yelled at my brother why did you leave me alone to care for mom. Then I yelled at my mom why did you leave me you were my best friend, I miss you so much,but also I was happy because my brother wasn't alone and neither one was suffering anymore. Well when my dad passed away I was numb no feelings, Just going through motions, I lost ones I loved and I know my family thought I must be crazy. Exactly one year after my father passed away I looked up at the sky and said dad please forgive me. I haven't been able to grieve for you, but it has been one year since I lost you and two years since the grieving started I need to live again. Dad I love you and miss you ,and I have to live again, please forgive me?!
That day I decided to move, start school and change as much of my life as I could. I still miss my family so much,and sometimes I cry, I miss my mother the most in September it will be five years and the holidays are hard but her birthday is the hardest because on my birthday and hers we always made that are time our weekend for years.The pain lessens and we can feel again, but it never seems to go away for long. But I need to remember that they each were very sick and I was there and I knew their pain so I know in my heart they are whole again.