Loss of trust, caused by betrayal

by Grieving

I learned recently that my husband propositioned my sister - almost 2 years ago, and learned subsequently, that he was seen by another sister, out having dinner with a woman about 5 years ago. Turns out, my entire family was aware of these betrayals all these years, but never told me. My intense sadness and anger is not directed at my family, but my husband. Are these betrayals only the tip of the iceberg? If he would proposition my own sister...what else has he done? I still can't wrap my brain around this situation, and not sure what stage I am in - as I seem to vacillate between deep sadness and anger. I have lost something so precious - trust...is it gone forever? How do I rise past this? Is forgiveness possible any time soon?

Comments for Loss of trust, caused by betrayal

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Jun 18, 2011
by: Anonymous

Friends can betray also. It has taken me months of reflection and numerous attempts to make things be good again to realize this person did not care as much as I did and I must give up. It is very sad and hard to recover from. It is like a death. In some ways, it may be worse, because you know they could make things right, but they choose to be "dead to you". It is like a divorce I suppose, where one person wants things to work out and keeps trying and the other does not. Heartbreaking. I am sure there is some good that will come in the end, but at this time, it is hard to see it. As Elisabeth Elliot always said, "Do the next thing" I try to think of this often and keep moving forward. It helps. I am sorry for anyone who has suffered from deep grief. I would not wish it on anyone.

May 07, 2011
The River of Pain
by: Efrati

I heard this once, and I'm paraphrasing badly, but 'Don't try to cross the bridge of forgiveness until the river of pain stops running.'

I had a very similar experience with a best friend stealing a boyfriend from me. Anger is a good place to start--embrace it to free yourself from this man. "Tip of the iceberg?" No, you've seen/heard enough. Taking action to free yourself from this deceiver will empower you. And in the future, you may experience anger at those who didn't tell you sooner. That's okay. Stand up for yourself and let your anger empower you. Loss of trust is a deep, deep pain.

I think that there is a lot to be done before you can even think of forgiveness. That comes after.

May 04, 2011
by: J

Hello ...my heart goes out to you..I know just how you feel..I was betrayed years ago by my 1st husband while i was 6 months pregnant! The anger, the grief and sadness is unbearable, but I still had my unborn baby to consider,and that to me was far more important than some two bit jerk! I told him to go..no question about that! and he did, I felt huge relief at him going...as I thought if he's done this even once ,he'll never change! My life was too important, and I didnt want it wrecked..so my advice hun, is show him the door! any man that tries it on with your own sister is a bum!! You're worth more! Dont look back, look ahead, there's a nice guy out there somewhere who will respect, love & devote his life to you..Go for it!! I did, and I married again, to a lovely honest & sincere man, that was 25yrs ago!! Good Luck xxx

May 04, 2011
Broken Trust
by: TrishJ

On Monday, Shania Twain was on Oprah. She sort of disappeared a few years ago. She has written a book about the end of her marriage. Her husband cheated on her with her best friend, who Shania was confiding in the whole time. She was telling he friend something didn't seem right and the friend was telling her she was just over tired, stressed, imagining things. Even after her husband asked her for a divorce, the friend still didn't let her in on what was going on. She continued to cry on this woman's shoulder. I see this woman as one of the sickest walking around in today's society. Any man who would do this to his wife is not a nice person and not worth having in their life. Wife's deserve better.

Betrayal is one thing, so many men do it without giving it a second thought. To approach a family member is heartless, cruel and unforgivable. There is no excuse for that. I would suggest getting Shania's book to see how she handled things. She was beautiful, glowing and very happy on Oprah! She obviously knows she deserves better.

Good luck. God bless. Don't take any cr@#!!

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