Loss of Uncle and Mom within 12 hours.
My sisters and I
I am 18 years old, and I've just been through the toughest tragedy I believe I may ever go through. My story begins on 11-9-12, the day my boyfriend asked me to marry him in front of my uncle who was battling cancer. Of course I said yes. The next day my uncle lost his battle to cancer, which was on 11-10-12. He was one of the only people I trusted in the world. I feel so lost without him. His wife, who married into the family 15 years ago, and my grandmother I felt I had to be strong for. I stayed that night with my Uncle's wife in the house he had passed in earlier that day, as well as my new fiance, my mother, and my mother's dead beat husband. That entire day and entire night I spent grieving to the point that I was sick, and my mother did the same. The next morning on 11-11-12, I found my mother deceased in my uncles home. I woke up to my aunt screaming "Your mother is dead'! Pure terror overtook my body. How could I have not checked her blood pressure or her blood sugar levels before I passed out?? Was I that out of it? I feel so much guilt on so many levels and coping is hard. The one thing that brings me joy is that I fought my moms husband for custody of my precious 6 and 7 year old sisters and won. He doesn't even come around anymore. He didn't tell his children Merry Christmas. He's not there for them since our mom died, in fact he moved in another woman into her home right after her funeral. I am enraged. I feel like a lost and wounded bird. This was not how I planned my first semester as a Freshman in the University but somehow I pulled through with okay grades, after losing the closest two people in my family to me, and gaining custody of my two sweet little sisters. I look like I have my ducks in a row on the outside and to other people but I feel like I'm slowing losing my sanity on the inside. I silently cry every night before bed, and every time I get in the shower. On the inside, I'm screaming and breaking things, but to the outside world I'm strong, brave, and responsible. In reality though, I don't feel like I can keep it up very much longer. The pain is just eating me away. I want to be able to laugh and smile again without faking it. I want to be able to keep it all together. I want to give my young sisters a happy life, a life that they wouldn't have had the chance to get before all of this sadly. I don't want them to hurt the way I do. I want to be able to give them all the right answers to all the questions their little minds may ask. I want to be a GOOD sister and role model but this pain is eating me away and its hard to bear alone.