Loss of Uncle and Mom within 12 hours.

by Taylor

My sisters and I

My sisters and I

My sisters and I
My Handsome Uncle Terry
My Beautiful Mom
What Keeps Me Going

I am 18 years old, and I've just been through the toughest tragedy I believe I may ever go through. My story begins on 11-9-12, the day my boyfriend asked me to marry him in front of my uncle who was battling cancer. Of course I said yes. The next day my uncle lost his battle to cancer, which was on 11-10-12. He was one of the only people I trusted in the world. I feel so lost without him. His wife, who married into the family 15 years ago, and my grandmother I felt I had to be strong for. I stayed that night with my Uncle's wife in the house he had passed in earlier that day, as well as my new fiance, my mother, and my mother's dead beat husband. That entire day and entire night I spent grieving to the point that I was sick, and my mother did the same. The next morning on 11-11-12, I found my mother deceased in my uncles home. I woke up to my aunt screaming "Your mother is dead'! Pure terror overtook my body. How could I have not checked her blood pressure or her blood sugar levels before I passed out?? Was I that out of it? I feel so much guilt on so many levels and coping is hard. The one thing that brings me joy is that I fought my moms husband for custody of my precious 6 and 7 year old sisters and won. He doesn't even come around anymore. He didn't tell his children Merry Christmas. He's not there for them since our mom died, in fact he moved in another woman into her home right after her funeral. I am enraged. I feel like a lost and wounded bird. This was not how I planned my first semester as a Freshman in the University but somehow I pulled through with okay grades, after losing the closest two people in my family to me, and gaining custody of my two sweet little sisters. I look like I have my ducks in a row on the outside and to other people but I feel like I'm slowing losing my sanity on the inside. I silently cry every night before bed, and every time I get in the shower. On the inside, I'm screaming and breaking things, but to the outside world I'm strong, brave, and responsible. In reality though, I don't feel like I can keep it up very much longer. The pain is just eating me away. I want to be able to laugh and smile again without faking it. I want to be able to keep it all together. I want to give my young sisters a happy life, a life that they wouldn't have had the chance to get before all of this sadly. I don't want them to hurt the way I do. I want to be able to give them all the right answers to all the questions their little minds may ask. I want to be a GOOD sister and role model but this pain is eating me away and its hard to bear alone.

Comments for Loss of Uncle and Mom within 12 hours.

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Feb 21, 2013
Same boat Taylor ;(
by: Kaitlyn

Hey Taylor,

Unfortunately, I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you. I lost my mom to a long, tough breast cancer battle in November of 2012. I am 18 and a freshmen in college. This is definitely not how I expected to spend my first semester, much less the rest of my life.

It's probably the hardest thing ever, without a doubt. No one understands. Everyone offers their condolences and 'if you ever need to talk I'm here'. No you aren't, you don't get it. Why us?

I always get really emotional at night also. I cry myself to sleep multiple times a week. My roommate is always fast asleep and doesn't notice, but it's awful. My best friend is gone. I still talk to her all the time but it's not the same not hearing her voice directly.

I never though I'D be that girl... Never thought this would happen to ME. But I'm not the only one and you aren't either. Hopefully things will look up for us soon, and slowly but surely we will cope and cry when we need to but be able to be strong without putting on an act for our moms and your uncle.

God bless you, stay strong!

Jan 12, 2013
Loss of Uncle and Mom within 12 hours.
by: Doreen U.K.

Taylor I am sorry for your loss of your Uncle and your mom within hours of each other. This is such a cruel tragedy.
You are already a good daughter, niece, and sister for what you have done and are still reaching out to do for everyone. You are trying too hard to be the best caretaker to your two young sisters, and to draw everyone into your world where you can keep them safe and cared for. Just don't take on too much. WE all have our limitations. Pace yourself. Do only what your can. Try and put into place some counselling for yourself. You said you are not sure you can cope with much more. This is where a good counsellor can come in and support you all. If you are in an emotionally stable frame of mind and coping you will be better able to care for your sisters. Try and get some good support for yourself. Don't neglect your own care and make sure to take care of yourself. This is paramount with all the responsibility you have taken on. Delegate responsibilities where you can. With the right support you will be in a better position to cope and Heal from your loss of your dear Uncle and Mom. Grief can get tangled up if too many losses happen and not grieved each loss. You will be disoriented and feel this is not happening. This is how the body and mind copes with death. Life won't stay this way. It has to get better otherwise our grief would kill us. You will see your mom again.

Jan 12, 2013
Do what you can to find help
by: Anonymous

Hello Taylor, your story speaks of courage and wisdom, yet you are so very young. Some regard the age of 18 as the final transition from adolescence into adulthood. It is a time when you should be embracing freedom and the anticipation of a bright future with strong and healthy parents to support you. Instead, you find yourself in a role which was never intended to be yours.

While I fully realise that your love for your little sisters surpasses any emotion which you are experiencing at this time, I also believe that, at your tender age and theirs, you are not emotionally equipped to deal with their needs or your own as you progress into the future. Even if you are able to support them financially, it is likely that you do not have the experience and the emotional strength to cater for the needs of two young ladies who will grow and develop faster than you can imagine. For that reason, I believe you should seek help.

I live very far away from the U.S. but we understand that your country has a constitution which upholds the freedom and security of the community above all else. There are opportunities in your country for guidance and assistance in your circumstances which do not exist in most other countries. Those opportunities are there to be used. Do whatever you can to get the help and support which you will need in your aspirations to provide a home for yourself and your sisters.

I wish you the best.

Jan 12, 2013
I grieve with you
by: Marie

Taylor, I am out of words myself but tears just keep pouring out. We are seven days apart of our tragic moments and it seems that two months were only yesterday. God has plans for you, making you an instant mother for your two sisters who are blessed to have a loving sister such as yourself. I salute your courage and spirit in going through this formidable task, but rest assured that your mom and your uncle will always be there for you. I am terribly sorry for your losses and know that you are not alone.

Jan 10, 2013
Loss of Uncle and Mom within 12 hours.
by: traci

i am really sorry for your double loss but you are a good sister, you have been so brave and you have done a wonderful job. the turmoil inside is natural you have been through so much pain and you are so young. you must be kind to yourself and understand you need to grieve it does sometimes take a few years to start feeling a little better so time will make things better. your difficulties one day will pass and your sisters will grow enjoy the time you have with them now it will be repaid when they are older.
remember you can only do the best you can and try and find someone you can talk to. my thoughts are with you

Jan 09, 2013
What an inspiration
by: Anonymous

You are an inspiration, as impossible as it may seem, day's do get easier. There are still days (like today for me) when I feel so upset and angry about my loss I don't quite know what to do with myself but I know in a couple of days I will get it together again and carry on, just like my brother would have wanted me to do. Watching those little girls grow up will be such a joy and what your mom and uncle would have wanted, i'm not religious but I believe somewhere they are together keeping an eye on you and guiding you. Stay strong xxx

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