Lost 2 moms to Cancer and other griefs.
When I was just 8 years old my mother passed away from a rare form of ovarian cancer. She was battling it for 6 years and during that whole time I never understood what was going on. I just remember the one emotion I felt the day she passed was fear in knowing that my life would never be the same. As a young kid I was more confused than upset because I didn't understand death, but as the days went on I started to realize that she was never coming back. Luckily I have a great father and he stayed strong for my brother, sister and I through it. About 2 years later my dad remarried to my step mom and she also had 3 kids close to the same age. Over the years us kids became very close and look at one another as brother and sister rather than step brothers and sisters.
My step mom became diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 14 years old. She battled this for 2 years and passed away peacefully at our home while we were all in school. Right then I felt cheated in life because I looked at her as a mother figure after my mom passed and she was taken away from me also. I felt like I missed a lot of things a normal kid would have had with a mom being there. The next three years were not any easier because my grandma and both grandpa's passed fairly close to each other so showings/funerals seemed like a regular family reunion for us. After this my dad became very depressed and I don't blame after having lost two of his wives. On top of my own grief I had the constant worry for him.
I am currently 21 years old and just this passed week a high-school friend of mine died in a car wreck. When at his showing I got up to his casket and I didn't cry at all and felt nothing. I felt numb inside as if after the years of loss made me desensitized. This scared the hell out of me because I had no emotions whatsoever. I just hate the fact that enough has happened to me already that I could be numb inside at 21.
This one happened in just the last couple of days which triggered me to be depressed and led me to this site. My brother who was always the more quiet one in the family lost control of himself and lost his mind. He is currently in a mental hospital being diagnosed and by the way hes acting it sounds like bipolar disorder. We think its a combination of the loss of his mom and stress from school that triggered it. Overall I have just really been feeling depressed because It seems like something bad is always going to happen. I lost all self esteem and self motivation because there's only so much a person can take in life and I just really want things to look bright but life hasn't given me much chance to recover and move on from my past. I need to talk to my dad and get help but I know how much hes already been through so I try and just be strong for him because I don't want him to worry about me on top of everything else.