Lost and confused. Wish I could forget my life!

by Mandy

I met my ex while we where at school aged 11 till 16. We met up again at 17 and started a relationship. He got a job offer aged 18 and I moved with him 200 miles from all my family and friends - I gave up everything and started a whole new life.
Once we moved in together I realised he had not told me a lot of things about himself - he had mild autism and OCD. I found it incredible difficult when we moved and got incredible home sick. This made him angry and he did not like me contacting my family as he told me this made me too upset. Money was very tight and this pit added pressure on us. I put on a few pounds and he told me he was un happy with this and he didn't eat to have to dump me. This really put pressure on me and I felt really out of control and even more unhappy.
We never got to do anything because of money - in the end he got out 4 credit cards in his name and started buying himself bikes, cameras, started martial arts, gym equipment and clothes. In all this time I got a laptop - I always wanted my nails done but was told I couldn't because of money. There was never any money for me to buy clothes or go out with my friends. I tried so hard to make him happy but the harder I tried the more withdrawn he became.
One night he got back late from a work function. He told me that I needed to think about wether I was happy or not? After much conversation it came out that he had been seeing a girl he worked with and wanted to start a relationship with her (seems like this had already started anyway) he said he was sick of his friends having girlfriends like models and a few actually where models and really pretty and thin. He was sick of not having this, sick of having to put up with me!! I'm now 27 and have spend the best part of 10 years trying me make him happy. I love him sooo much. I feel old and like I have nothing left to give. It's like I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. Who would want a size 12, worn out 27 year old women. I feel broken. I have know him my whole adult life I'm so scared. I hate the thought of seeing them together. She tried to get him to make me homeless or move her in to our flat so ill have no choice but to move out. She hates me and wants to make sure he never talks to me again. I feel so lost!!

Comments for Lost and confused. Wish I could forget my life!

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Jul 09, 2013
I'm so sorry.
by: Anonymous

You have been abused. That's what he did. He abused you. Please understand that first. There are many types of abuse. I know from experience. Having that said. I know that it still hurts. It's still hard to move on but not impossible. If you think no one will want you. You are wrong. And a size 12. Marlin Monroe was a size 16 so that's nothing. But no matter what your size a man who loves you will never call you fat. When my abusive relationship ended I was a size 22 and had three kids. I thought for sure I couldn't get anyone to love me. Just as you feel now. And I meet a wonderful man, a stud a bodybuilder. Who married me while I was still over weight. And loves my kids as his own. I could not get him to say I was fat. If I said anything. He would just say, you know your my sweetheart. So no. Don't take that from anyone. And please know that life and love will go on. I'm so sorry for things he has put you through. Please talk to someone and please know that you are beautiful and worth someone who treats you right

Jul 05, 2013
Dear Mandy,
by: Pat in Missouri

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but the pain you are feeling is not worth putting up with to try to hold on to this guy. He has used you over and over again. Take control back and empower yourself. Get rid of him and move on.

You need to feel better about yourself. You have defined yourself as the other half of a very controlling, 1-sided relationship. Change the locks or put his stuff outside the door. He used you to get what he wanted and you are left feeling like you are all washed up. Move back to where you are comfortable and start all over. You are still young. You can have a very fulfilling life. You never will have with this guy who is cheating on you emotionally, physically, and financially.

I went through a divorce many years ago. I know how painful it is and how difficult it is to move on by yourself, but you can do it. Get some professional help. As the others have suggested, counseling is a very good idea. I did it myself. It really helped me. Keep looking up and reminding yourself that your guy is no longer the loveable kid you met in school. Think of this as a challenging opportunity for you, not against you. You will be free to get the things you never could with this guy who wanted it all for himself. You are also free to explore new relationships, but, first, you will want to find yourself. Who is Mandy and what does Mandy want? When you can answer these questions, go on and get wheatever it is you want.

I wish you the best and send many hugs. Let us know how you are. Pat

Jul 04, 2013
Lost and confused. Wish I could forget my life.
by: Doreen U.K.

Mandy it doesn't matter how much you love this guy he is not loving you back and this is what you need to focus on. He is SELFISH and SELF OBSESSED. You need to get him out of your life so fast. Do you really need someone like this in your life?? You can make a relationship work if you BOTH want it, but this is a one sided relationship where you do all the giving and he does all the taking. There is never a reason for a man to be so cruel to you. He has robbed you of your self esteem and made you feel as if you are going to be alone forever. YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ALONE FOREVER. Try and get some counselling so you get this man totally out of your system and nothing bad left with you that can intrude into another relationship. Don't be obsessed with your size. Let another man love you for who you are and not what size you are. This is HIS PROBLEM and not yours. Go out and pamper yourself. Get your hair done. Do something good for yourself each day. Buy yourself flowers and put nice things around the home to brighten each day. This is what I do since I lost my husband of 44yrs. 14 months ago from cancer. We are the only ones who can restructure our lives and make it better. Then go out and paint the town red as they say in England. Build up your social life and you will win friends and influence people. At least you will be doing something positive for yourself. He doesn't want the same things you do. There is something wrong with him not you. I know it hurts when you love someone so deeply and they don't love you back the same way. It depends on where your FOCUS IS. Change your focus and you change your situation. What has happened to you is enough to make anyone feel Lost and Confused. You can't forget your life. Your life is not DEFINED by what happened to you and what he did to you. Your life is defined by What values you give yourself and how you move past this grief of losing a relationship you wanted. I hope things work out for you. Please write back and let us know how you are doing.

Jul 04, 2013
Leave and forget in Tme
by: Judith in California

Dear Mandy, What is it about yourself that you feel you need this kind of person in your life. Are you going to sit around and let some narcissistic, abusive jerk define you with his emotionally abusive, cruel remarks? OR are you going to get a backbone and just outright leave him and move toward repairing your self esteem and have a better life? I truly hope you do the latter. Size 12 is not big.
Don't stick around and be his verbal punching bag. There is nothing to fear about moving on with your life and finding happiness. There is a book "Victory over Verbal Abuse" by Patricia Evans. Please get it and begin to heal yourself.

Maybe some counseling will come in handy to help you better understand why you are so dependant on someone who has done nothing but put you down at every corner. AND one more thing his feelings about you are all about him. He's a miserable slob so he has to put all that misery onto you to make himself feel better.

Don't it there and take it . Take your self out of the situation for ever.

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