Lost best friend,business partner and wife 37 years,saved by girlfriend and then another heartbreak after breakup

I lost my best friend and wife of 37 years after a 4 year battle with cancer.My wife and I worked side by side for 37 years and went through hell and back while building our businesses.
About 4 months after her death I was reunited with a childhood friend a nurse come into my life.She was a bit of a life saver and we have a great 2.5 years together.We have ended the relationship since she believes that I have had plenty of time to grieve and she does not want to continue to be in a threesome.Im a bit confused because I thought and felt that I had made great progress and our relationship was definitely moving in the right direction.
Well,it has been a brutal couple weeks dealing with our breakup,pretty depressed and wonder if I will be able to love again?

Comments for Lost best friend,business partner and wife 37 years,saved by girlfriend and then another heartbreak after breakup

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Sep 03, 2013
lost best friend,business partner and wife
by: silver

Good idea.Grief counseling helps.I went for a short while but their prices went up(local mental health dept)and I couldn't afford it anymore.I take asthma meds and they cost me.I am on Soc. Sec. widow's pension.A lady at church sent me 4 booklets on handling grief and she also kept in touch with me during the week.That,my faith,my kids and this site have been my lifelines.I hope everything goes well for you.I guess you're right about it being too soon for a deeper relationship.I still can't see me in one.I'll continue to keep you in my prayers.

Sep 02, 2013
Thank you for caring comments.
by: Anonymous

Thank you for all the helpful comments,there is no question that four months was not enough time.My wife was ill for four years and I had been going through counseling for 2 years before she passed which she involved in.I sit here writing this with years in my eyes.I tried very hard not to cross the lines between my wife and friend but things did slip out.The crazy thing is that it was my youngest daughter who actually reunited my friend and has encouraged the relationship?
Thanks again for comments,I am scheduled to start grief counseling this week.David

Sep 02, 2013
lost best friend,business partner and wife....
by: silver

I understand how you grieve because I am there.My husband died 27 months ago.We were married for 33 yrs and friends for 4 yrs before that.I am a retired nurse and I can't understand her feelings.I know how hard it is to go on. Just because you still have love in your heart for your wife doesn't mean you can't love another.She was a part of your life for a long time.Would she say that about your business...ie...you should stop it because I wasn't a part of it..? You will always have memories.You will always feel sad on occasion. That's the wonderful thing about love is that our hearts can always hold more.I hope you can work it out with her but if not try to find love and acceptance somewhere else..My husband was married twice before me.He had a child by the first one.Did I get upset..NO.Did I make him get rid of the pictures..NO.Did I refuse to allow him to talk about his life..No.If you really love someone you accept all about them.I hope she can understand somehow that it's not a threesome..It's your past..It will always be there.It's part of you.It's what makes you--you.I will pray a special prayer for you and keep you in my prayers as I do the rest of us who are going through this.GOD send you strength and peace.

Sep 02, 2013
Lost best friend, business partner and wife 37yrs. saved by girlfriend and then another heartbreak after breakup.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your wife. You were fortunate to find someone to help you through your grief at a difficult time of life. Finding someone on the rebound does help but it can't take care of your grief as you need to do this on your own. Because this girlfriend from the past was there for you at a time you needed a shoulder to cry on it somehow spoilt what could have been a good future relationship. The clue is in what you said. "She didn't want to be part of a threesome." This girlfriend found out that she was in some way standing in the shadows of the wife you lost. This can be very difficult for the person going through this. You couldn't have seen this because you were wounded by grief. This girlfriend was there for you. She provided a service. She in the end became wounded by your grief of your wife. It is just the Timing was wrong. You thought you were moving on well. But she didn't. Best thing you can do is take yourself off to a grief counsellor and grieve both losses. and let them support you whilst you try to work out your grief and able to move forward in time. Do your grief work. Get yourself in an emotionally healthy place before you find someone else to share your life with. Don't give up HOPE. I think it was the TIMING that spoilt what could have been a good relationship. No woman wants to stand in the shadows of a former mate whether EX or wife who has passed away. A new woman in your life would want your total attention to her. She would not want to share you with an EX or a wife who passed away. Take time to process what this means. Don't look for failings in yourself. You did nothing wrong. It is just the nature of grief. It causes us to think of the one we have lost. But you can't do it with a new partner. It won't work. Give yourself time to grieve properly and you will get your life back. Grief causes us to be self absorbed for some time. This is the nature of grief. The wrong time to start any new relationship. Best wishes.

Sep 01, 2013
by: ~~LYNNE~~

I dont know how to answer your question and probably shouldnt, but, I have been wondering about that myself....How will I ever be able to love another when I cant hardly get my deceased hubby out of my mind, maybe someone on here has some answers from experience, Id love to hear from you also....

Sep 01, 2013
Lost,Saved and Heartbroken
by: judith in California

Dear Lost, you did not give yourself time to grieve. 4 months after a loved ones passing is (in my opinion) way too soon to enter into another relationship. I'm sure your lady friend felt that she was being used to fill a void that no one could fill. Most of the folks on this site would tell you the same thing. It's been 3 years forme and I know darn good and well that I still am in no way emotionally ready to be involved with someone elase. AS long I cry for my love I willm not be ready. I'm sure no man would understand me crying for my husband.
Grief is such an emotional roller coaster ride and by the 4th month most folks are just getting to the fact ther mates aren't coming back and grieving more.
How in the world could you think that after 37 years of marriage and only four months after her passing that you could love someone else fully. DId you go through your house and put all your wife's pictures away. Did you throw her clothes out? Did you say things like "My wife used to do this or that? Did you have no special memories of those 37 years and end up crying?
You obviously were doing something to show the stand in lady that you weren't quite ready. AND she is right to get out of the picture.
Did you expect her to wear your wife's clothes or do things like your wife used to?

You have some serious thinking to do. Maybe if you give yourself time to think you'll see you reall aren't ready.

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