Lost BOTH grandmas in the same month (November 2013)

by Jen

This past year ended on a terrible note . In September, one of my Grandmas broke her ankle tripping over her oxygen cord and had to be hospitalized. While she was there, she was having trouble breathing and ended up with pneumonia. She was in the hospital for 3 months and ended up having an endotrachel tube put in. Each time they tried to pull it out she could not breath on her own. She had said she never wanted to live on a breathing machine or nursing care so we all agreed to pull the tube. I remember her being awake and looking at me before they injected the various pain medications and it was heartbreaking to look in her blue eyes I keep thinking and wondering what she was thinking at the time and it makes me sick inside . She went peacefully and my other grandma came and said goodbye as well. Then two weeks later my other grandma said she wasn't feeling well and had to go to the hospital. She had pneumonia and was to receive iv antibiotics. She had had pneumonia many times before due to her lung condition and we all figured she would be out in no time as usual. I visited her on a Thursday night and she was perfectly fine and happy grandma. Then over the weekend the doctors put her under anesthesia to pump out the fluid build up in her lungs and she couldn't recover without the tube in. On Tuesday, her and my grandpas 56th wedding anniversary, we pulled the tube and she passed away peacefully like my other grandma . For both experiences I stayed in the room for hours until each one passed. They were both very strong women and I admire them for that . But I miss them dearly and were closer to them then my parents (who had recently gone through a divorce, remarried , and each moved away). I just feel like my heart is breaking. I used to spend days with them more than any other grandchild . And I'm just so upset. I have my good days snd bad but recently it feels more like bad then good. I'm so sad that I don't even feel like planning my wedding because they won't be there. I love and miss them so much and I know they are watching down on me in heaven .

Comments for Lost BOTH grandmas in the same month (November 2013)

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Feb 13, 2014
Lost BOTH grandmas in the same month (November 2013)
by: Doreen UK

Jen I am sorry for your loss of both your grandma's. You spent so much time with them and you will be hurt by not only one loss, but two. Especially in the same month.
Is it possible for you to change the date of your wedding? till you have more time to grieve your loss of these two precious women from your life. Planning a wedding is such a happy and exciting event, but difficult on top of 2 deaths. Often it is wise to think things through so the timing is right and you enjoy your day better. Perhaps a little grief counselling will help you put things into perspective and the skills of a counsellor will just take the edge off your grief and you will be able to tackle the wedding plans better.
This is the hard part of grief. No longer having the loved one's you have lost attend family functions and be part of them. My husband had to attend the wedding of our son whilst he was dying of cancer. His cancer had advanced and he attended the wedding in a castle so it was a big event and one he couldn't enjoy to the fullest because of being so ill.
Life can be so cruel and interrupt many a happy occasion. But experience has taught me that we have to FOCUS on what we have to do and re-schedule what we can. if we can't then we have to change our attitude towards our situation. This is how we survive those moments without the one's we loved and have lost.

Feb 12, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Nancy, what you wrote made me feel so much better! And you're right in everything you said!! Thank you for making me feel better!! -Jen

Feb 12, 2014
Stop the nonsense
by: Nancy

I am sorry for the lose of both your grandmothers and I am sorry that you are missing them, but for you to be thinking about not wanting to be planning for your wedding - just stop that thinking right now... neither one of your grandmothers would want you to be thinking that way or better yet talking that way. Like you said they are watching for you - and wanting nothing but the absolute best for you. They know every intimate detail and every decision that you are making. Do you think that they would be happy knowing that their moving on to another part of their journey has affected you in this way? NO! In the same way - they would not have wanted to attend your wedding and get sick and take away any part of your special day! They are with you! Maybe not in the physical sense... but they are there.
Their love for you will never leave you and if you love them as much as you say that you do.. your memories of them will be passed on to your grandchildren. Love holds no boundaries. The love you have for your future husband will never take away the love you have for those two special women in your life. But it is your time. Make the most of it. Include the memories of both your grandmothers in your wedding. Honor them. But DO NOT let their moving on to another part of their journey take any more time from you. In the stillness of the night, in the quietness of the morning sing with them, dance with them, let them know every intimate detail of the wedding... but sing and dance. Don't cry and be sad. They are on a journey... and one day you will be on the same journey but until then... shine..sing.. and teach others of their love..and put their love prints that they put on your life into the lives of those around you and share the memories..only you and your grandmothers hold.
Love Nancy
Winnipeg Manitoba

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