Lost Closest Loves / Only Family Within 2 Months...

by Janet
(USA)

My beloved mother was my best friend and confidant and soul-mate...the closest I will get in this life. She suddenly took ill with cancer and then recurring infections for four horrific months before dying on December 22, 2013. My emotional strength and care during and after this nightmare came from my older brother. We forged a mighty bond through this and spoke of our love and how we would find a way to hold one another up - with our mother's unbelievable spirit - together. We had each other. He said he would always, always be there for me...Then he suddenly passed 7 weeks to the day of our mother dying. Simply collapsed, with the cause still unknown. I will always believe my mother drew him to her...

And so here I am, left behind. Since my father passed 6 years ago and we were never close to extended family, this only leaves me and another brother. Of course I thank God for him, but my mother and older brother held - and still hold - my heart. I'm in utter shock, profound grief, heartache, fear of facing the world and life without their love, adoration, strength, spirit, humor and attention. It is sickeningly unfair that others have so many, so much - and I lost the little that I had. I feel like a freak, a pathetic freak...how can others who have lost nothing begin to understand any of what I'm feeling? They are uncomfortable simply hearing it! I don't know where to begin or who I am, anymore. Just taking it day-by-day and holding onto being with them in eternity. But until then...My love and prayers to all of you who are also suffering. Knowing others like myself are out there, struggling but holding on, gives me a little solace.

Comments for Lost Closest Loves / Only Family Within 2 Months...

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Mar 14, 2014
Lost Closest Loves / Only Family Within 2 Months....
by: Doreen UK

Janet I am sorry for your loss of your mother. You are right No one can understand how you feel when they have lost nothing. But in life we all lose something or someone from our lives eventually, and those who don't understand will definitely understand when their time comes. Life is unfair to many. You are shocked because you just forged this bond with your brother, which death often does. Brings people together and then we lose them at a time when we needed them. It devastates our world. Take one day at a time and you will start to heal. Raw grief makes us feel like we have lost everything and then worry about who we will lose next. Even this feeling will pass in time. But it is H--l whilst we are going through this pain.
I lost my husband to cancer 22 months ago and know how bad this journey is. Best you can do is stay close to your remaining brother and make a good life. Taking one day at a time. Most of us have extended family we don't get on with or find it hard to be in relationship with. Which makes it more painful at this time of life when we lose a close family member. Death can bring people closer and move other's far apart or lose them altogether from our lives. I will never understand why. I have stopped trying to figure it out and just soldier on each day with the hope that life will get better each day.

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