Lost & Confused
Ten years ago I fell in love with a girl, she's 6 years younger then me and was only 20 when she became pregnant with our first child; we now have 3 children.
Our relationship has been rocky for quite a while. We argued and fought over petty things, usually money. I always attributed it to being tired and the stress of raising 3 children. Through out I have always loved her and almost very day, despite if I was angry with her, I have thanked the Lord for bringing her into my life.
About 5 years ago she cheated on me. I found out by reading a text on her phone. She swears he was just someone to talk to and that they never consummated their relationship; however it still hurt, but I forgave her and for the next couple of years we seemed to be happy.
Last week she told me she was going to have to work late, I suspected it was more than that and she told me there was someone else and has now moved out.
We have talked and while she has someone else, he was not the reason she left me it was because she was not happy and she had been wanting to move out long before she began talking to him.
I still love her and have spent the past 10 years with her as the most important person in my life; however I RARELY showed it. I took a materialistic approach to our love by buying her nice things as a sign of my love, but I never just held her hand and told her I loved her.
While I know I am not the only one at fault for our failed relationship, it hurts that there were so many things I could have done and didn't. I never married her, I always wanted to, but I wanted to give her a big wedding that I felt she deserved ad that I couldn't afford. I was distant, spending too much time on the computer. When she hurt me I would lash out verbally with cruel words that I never meant.
I just don't know what to do, I still love her and forgive the affair.
I am scared that the better part of me and the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with is lost to me forever.