Lost Dad at 9 he was only 34

by Andrew
(Australia )

My dad died in a boating accident in 1968 I am was the oldest of four children being 9 years 2 brothers 8 and 2 and a sister 6 I suppose all of us have struggled with elements of our life . I have been married 3 times probably the main reason is a lack of ability to show affection for prolonged periods . A telling point I remember from Dads death was I was crying in my room and my mother said please do not cry you will make me cry , I still wonder if I have have grieved properly even after all these years . I am relatively happy in my own company but like most hopeful of one day meeting my soul mate .My brother below me has since passed away under inconclusive circumstances about 8 years ago and part of his death was related to the loss of our father .
Another important factor is how a wife or mother reacts to the tragedy .
I am hoping by sharing a bit it helps me and perhaps others who might feel a bit alone out there .

Attached is a photo of the four of us just after our father died with words put together by a lady who was like a second mother to my father and a grandmother to us .

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Dec 24, 2012
Lost Dad at 9 he was only 34
by: Doreen U.K.

Andrew it is sad how children are not taken into consideration when a death takes place. they are treated as little people and not talked to or given the chance to express themselves. I was married in 1968. I am older than you so can say that I am of OLD SCHOOL. This means that in those days children were to be seen and not heard. This has created many a wound by parents who were also a (victim) I hesitate to use this word for lack of another to describe that a victim of their own nurturing which in those days was stern/strict. I do feel that YES! The way your mother handled this problem at that time was in keeping with the ERA. or nurturing. But not necessarily the correct way to react. There is a strong possibility that you did not Grieve as you should have. The death of your brother may have triggered off feelings in you that has caused a complication for you. Even the lack of affection you speak of is also very much a problem of how one is nurtured. You would benefit greatly from seeing a counsellor. The work will be hard and painfull but full of RICH REWARDS. You will be set Free of your past and be able to move into the present with a future that may help you to meet someone who could add meaning to your life. I wish I had the quality of being able to like my own company and be on my own without feeling the overwhelming sense of LONLINESS. I need to be around people. I don't like being isolated. I hope that you are able to resolve your Grieve from the past and move forward into a better present and future.

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