Lost daughter, exhusband, complicated
I lost my 30 year old daughter in 2009. She had asthma, was laid off and had no insurance. She called me because she needed a refill on her inhaler. She said she was going to the Dr the next morning. I met her at the drugstore to get the inhaler for her. She was coughing, and I thought she had a cold, so I didn't go near her because I was afraid of catching germs and passing them on to my younger daughter who is medically fragile. So that was the last time I saw her. She apparently did not go to the Dr, and she died that evening. I got to the hospital after she was gone.
My husband was ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT TO ME. He himself had lost his brother to suicide, a niece in a house fire, and a childhood friend in an unsolved murder. I was there for him through all that. But he did nothing for me. I didn't even smile for a year. On the one year anniversary I told my husband I was really depressed. He decided that would be a good time to look online for an old girlfriend of over 30 years ago. So I ended up divorced after being together for 29 years.
I had to retire from a good paying job to care for my medically fragile daughter. After 2 years my fragile daughters health finally stabilized so I was able to place her in a group home. I took her to visit my ex every week for 3.5 years. He became suicidal, and I had to call the police several times to save his life.
In the spring of 2013 I fell in love with a man who told me we would spend all our time together once my daughter was in the group home. I placed my daughter in the home in July 2013. Then this new man in my life starting picking fights with me, and in September 2013 he broke up with me.
Then in December my ex was found dead in his apartment. Even though I was really tired of his selfish behavior, and we were divorced, I still didn't want him dead, and feel very disconnected and alone.
I don't think I have dealt with the loss of my 30 year old daughter because of all the other stresses in my life since then.
So I lost a daughter, the possibility of having grandchildren, a good job, my marriage, a boyfriend, and now my ex is dead. I'm living alone for the first time in my life. I'm feeling VERY sad and lonely.
I am seeing a psychologist and I keep busy, but nothing seems to really help.