by Maggie

For about a year my relationship of 11 years had been deteriorating and by February this year I had emotionally and physically left the relationship even though we were still living together. About this time, quite by chance I met a man who I instantly connected with and so begun a very fast intensive and passionate affair He totally 'love bombed' me telling me everything I had been longing to hear for so long a making me feel loved and very very special. Naturally I put myself forward totally and after a few weeks I left my home and set up in a flat by myself. Initially this made my new relationship idyllic although there was an ex that kept cropping up in person and in conversation. Warning bells did ring but I was so in love with this man I ignored them. he talked about our future and I was happier than I had been in years. Then bang........In 24 hours I went from being 'the one' to being the one he lied to and without warning, the one who he left to go back to his ex who he said he realised he was still in love with.

I was shattered and the person who came to help me pick up the pieces was my former partner who then professed his love for me and regrets for letting our relationship run into so much trouble. So we have been together again since my break up. The problem is the grief I feel for what I believed I had with the other man and so obviously didn't....and I can't seem to get over it. Its making me unhappy, angry, anxious and full of doubt about my ability to have a good healthy and happy relationship. How can I still love a man who hurt me so deeply, when `i should start to work at building my relationship with my former partner who actually is a good genuine honest and loving man. I have no contact with the ex but see him pass by sometimes. When I do I feel a cold anger against him but the hurt is still in there. I don't know when this will end but wish it would so I can get on with my life.

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Oct 26, 2014
Finding Oneself For Happiness
by: Anonymous

That is extremely difficult I was with someone for 13 years and someone came along exactly like that, the chemistry, the connection and it was mainly emotional and mental...... I thought it was the real deal!

I'm talking absolutely besotted with this guy, not someone physically I would usually go for but just his mind was sexy!

Physically involved once over 10mth period and even thou sexually not at all compatible (in my books), him also out of a relationship....I had to spend so much time analysing, how and why this could happen, I found I was sooo unhappy and had been for over six years in my relationship, that he was new and exciting. I also found that I never knew who I was, what I really wanted before I got married just living in life itself.

So before you go back into the long term relationship you need to look at the other guy not with bitter, anger or resentment (as he was lost as well) but instead as something you can learn from why you were drawn to him and if it was unhappiness get to the bottom of that unhappiness (in which you will have to tell your partner that you need time to yourself because if you don't get to the bottom if it you will find yourself in the same situation again..........this could all be a good thing to find the real you....

Good luck!

Oct 20, 2014
Hopefully Gained Insight
by: judith in California

Dotto what Christine has written. A person will never know who they are or what they are about if they jump from one relationship after another without time out to be all they can be to themselves. This is why people repeat the same cycle of choosing a mate unwisely.

It appears you forgot that all relationships are not as exciting after some time passes. People become content and passive as time goes on. It doesn't mean they no longer find their mates attractive or have no longer love with them it just means that life happened and they became comfortable and forgot they had to do something once in a while to reignite the spark. This goes for both a man and a woman. But you have found out that the thrill of that first in love feeling slowly dies.

You are fortunate that your husband is a man of character, unlike the man you fell for who had none.

Please re evaluate why you ended up doing what you did in the first place in order to move on in a healthy , honest equally caring partnership with your husband.

Oct 19, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Maggie this man built you up, and then let you down in a very CRUEL WAY!!
You are fortunate to have your EX take some measure of responsibility for your relationship not working in the first place and for neglecting you. A lot has to do with MATURITY. and FOCUS. You should not give this other man a second thought. If he built you up and you were what he wanted he would be with you and not his wife. A great many relationships are tested to the core and can cause CONFUSION. One should be wiser now and realize that the feelings you have for this other man may be REAL but they are also FAKE. No substance that can make a relationship work. It takes great commitment and this is what your EX is try to do. Put your relationship back together again. If you feel there are loose ends. Try a counselor to help you see more clearly what went wrong and how you can make changes so that you can build a stronger relationship that can weather the storms of life. LOVE and COMMITMENT go a long way into making a relationship survive the challenges of life. I was married 44yrs. and lost my husband to cancer 2yrs.5 months ago. I knew about having a husband work long hours away from home and missing his family but doing what he had to do for a living as a carpenter. I got on with the job of being a mother. I FOCUSED on the job in hand and put the needs of my husband and children FIRST. If they were happy. I was happy. My husband and 3 children were MY PRIORITY. You can get through this. FOCUS all your attention on your EX and not the man who built you up and let you down. We all make CHOICES in our life. Some good, some bad, if we get a second chance we are lucky. Don't wast this opportunity to make the best life you can with the one who loves you. Give your heart to him. If the other man comes back into your life. Don't give him the time of day. Send him packing. Don't fall for the charms of another man. THINK WITH YOUR HEAD AND NOT YOUR HEART. Make every effort to make your relationship work. Do everything you can to draw your man towards you and not push him away. Set all your affections on him and not the other man.
HONESTY and FIDELITY are a CHOICE. Make the right choice and BE HAPPY.

Oct 19, 2014
Taking Timeout
by: christine

Maybe it's time for u to take a break from all relationships and be alone to sort out ur feelings and think about how u really feel....sometimes u gotta step back and look at the big picture. The one ur missing, apparently filled in a void in ur life. It also.says alot for the first ex to b there when u were in need of someone to comfort u. Seems to me that u feel like u need a relationship to make u happy! Learn to like yourself, take time to just reflect. I used to b like that, but as I got older, I found that I could b just as content to be alone
Try just "dating" for awhile..
no commitment .....u may b surprised.

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