Lost husband, 3 sons and my sister in a year and a half.

My first husband was and still is an alcoholic. After my youngest were in their last year of high school and had denied my having any influence in their lives, I was divorced.

My second husband and I began 1st grade together, we reunited at our 50th class reunion, He was a widower and I had been divorced for 28 years He was everything I could have dreamed for in a Biblical husband. Our's was a 10 year honeymoon. His death was unexpected, caused by doctors' prescribing fatal combination of meds. His family, 55 & 57 in ages, because they felt I'd taken their dad away from them were just plain cruel.
Of 4 sons from my 1st marriage, born within 4 years including twins, 3 lived lifestyles that included drugs and alcohol. The twins were the youngest. Everyone who has had to cope with addiction in loved ones know it is hell on earth but you love them as though they were all you hoped for.
After my husband's death, my oldest twin died of liver failure within 5 months, in 3 months my beloved 2nd son died after getting his life in order and becoming a true son. At Christmas, my sister died, on the anniversary of the burial of my first twin's death, my "baby" twin died. Two, I held in my arms till they passed on. One, I was in another state when he died and my baby's wife told me I wouldn't be welcome while he was ill and I wasn't told till 2 days had passed that he had died. again, my presence wasn't welcome.
My 4th son cut me out of his life about 25 years ago, never told me why, we had been very, very close.

I believed with my being such a strong person all my life and a faithful believer and practioner of God's word, I could find peace and healing. Instead, I am finding myself slipping away.

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