Lost husband of 44 years in 2013

by jan

I cared for my husband for a year and a half. He went to hospice last two months of his life as I could no longer lift him out of bed. I lost 40 lbs in the last year. I fell so deeply in love with him while he was so ill. I think it's a way of wanting to let them go and not stay in so much pain any longer.
I have felt so terrible since he passed. I have gained weight, but have such bad body pains. My doctor makes light of it, but if feel like I am just waiting here now until it's my time. Wondering the whole time what it is I will end up with!,

Comments for Lost husband of 44 years in 2013

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Apr 27, 2014
Love of my life. I miss Him a lot.
by: Doreen UK

Veronica, I can identify with birds and death. With you associating the Stella Jay bird with your husband will fill you with comfort.
Before my husband of 44yrs. was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a white fan tailed bird sat on our side gate. I knew in my heart that the news would be bad. It was worse. That white bird stayed with us for 3yrs.39days of the cancer journey, and one year after. I would talk to that bird on the feeding tray and he would listen intently to me and not fly away. He came every day for just over 4yrs. He then went away. I felt that bird was our angel. Next Monday 5th May will be 2yrs. he died. Today a white bird sat on my husband's log cabin. I felt comforted. I was blessed by your comment/post. Thank You.

Apr 27, 2014
Grief feels worse now!
by: Doreen UK

June I echo what you said. It is coming up to 2yrs, I lost my husband of 44yrs. next week. It does feel much worse. the REALITY of loss is much stronger for me. I enjoyed doing the gardening today, but when I came in I felt the emptiness and loneliness still despite keeping busy. We can't keep busy ALL THE TIME. This is just the process of slow healing, despite how we try to move forward. Just knowing someone else is having the same feelings as you will allow you some comfort. May God be close to you and all of us on this grief journey. God Bless.

Apr 27, 2014
Love of My Life. I miss him a lot
by: Veronica

I can relate to your deep sorrow. I too lost my soul mate of 40 years. I met my husband when I was only 18 just finished high school. Got married when I was 21 and he was 26. He died of lung cancer in June of 2009. We had know each other for 40 years. I still think of him every minute of the day. I feel so lost without him. My two sons try their best to comfort me. I now have a grand daughter and that has given some meaning to my life. Oh, how I miss him. I feel sad that he is not here to enjoy his sweet grand daughter. I am sure he is watching over all of us from above. I feel his spirit around all the time. I think he has taken the form of a bird. There is a Stella Jay that comes to my house all the time and screeches out loud announcing his presence. I heard a Stella Jay when I was with my grand daughter. He will never be forgotten.

Apr 06, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry. I lost my husband of 13 yrs to liver cancer on June 16 2011.. the one before him just dropped dead in front of my eyes with a heart attack after 3 yrs of marriage. I have to say the heart attack was "better". Cancer is horrible. I took care of David at the end for 3 weeks alone with hospice coming 2 times a day. I was alone with both of my husbands when they passed at home. I will pray for you. One thing I say to people..you do NOT have to "move on". You do what feels best for you. And if no one understands, Jesus does. Hugs embracing you.

Apr 03, 2014
So Sorry
by: Anonymous

Hi Jan,
This is such a terrible journey. I lost my husband March of 2012, after 43 years of marriage. It is not getting better for me, actually it's worse. I keep busy but do wonder what life is all about. Mike passed away at home, after being in pallative care for 5 days. He wanted to come home, so our son took him out of the hospital (which was against what the Doctors and Nurses advised). I am very proud of my son for doing this as this was his Dad's wish. Mike was very happy to be home. It does give me some peace that his wishes were honoured. I miss Mike so very much. I see you are from Vancouver, BC, which is close to me. Thinking of you and hoping you find some sort of peace.

Mar 27, 2014
Lost husband of 44yrs. in 2013
by: Doreen UK

Jan I am sorry for your loss of your husband. This place of grief is so very hard to bear. I lost my husband of 44yrs. in May 2012. It is coming up to the 2yrs. mark in little over a month. I could not function for the first six months and then I nurtured myself with TV and did little or no cooking. I then was able to take one or two jobs a day until I got my motivation back. I do regress now and then and just take one day at a time. I can't look ahead of today. I don't make plans. I feel stuck. I am just letting things change as and when they do. My husband had a rare and serious cancer caused by working with asbestos and so his cancer was terminal. I nursed him for over 3yrs. and had to watch him die slowly. this was the worst experience of my life. Some days I can't be bothered to do anything and I don't. WE have to be true to ourselves and grieve as and when we do feel sad and sorrowful. This is a long journey for us all and we don't know when and if we will grieve fully for our lost spouse. Feeling lonely and all alone is one of the biggest hurdles of our grief we have to live with and overcome. Nothing will ever be the same for us again. I hope that you have good supportive family and friends to help walk with you through this grief journey. May God comfort you and give you His Peace each day.

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