Lost Husband Steve of 44yrs marriage to MESOTHELIOMA

by Doreen Elkington
(Hayes, Middlesex. England United Kingdom)

March 28th 2009 was the worst day of our lives. Husband Steve was made redundant in December 2008 and he had a bad cough and went to the doctors and then sent for a chest Xray where a shadow was found on his lung on the Xray. Then a biopsy and then the devastating news. Steve had MESOTHELIOMA (an incurable, inoperable, lung cancer caused by working with Asbestos).
Steve cut the asbestos on a power saw. So Steve had a high level of exposure. Steve was a carpenter and loved his work. He used to work all over the world and he worked long hours. I had to bring the children up myself and had to be mother and father to them.
Steve worked hard for his family. MESOTHELIOMA takes between 40 to 60 years to develop and Steve was spot on for the 40 years which means he developed this when he was 25 years old.
Steve had 2 lots of Chemotherapy, and then 10 sessions of Radiotherapy, and lasted 3years and 39 days. Steve suffered a lot of pain till the day he died. I had to see this and my heart ached every day as I nursed him. Steve sadly died on 5th May 2012. I buried Steve on 25th May 2012. 11 days ago.
I feel as if my heart has been ripped out and I am left bleeding to death only death doesn't come. Steve was my heartbeat. Steve wanted to live and this is so painfull to see how sad he was waiting to die and not knowing when! I nursed Steve to the end as he wanted to die at home. It was an honour and privelege to nurse Steve and Love him to the end but I didn't want him to die. I was in DENIAL. Waiting for a miracle but one did not come. Steve one time was happy that prayers were going up for him all over America on the God Channel. But Healing didn't come and I feel let down by God. I am angry with God. I don't want to be but I am and can't get out of this pain. I purchased a grave for 2 so I will go in the same plot. I wish it was now. I don't want to live without my Steve. Steve was 65 years of age and looking forward to retirement and now he is gone. I don't want to go on living.
My son of 43 and daughter of 40 have walked away from me so I lost 3 people on the day of the funeral. They only came for the WILL and want Dad's things. I feel betrayed and did not expect this. Being Mum and Dad had a lot to do with this.
Death blew us apart. I wish Death could take me now as I don't want to grieve anymore. I feel I have been grieving all my life over something and this is the worst pain I could go through. There is no relief from the pain I am in and it echo's what others on this grief site are going through. I don't want to go on anymore. Steve wanted to live and he didn't get the chance to enjoy retirement. Now I have nothing else to live for. I live all alone with my grief and I don't want to start a new life. I like the old one I had. I was content. I don't like change at my age of 64 in 2 months. Steve's birthday is this Sunday 10th June 2012. I fear the LONLINESS. I don't like being ALONE.
My heart is breaking. How do I go on now!! without my Beloved Steve.

Comments for Lost Husband Steve of 44yrs marriage to MESOTHELIOMA

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Apr 06, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Hannah Thank you for your concern and kindness in replying to me. I appreciate this. To lose our parents is very hard to deal with at any age. They were our nurturers. We were a family of 8. 5 girls and one boy. Living in a home with a lot of siblings and devoted parents makes one feel like this will never end. This is our security. Then all of a sudden you lose this security. It really is such a hard place to be and I do understand how you feel. It is such a pity that we can't all meet up in person. This is what we really need. We need company. WE need people around us who will be there for us and help us get through the worst experience of our lives. But alas. Miles away we can do our very best to support each other across the pond.
If you need more support Hannah you can email me at doreenelkington@aol.com I will do my best to carry you through this grief and lonliness for as long as you need this support.
Best wishes. Doreen

Apr 05, 2013
Your loss
by: Hannah

Reading what you posted on my site, brought tears to my eyes. You have been through so much. I feel like you do, like I am in a dream state and mom and dad are still here. Then there are days that it hits me so hard that I just cry all day. Being in their home and it is so quite is one of the worst things. There was always so much laughter and talking that the quiet is deafening. My mom was my best friend and I miss her like my heart has been ripped out. I lost a boyfriend of 2 years in 1992 due to a car accident. I was suppose to be with him that night and I have went through the "what if's" for 20 years. What if I was there, what if I could have stopped it. It still feels like I lost him yesturday. I am married now and its been 16 years, but it still seems like I lost him yesturday. So I know how you feel losing your husband. My bf and I were extremely close. I feel for you and I shed tears tonight with you. IF you need anything that I can help you with, please let me know. We have to stick together and make each other strong. All my love and prayers, Hannah

Feb 17, 2013
Your Grief
by: Anonymous

Found a book caled GRIEF THE YEARNING and thought it might help as it is about loss of mate. Hope it helps.

Feb 05, 2013
Your husband
by: Kate

Just a brief note,I notice you comment on so many that are in grief. Mine was a son recently~2months. I lost a husband of 23 years of close love due to heart disease 19 years ago. I was so empty,half of me was gone,we were that close. So I understand your loss of your dear mate. It took me many years to heal! Now I have a new loss,my son. I hate death. I know God is the one who keeps me going. Thank you for reaching out to so many people with detailed comment,you are giving of yourself and I pray things heal in your family Doreen.

Dec 26, 2012
Living with few Regrets
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise you are reading too much into my relationship with my son's EX and my daughter-in-law. It is not as you see this. You are viewing my situation through your own experience.
I do understand what you are saying about how you were treated and how it affected your own relationship with your husband.
WE live in a world with Adult Children who are of a different maturity level to us. Have a different outlook and establishing their own pattern for how they want to live. We live in a fallen world and as the Bible says. AS MUCH AS LIES WITHIN YOU. Live in Peace with all Men. It doesn't say YOU WILL. or you Must. "AS MUCH AS LIES WITHIN YOU." That is all we can do.
WE can't go back and right the wrongs of the past. But we can live in Peace and Harmony embracing those into our lives who can help make our journey easier. Hold those Close that you can and keep at a distant those who cannot contribute to your life where you can live in harmony.
My experience is of Loving my Husband deeply and so Loving His mother. Even if she didn't like me for whatever reason. I didn't let it get to me. I knew there would be difficulties. I married into a different culture and Religion and these are both big difficulties. Sometimes one has to move away and you can't have the relationship you want or have to miss family gatherings. But you work the best way with what you have. And you don't feel Guilty about this. You can't please all of the people all of the time. Everyone comes into life with a different agenda. Jealousy, possessiveness, are all facts of life and can affect a life. I went with God and allowed God to work with me in how I lived. If I made a mistake or hurt someone. I put it right. It is very possible to RESOLVE THE HURTS OF THE PAST with the skilled help of a counsellor. So you Heal from your Past, and go forward better into healthy relationships. I live with more CONTENTMENT now and I live with few REGRETS. But I had God in my life to help me live the way He expected me to. Only with God's Help can we return Good for the Evil done against us. WE will make mistakes and we won't always get it right. But we can TRY to make our life better, for ourselves and those we include in our lives.

Dec 25, 2012
New Year
by: Louise

Oh dear Doreen it does sound terribly messy. We both know the strain caused by a loved one dying. your poor Steve. I was not there I can only imagine how stressful it all was for everyone. As I said my mother in law's treatment of me put strain on Pete too. The nearest I have to compare is when Pete lost his job. It was so stressful for him thst he too had to go to hospital for help. I was lucky that Pete had made a clean break from his mother by then so I was able to be by his side. If he hadn't I'm not sure I could have gone. She would have blamed me. She always did. Unless you have been through it is hard to explain but often I felt hated by her and her family so I avoided family events so as not to face or cause more upset. Her side of a story was very different from Petes and mine and anyones for that matter. I often wondered why. If she had been at the hospital when he was admitted I don't think I would've gone. We have gone off in a different direction from the original matter so I am sorry to talk so much about me but your post really reminded me of Pat and the trauma she caused in my marriage. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.
I do hope you and your son and daughter in law make peace. It seems her friendship with her ex is as strong as yours with your son'ex girlfriend. I don't know, maybe you are very similar to one another? Not sure you can see this and maybe you don't want to. My mother in law never saw what she and I had in common and she lost Pete I and her grandchildren as a result. Hope your new year is peaceful Doreen and I am happy your family is there to support you through your grief.

Dec 24, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise I look forward to catching up with you on email in the New Year. But to touch on your reply. My daughter-in-law has a deep friendship with her ex boyfriend, which she doesn't see as a problem. She doesn't see it as wrong if she goes to a hotel with this ex to study. She doesn't see it as wrong to buy him gifts. She doesn't see it as wrong to all three of them go on holiday together. You simply can't have 3 in a relationship. There has to be boundaries. This poor girl as you put it doesn't need to defend herself. She needs to establish boundaries. She needs to honour her marriage vows which says. "Forsaking all other's" My son objected to the Ex being in their marriage. She told him to get out of HER HOUSE 5 times. My husband was dying of cancer and he and myself had to drive for 1 hour to the hospital to find our son having a breakdown and rescued by 2 police officers and taken to hospital. His wife did not go to the hospital. We brought our son home and I looked after him till he got on his feet. He came back and forth 5 times and we did what we could for him. As any parent would do. The hospital released him into our care only because he had somewhere to go. My whole family are angry with this girl for what she put us through when Steve was dying of cancer.
Steve was angry and wanted our son to leave his wife since she said she is not sure she wanted to be married. My son has fine qualities of COMMITTMENT. I am happy he is trying to work out his own problems even If I have to walk away. I will never forget how my son's EX cared for Him. I daresay my daughter-in-law has a good side, but her behaviour has displayed the opposite of being cruel to my son. I can be IMPARTIAL. One acted with RESPECT and the other with disrespect. This makes it a different judgement from your own situation. I have related this post as it may help heal someone else going through the same situation. A DEATH does trigger off other unresolved conflicts. This can cause pain for those who feel they need to try to resolve this now whilst they have the time to do so.

Dec 23, 2012
Daughter in laws
by: Louise

Doreen I do wish you the best at this time of year but as I read your post I couldnt help feeling terribly sad that you should view your daughter in law this way and your son's ex so differently. It is a pity the poor girl is not here to represent herself and I can't help but feel for her as I know only too well what it is like to be not liked by my mother in law. Did you have a good relationship with yours? It did not matter what I did how kind or loving I was she just disliked me because she wanted Pete to stay with Maggie. How it upset me and caused great upset to my poor Pete. Your words have helped me to see I would not like to be that mother in law to Mike's wife which is reason more to make peace with him. i have made a note of your email and will message you in the new year. My very best wishes.

Dec 23, 2012
Best Wishes and Blessings to You
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise Thank you for your response. I would love to keep in contact with you as an online friend we can share more if you want. my email is
doreenelkington@aol.com. Reading other people's post's also helps put things into perspective for me so I am going to respond briefly. My daughter-in-law lost her mother to cancer and this is why my son is protective of her. My Son has taken responsibility for his part in the break in our relationship. I have taken responsibility for my part. It was a very messy affair and shouldn't have happened. Chris's wife has taken no responsibility for her part. I told her I have enough love for everyone and she would be embraced as my daughter-in-law. Chris's ex girlfriend is not liked by Chris's wife or my daughter which is what caused the split. I can't give up people in my life because other people don't like her. She is the most caring, loving person who is fragile and broken and they can't see it. My life has to include other people. I can't be insular where I only give of myself to my family. I must embrace others as I have a life also. If they come back then things will change with everyone having learned lessons. If I lose relationship with my children because they want all of me which excludes others this can't happen. This girl is called Sherine and she just loves how I include her in my life. She is like a bird with a broken wing. I like birds and I like mending broken wings. But it is harder to mend those broken wings of our children. I will leave the door open. Often it is us Mother's who have to do the rescueing. Like God does for us. TIME also is a HEALER and it is Time apart that is often good. But DEATH caused a separation and fracture that will need the intervention of a Healing for any of us to come together again having learned lessons apart that being together couldn't teach us.
Louise space will run out so I end now with the greatest Love to you and family and May you be Blessed with Love and family at Christmas and May the New Year be especially Kind and Peaceful to you. May you be Blessed with a reunion and Healing with your Son, as I ask for this for myself. God Bless. Doreen

Dec 22, 2012
Thank you
by: Louise

These communications are welcome break for me after getting my food for Christmas so I hope you don't mind me chatting again. You have a close bond with your son's ex girlfriend which is lovely I see this but it seems not with his wife? How sad. As someone whose mother in law had a hard time seeing me as a daughter after his first wife and he went there seperate ways I feel for his wife and you. feeling torn between an old and new love is hard. How does your son feel about this? I did wonder if this is why your son is not around and as you say has room only for his wife. Is he protecting her from hurt perhaps? I know his mother's treatment of me put a huge strain on Pete and my marriage so thst in the end he pulled away from her. Although Ii understood how hard it was for her I sometimes thought she was being selfish and it made Pete feel unloved. I can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you all. It seems we have much in common Doreen. I think if we look hard enough most people usually do. I have decided to make peace with my son if I am able to find him. He is my flesh and blood after all and our falling out is something I don't want to haunt me. Pete didn't speak to his mother until she was on her death bed after they fell out and I don't want Mike and I to be like this. Your communication has helped me Doreen to see this so thank you and take care.

Dec 21, 2012
Thank You
by: Doreen U.K.

Louise Feel free to be yourself. You are not making me sad talking of your son and how you haven't seen him in 10yrs. This is also a great loss to you and you must be allowed to express these feelings. My story is similar. My son ran off after the funeral. He has to work out his own grief. He loves his wife so much there isn't room for anyone else. Doesn't matter as long as he is happy. But as you say it is The NOT KNOWING if they are alive, have children, Happy? Steve is not here to cook. I will be doing it. I am well organised and make out lists of what days I will be doing the preparation. After that it is easy. I find the shopping is more tedious. once this is done it will be O.K. Also getting in what foods people like. My son's ex girlfriend suffered from depression and turned up on my doorstep years ago. I have been looking after her ever since just like another daughter. She is very special to me. I will never forget her. When she was with my son she looked after him so well. She is an Angel. I will never forget what she did for him. Louise you be sure to have the best Christmas day as you can manage. I too hope that you are surrounded by caring and loving people and that you are at peace. Then I wish for you and everyone on this site A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! May it be a good one for all of us. God be with all those who have lost someone this side of Christmas or in the New Year. May God Comfort you all and us all as we go through Life.

Dec 20, 2012
A full house
by: Louise

Thank you so much Doreen for your kind words. I am so glad you'll have people around you at Christmas and how lovely you stay in touch with your son's ex girlfriend and a lonely man. That is kind. I imagine your son too will be there or does he work away like your married daughter? I cannot remember if he too is now in touch with you. I haven't seen mine in over 10 years. It pains me each day. I blame myself for that loss and wish I could turn back the clock sometimes. He lives abroad now and I don't hear from him. He's lost touch with all of us but I hear from his best friend now and then but even he lost contact. Now at this time I think of him and how he loved Christmas as a child. I often wonder whether he is alive or has children. Sorry to sound so sad. I didn't mean to. It looks like a full and busy Christmas for you? You say Steve used to cook so who will be cooking this year? Perhaps your daughter or son will. I am sure you will enjoy the festive season despite your grief.

Dec 18, 2012
Thank You
by: Elle


Thank you for your loving, consoling comment concerning the loss of my husband. You bring such comfort to others even as you are in such desperate pain and anguish yourself.

I am so extremely sorry for your loss of your beloved Steve. You have described exactly what I feel.

My two daughters estranged five years ago at the time of the death of my son. At the time of my son's death, I also lost three children and my grandchildren as well. It is harder to go through the death of one's spouse without the support of family. I am so glad that you and your daughter have renewed your relationship.

I wish you peace during the holidays. I am thinking of you and praying that God touches your broken heart with his love and comfort.

Again, Doreen, thanks for your thoughtfulness and kindness to so many.


Dec 18, 2012
Christmas Greetings !!!!
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Louise CHRISTMAS GREETINGS!! to you and your family. I have 2 daughters. One married who has come back. The youngest is 32yrs. and single and living at home. We are spending Christmas together and also invited my son's ex girlfriend who is also like a daughter and an old man who will be lonely at Christmas. Four of us will try to make the best of the day. Of course I will MISS My Steve so very much. He used to love cooking and would marinade the meats and I would do the rest. I will miss this. But as Life goes on I always do my best to Love and support others who come my way. I will make the day as special as I can. My eldest daughter will spend the time with her in-laws. She is also moving home so won't be having the Christmas she wanted. But it will still be an exciting time for the grandchildren. My daughter living at home works in retail so won't have any time off other than Christmas day and the next day after Christmas has to start work 5.45a.m to 2p.m. so will be very tired. But still good to have someone else in the house. This is what would be hard to bear if no one was at home with me. I am learning to be content where I am and finding ways to cope. But grief will still come when it has to and so I must let this just happen and not avoid this.
I hope that you and your family will have a Good Christmas day and family time together. Happy New Year 2013. I wish you Good Health, Happiness, Peace, & Prospertity in 2013.

Dec 17, 2012
Christmas greetings
by: Louise

Doreen I just came along your messages How sad this must be for you as I know also about loss. I lost my dear friend a few years ago and my mother also. It must be good to have your daughter once again by your side. I think I understod you crrectly. Forgive me if not. I wasn't sure if you had one or more daughters. Sorry if I did not. Maybe life is getting easier with time and I hope you are looking forward to a good Christmas. Will you spend it with your daughter/s or with other family? I will be with mine. My prayers go with you and all who have been hurt by grief. Louise

Nov 13, 2012
Good to Hear
by: Carolyn (Memphis, TN)

Doreen, I'm so glad things have worked out with your daughter. These times we need all the support we can get and the least amount of conflict. I'm sure the grandchildren are a big help, to see the continuation of a new generation. And, I'm very glad that my words were helpful to you as well. Thank YOU again.

Nov 10, 2012
To Carolyn (Memphis Tn) by Doreen
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Carolyn,
THANK YOU! so much for your kind words. Don't underestimate yourself. Your post to me was very kind and much appreciated. I am so happy that I am making a difference in other people's lives. I feel everyone's pain so much, it hurts me and I cannot NOT respond the best way I am able to. I wish I could also do it in person with a Hug and personal contact which so many people need after their loss. Especially with the LONLINESS & ALONENESS that accompanies our grief. Just as you say when you are just managing to pick yourself up, some other trial comes and knocks you down again.
I am so sorry for your loss of your father and brother to cancer. What a CRUEL disease that is claiming so many lives.
I did say that my children were estranged. I found this more difficult because of the most beautiful cards I got for over 25yrs and then this fall out from my daughter. We had such a close relationship as mother and daughter that she asked me if she could use my credit card. My late husband was angry, so I had to deny her this. She felt hurt and rejected and this caused the estrangement. I know there should be boundaries But if you knew my children you would know why I would not deny them anything. Funerals can put distance between people or bring them together. My daughter came back. My son-in-law fixed a lot around the house. I get to see my 2 precious grandchildren every now and then. My daughter works for British Airways. So with a punishing schedule of work and bringing up 2 small children and running a home I see them when it is possible.
When I feel I am able to move forward I will do some voluntary work.
Carolyn I was brought up with a strong core Faith and Values and I do believe that we are passing through this life and will see our loved one's again. It is according to our FAITH & BELIEF. This is what gives me HOPE to carry on each day. Even though I have lost my precious husband I know I will see him again. I am so very BLESSED to have had Steve in my life and to have Loved him for 44yrs. He was Loved and Missed by everyone who knew him. But we soldier on as we must. Thank you once again for your kind reply. I will treasure. Best Wishes Doreen

Nov 10, 2012
To Sharon by Doreen
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Sharon,
Thank you for posting and letting me know that what I said HELPED YOU. This is what my aim is and I am happy when I know that I am feeling another person's pain and able to go in and support them the best way I know.
Please don't feel selfish for not wanting to go on in life when you lost your mum despite having a husband and family. It is normal and a part of grief to feel this way. Grief does seize us to the point that life feels so unbearable we can't go on another day. I have felt like this often. Don't ever feel guilty for expressing how you feel. It is also part of our humanity to fail. But we go on another day in the hope it will be better than the last. May Peace and Love always be with you.
thank you again for your kind words. They do make a difference. Best wishes in life for each day.

Nov 09, 2012
Thank you Doreen
by: Carolyn (Memphis, TN)

Dear Doreen.

I apologize that it's taken me so long to read your story. Your response to me and my story was so very helpful. I posted my story when I was so full of grief, and you immediately responded with such kind words that I've re-read several times.

I lost my father and brother to cancer, so I can empathize completely with the suffering of that disease and what you went through taking care of your Steve and hoping for a miracle. However, I cannot even fathom what it must be like to lose a spouse of over 40 yrs. I know how I have suffered over the loss of my friend, and while we shared many things in our friendship, it can't compare to what you are experiencing. Yet, you can find the right words to help so many people on this website. You are very gifted at that, and I hope you are aware of how important you are here. I've read your responses to so many people, and you are so empathetic with each story that I can't imagine your pain at not only losing Steve, but also being estranged from your kids.

I don't have kids either, it just wasn't in the cards for me, but I do know relationships can and do change. Growing up, I was never close to my mother. We were always at odds, and I left home at 19 and began my own life and career. And, we also had some conflicts when my father got cancer and battled it for two years. Emotions are just rampant at these times.

My brother died six years later from cancer at the age of 46. I think it was then that my relationship with my mother changed. I can't put my finger on a specific moment, but the change was with me, and my realization of what she had been through. I think kids can be very tough on their parents, until they, themselves reach an age, experience an epiphany and see things the way they really are/were.

I wish I had words that could help you like yours helped me. They just seem too shallow considering what you've endured and are enduring. But, I wanted to let you know that you certainly helped me, and I do think of you every day and send you good thoughts and prayers. I continue to write down my daily grief thoughts, and some days are really horrible, and other days are tolerable horrible. I continue to breathe and wonder why these things have to happen. I do believe that our loved ones move on to a better place. A new existence that living on this earth prepares us for. And, I like to hope that we'll all be re-united on a different plane where all this earthly pain will be put aside in an instant. And, sometimes I can think those thoughts and believe. Then the loneliness and aloneness weigh me down and the whole struggle starts again.

I know the holidays loom, and every "first time without them" hurts so bad. All we can do is take it hour by hour. Again, you are much appreciated by this stranger who lives across the ocean.

Sep 04, 2012
to doreen
by: sharon(england)

dear doreen my name is sharon and i am so sorry for the loss of your husband steve 4 months ago. i just want to say thank you for posting your comments to me(my brave mum i miss so much). I feel for you, as it must be so so painful to lose your husband of 44 years. Your comments have helped me with the loss of my mum. i hope you are finding the strength to carry on and you have support from other family members. You made me realise that i do need to carry on as i have my husband, and i feel selfish for saying that i feel i cannot go on after my mum passing away, when i still have him, and you have lost your beloved steve. I am thinking of you and pray you are coping please take care

Jul 17, 2012
Lost Husband Steve of 44yrs marriage to MESOTHELIOMA
by: Anonymous

Sorry, I have not read your other posts. Maybe you could provide links to these pages, so that I may better understand.

Jul 17, 2012
Grief affects everyone
by: From Doreen to Anonymous

Dear Anonymous
Pity that you did not leave your name, but has chosen to be in the shadows.
Your post is not helpfull to me. I have been posting to everyone and if you have read my posts you will have learnt from this some of the reasons my children have abandoned me. It would be too long and personal.
You say you are surprised I brought this up. It is part of grieving. It is a Loss to me. If you knew all the facts YOU WOULD HAVE TO APOLOGISE for your patronizing remark. My children are grieving for their Dad. You think I should be understanding. These children of mine are Adults. 43yrs.40yrs.31yrs. They grieve in their own way with their partner. This is their choice. A death in the family will bring up other issues. e.g. being a favourite child, jealousy. Pride. Being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Often as a mother issues have to be CONFRONTED. This may not sit well with Adult children. they could walk away and instead use money or wanting their dad's things to hurt me.
I brought them up without the support of my husband who was working away from home. Hence the children would try to rule the roost. I as Mother would maintain my Boundary to be in Control rather than have my children do the Controlling. The other issues I wouldn't dare share. As I have said in my other posts. CHOOSE YOUR CONFIDANTS CAREFULLY. Not everyone will support you. In fact it could compound your grief. I am being cautious sharing more. I don't believe YOU WHOEVER you are would be the person who would be supportive to me. You would compound my grief.

Jul 16, 2012
Grief affects everyone
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you are grieving but I cannot believe your son and daughter would abandon you. If they had wanted anything they would have stuck around I think. There is more to this than you are saying. I am sorry you are grieving. maybe you have done somethings that are bad or hurt them and pushed your children away. I cannot believe they would just leave. Not everyone is after money you know. I am surprised you bring this up, they have lost their dad. You are there mother, you are all grieving. God sees everything. may he help and forgive us all.

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