Lost in O-H-I-O

by MK
(Ohio)

Hello....my story starts here in a small Ohio town. I was struggling emotionally and financially in life. I had to receive some help and it came from a very kind, caring, and beautiful woman. I told her that I would repay her kindness by taking her out to lunch. We started to talk and interact and there was an emotional and physical connection.

I was divorced and had been for quite some time. Unbeknownst to me, she had been separated from her husband but never officially divorced from him. She had been abandoned by him to raise their children on her own. We began seeing each other regularly and we enjoyed each others company very...very much. In the blink of an eye....we were madly in love. She told me she had never felt so close to someone in all her life.

Her kids never accepted me so that was a problem. We carried on anyway and things were great even though neither of us had much financially. We had each other. She was in the process of getting divorced (which she eventually did). She also attempted to get out of her low paying job, but was unsuccessful and it frustrated her. She wanted a better life for her and her kids...which I can definitely understand and totally emphathise with.

She received a job opportunity from a family member which was too good to turn down. She advised me over dinner that she was taking the job and leaving, about 400 miles away. I was hurt and devastated but I understood why she had to go. I wanted her to know that I was behind her so I helped her to get her things packed for the move and she left.

I have felt so lost since she has been gone. It has been almost 2 years now and it still hurts so much. I visited her several times in her new place. We really had some great visits except one really. It was very difficult for her when I left to return home, she told me. I have a 17 year old son that I am basically raising on my own and he will not move from the town we currently live in, so I cannot abandon him.

Anyway, we continued to talk daily. Things were ok besides missing her so much. I just prayed for some type of miracle so we could be together. I guess I have this silly thought in my mind that love conquers all and we would end up together. As we continued to talk I would bring up the fact that I wanted to come see her again and she basically said no... she has done this time and time again. We still continued to talk and text. I just feel so rejected and hurt by her continual refusal to let me visit her. I guess I am angry and fed up with it, but I know that I still love her very deeply.

It is all so confusing and just messes my life up emotionally. I know I need to just let go and I am trying. I do not think she is seeing someone else (but she might be). She told me that her ex burned her so badly that she is afraid to commit. I can understand that. Anyway, the calls and texts have subsided and the time between them has increased. I am so angry, but at the same time do not want to be an immature jerk about the whole thing and just fly off the handle. I will not do that.

My belief in God tells me to stop pursuing her and start persuing the life he has given me. I have stopped talking and texting as well. I guess my dilemma is, if she calls or texts should I even answer? It's all so confusing, but I think things are getting better for me. I just have to be thankful for the life I have.... and not be so concerned with what I do not have. Thanks for letting me vent.

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