lost in tucson arizona

by daniel besse
(pittsfield mass)

this might be good for me and maybe it wont be,.i am 52 years of age.i lost my identical twin brother at age 42,.he died a very horrible death..its a long story how he went to tucson and how i befriended a priest who became my brothers god father and was very helpful with his passing,from a early age about 14,.my 2 brothers an sister were very close in age,,youngest being only one year younger then my twin and i,.my sister was 1 and half years older,,back then it was keg parties and concerts and alot weed and soon was other drugs,,mainly acid and mescaline..then came cocaine at the tender age of 17 or 18..i remember being up for 3 days doing cocaine,.then someone at the party introduced heroin..a sliver of line,,make a long story short i was hooked from the get go and soon was shooting up...fast forward into later life..my sister and my 2 bro,s were doing same thing,,speed balls and every thing else..the reason why i bother to share this is it became my twin brother contacting AIDS.HE LIVED WITH IT FOR 12 YEARS,.then in the year 2005 he died..i went to tucson arizona to be close to him,,my family is from massachusetts(holyoke)..man this is so long story,,ok ill shorten it..i went down there in 1997 into 2000 and back again 2 moths before my brothers death..i was living totaly on the streets and i saw my brother a few times,,at first it was daily,,then it became 2 times a week if i was lucky..and all that time i only spent 2 hours the very most only he and i together..strange yes indeed..i was so into crack and heroin and cocaine and wanted to die,,when my brother passed away i was back in massachusetts and never been to his grave site,,after a year later i od off of heron,,i made it though and decided to get and stay clean off every thing, going on eleven years,,no meetings though any more.. theres not a day i dont think about him and there is a emptiness inside me,.but i do feel closer to my self and have a wonderful girlfriend and one dog named charlie,.my sister who lives in same town as me has helped me out alot,,she been sober 23 years..my younger brother still does speed balls every day..and he lives in another town 1 hour away,,i only seen him 4 times in past 11 years,,but talked alot on phone,,he will one day die or end up in jail again(prison)what keeps me going is i hope to see him and my mom and dad and grandmother in heaven when its my time to leave earth..my mom died in 11/11/13 and dad..he year 2000..grand mom back in 1996..my days now are filled with..well alot fatigue from haveing hep-c and went on treatment last summer,,its 5/22/2014 now..my hep c came back and i might have liver cancer,,i have to go to umass memorial liver specialist further testing,,i am waiting to go on meds for hep -c but its expensive with new meds,,insurance are bickering over price tag,,85 k and last year was only 20k..so i take it one moment by moment..i know through all that i been through,.each day is borrowed time..i should been dead long time ago..i just wish i can talk with my brother and really know he is in heaven with mom and dad and grandparents..but i cant...i try to live my life the way he would want me to(bro and rest of family)..i do pray and i look at life in a humble sort of way..i keep in mind that other people have it worst and,,do my best..this is a very small part of my life what i shared..i can share how at age 16,,i had a miracle happened to me,..it was nothing short of divine intervention from god,..one day ill share it maybe..i am tired now so i wont,,good night all

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May 26, 2014
lost in tucson arizona
by: Doreen UK

Daniel I look forward to hearing more of your life history when you're able to share this. I feel privileged to hear your story of your life's journey and how hard this journey has been.
I applaud you for turning your life round and getting clean from drugs. God has healed many people from drug addiction and deliverance has allowed them to also mentor other's struggling with addictions.
We all mess up from life's difficulties. BUT. Taking drugs is a HIGH RISK because of the damage it does to one's body, and also how hard addiction is to OVERCOME. You had the ability and good sense to turn your life around and this is good. Many people can gain inspiration from your story and deliverance from drugs. I am sorry for your loss of your twin brother who died and also for your baby brother who is still USING. Perhaps you can throw him a lifeline if he wants to conquer the habit. I hope you don't have a deterioration in your health from using drugs. Cancer is a scary and bad disease to live with. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. You need to CARE for your body now and build yourself up so that you can heal from all the harshness put on your body from the drugs. Just don't give up thinking "What is the point?" Every day you are given life it is worth saving your life.

May 26, 2014
Lonily Love
by: Tony

I keep trying to talk to my mom too to know she is well. I look to the stars where I believed I seen my dad after he passes away.
You should check closer for a Hep C cure. I heard they discovered a sure cure from listening to Public Radio.
Contact the station and ask them about it. Although I heard it many months ago.
My mother was on pain meds with hospice.
You use drugs because it helps the pain as with my mom. You use like that you die because you don't accept the present with respect.
You can't have with abuse.
Anything in life.

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