Lost Little Sister

by Jen

My big brother died of a heroin overdose a year ago. It was the hardest hit I could possibly take, and I have not been able to get back up from it. My parents blame heroin and say that it was my brother’s choice. In my heart, I can’t believe that. On that dreadful day, he had full intentions of making it home later that night. Unfortunately, he never made it home. He was left in a trashy hotel room….alone. The person who hooked him up, took everything and ran. I used to think an addict was just a low-life idiot….not anymore. My brother was an addict, and was treated as “just another homeless druggie”. The police didn’t even find the “evidence”. Three days after his death, I found what killed him….the police had missed it….the coroner missed it…..my father missed it…..I had to be the one to find it in the pocket of the jeans he died in. I was 20 weeks pregnant at the time. I am still grieving….and looking for someone to talk to who has been in the same position. I have talked with counselors, but they have not personally felt what I have been for the last year. I know the steps…..they are not working. I feel like I have to see the room he died in. I still have so many emotions from his death. So until that person is found, I am lost without my brother.

Comments for Lost Little Sister

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Jun 30, 2014
by: Kristen

I've have yet to find someone who has been through what I have been through as a younger sibling losing an older sibling to heroine. I didn't know Melissa, my sister, had begun using.

If you want to talk, I'd really love that.

May 31, 2014
by: Jolynn

I forgot to add that I too felt as if I needed to see the room my son died in. He died in a small old motel room. I had visions of it being dark and depressing and dirty. Nobody understood my need to see it. In fact, I did not really understand. My brother said that it was morbid. People simply do not get it. Anyway, I went to see it. The woman at the desk remembered him and knew what room he was in. I went in and sat on the bed he died on and I felt relieved. The room was clean and nice and it comforted me knowing his last place in the world wasn't so terrible. I felt better seeing the place where my son took his last breath.

May 31, 2014
by: Jolynn

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son to a Heroin OD about a year ago. He was an officer in the Marines training to be a fighter pilot but someone gave him an oxycontin and he got hooked on that. Street price for a pill can be as much as $80 for one. He went thru all his money and turned to Heroin because it was cheap at $5.00 a bag. He was an outgoing high achieving young man and my world is so sad without him. He was funny and kind and had a brilliant future. He became an officer at 23 yrs. which was no small feat. He died at age 26 as a 1st Lt in the Marines. The world is a lesser place without him. He was a patriot and a leader and the world could have used my brave young man. It is so terribly sad for all of us. I hope u find some peace.

May 04, 2014
Lost Little Sister
by: Carrie

Hi there. First off I would like to say I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I can completely understand how you feel and what you are going through as I am in the same position. My brother's name was David. I lost him on May 23, 2012 and not a moment goes by that he doesn't cross my mind. He was 34 years old, myself just had turned 32. We were close, very close. My heart cannot handle the pain and weight that is on it most days. He to was my best friend. Even as adults with our own children, we did tons together. My family didn't know he had really begun using again which is hard for me. All of the could have and should have things bounce through my mind constantly.My parents took it very hard. Actually my whole family did. The truth is, he was the only one who knew everything about me. We had been in the same environments as children, shared the same fears. I took his death very hard. He was and forever will be my best friend. I can truly say I know how you feel and although terrible to read, your story touched me. It was something else to hear that another person knows exactly how I am feeling. Much love and prayers to you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Mar 06, 2014
Lost Little Sister
by: Doreen UK

Jen I am sorry for your loss of your big brother. This must be the hardest place to be right now. Once a person takes that first dose of heroin they are addicted and even with the best intentions of giving it up it is a habit that would be hard to recover from. We often don't make good choices in our lives for whatever reason a person uses a drug. But even if your brother is responsible for making the choice he did to use heroin it would be no use blaming him or the heroin. He is not here to take responsibility for that choice and you all as a family have to find a way to accept that choice and grieve so you can heal. The first step is accepting what happened and how it has affected your life and still doing so. I am sorry that you didn't get the results and relief in using the counselling experience. A grief counsellor or any counsellor cannot express their personal feelings otherwise it would compromise your success in counselling. We all have to establish boundaries and the counsellor would not be able to empathise even if they knew how it felt for you. In the counselling experience a counsellor has to keep a professional distance. If you returned to counselling with an open mind and no expectations but to tell your experience and to grieve you would find that counselling works. It often gets more painful before you start to feel some healing from your loss. Your healing is not related to whether some person is held accountable for your brother's death. You owe it to yourself to do your grief work, for your own benefit. Even if no one is found and held responsible you would need to focus on how you can help yourself move forward. I hope that in time you will find the answers you need. But if you don't find those answers I hope that you will find life easier each day till you recover from your grief and loss of your brother.

Mar 06, 2014
Lost Sister
by: Anonymous

Please don't beat yourself up. I know losing someone to heroin is awful. I lost my 31 year old son. He was everything to me. The Best! He has a sister 20 and a brother 28. He was the spark in our family! But sometime in his life he started on Opiates, pills whatever, and it usually leads to heroin use. That drug world is bad, and once you get to that point of addiction, cross that line, its not a choice, its a disease, and it takes over. Its so hard for them to get clean again, nearly impossible. Even when they do, they stuggle forever. I went to a meeting last night, where a man had just lost his son to heroin. The police were saying its everywhere now. A lot of it is laced with another ingredient that is strong, and too much for the body. His son had been to many rehabs, but its really hard. Your brother looks like he was a really great guy. My son was too. He graduated from college, and held some good jobs. So they may be addicts, but its a disease, and they are not low life's. Until this society wakes up and starts to find ways to treat addiction, we will continue to lose people that we love. Good people!

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