Lost Lives

by Tammy Fessenden
(Missouri)

James Luther Fessenden The Love of My Life

James Luther Fessenden The Love of My Life

Lost Lives

As I sit here alone thinking of you,
And all of the thing's that we use to do,
I sit here and wonder how it could be,
That you're no longer here with me.

That day when I left you I had bad a bad feeling inside,
And now I won't see you for a very long time;
But how was I suppose to know,
How much I really needed you so?

Our relationship started out so strong,
But somehow, somewhere thing's went wrong;
So for now all I can do,
Is just sit here and write this for you.

Maybe our love wasn't strong enough,
To stand the test of time;
I guess you just weren't tough enough,
And now I must survive.

We had a special love they'd say,
One that just grows and won't fade away;
But they were wrong and now you have gone,
Gone far away.

We had so much and yet so little,
I guess we really didn't know each other;
It's really quite sad, all those wasted years,
Now three years later, still so many tears.

The years that we wasted, not taking the time,
The time to find the people inside;
What we really needed, was never defined,
Now it's all locked up inside of my mind.

I think of you so often in my day to day life,
Especially when I look into our children's eyes;
I see their pain buried deep down inside,
In the same place I've tried to bury mine.

Why did you have to leave us this way,
With so many questions and things left to say,
I often wonder will it ever go away,
All the pain I feel in my heart today.

Will I ever forgive you,
I can't honestly say,
What gave you the right,
To take your life that day.

We will love you forever;
But won't understand,
Because suicide is never
A part of the plan.

With Love Always,

Your Wife And Children;
Tammy, Nicholas And Brittany Fessenden

July 31 1997

Comments for Lost Lives

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Jul 31, 2010
knowing how you feel
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband 12 years ago to suicide and I hate that I know the feelings behind your poem. I've been raising my/our son, watching him, thinking my husband missed all this and I got to hold the bag and clean up his mess, again. Anger I do understand.

Yet, my son is such a gift-beyond words. He is so brave, wise and caring. I wonder what kind of effect this has on him, yet I know this doesn't have to define him...

I believe there's hope, and that there is a plan (I just don't know what it is). I get tired of walking through the darkness, but am grateful for the light. Thank GOD for all the blessings I've received-like my current husband and Dad to my son. The challenges for myself- to Love, forgive and be compassionate (when I do understand), to walk away from pity, be honest with myself (even when it hurts) and honest with my son and my new husband, to sort through all those feelings and new ones I didn't know I had.

Jul 29, 2010
I feel your pain, more than you know
by: charity cox cooper

Oct-27,2009 my husband committed suicide. we had a 3 month old little girl. I was the one to find him. It hasn't even been a year yet and i am still so mad that i don't know where to begin on healing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. your poem said so many things that i feel but i didn't know how to put them into words. thank you...

Jan 22, 2010
Lost Lives
by: Anonymous

That poem makes my heart ache. It is very hard to understand why someone would take their own life. There must have been a lot going on that troubled this young man terribly.

There are many things that we do not understand. Many times people bottle up things inside. There may have been issues of long standing. God is the only one who understands and knows the reasons this happened.

I am sorry for your loss and I would put complete trust in God and pray for comfort. My prayers are with you.

In 1963 my father took his own life and to this day my brothers and I don't know why. Remember that people care, and are here for you whenever you want to talk. My heart goes out to you in this time of sorrow. I well remember how heartbroken I was over my father.

We have a heavenly father to rely on. Take care.

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