Lost Love Again................................

10 years ago I lost my husband. He left me alone with 3 children to raise. I hid my grief, staying strong so my children could go about their lives. I never really faced it head on. I can now see the way this affected their lives and mine. Now that we have lost someone else I grieve. I spent 5 years focused on them before I allowed myself to find love again. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and I can no longer hide. The despair is physically painful. I do not eat, sleep, clean or any other normal daily activity. I get up and work and lay down and cry. I sometimes visit places we went to feel that connection but it doesn't help. I know that one day this will all be better but right now I can not help but wonder why? How could this be happening again? I see the pain in my children's eyes and know that it is just a mirror image of my own. They are grown now but it is still not easy. There is a loop in my head that just keeps playing over and over again. Days and nights of happiness after so many years of loneliness and now it starts all over again.........We were not married so I often feel that people wonder why I am so sad. I mean after all, it is not like I lost my husband. But...the sadness is there and it is real. I spend each day wishing I could see him again. Wishing he could hold me and take away the pain the way he did so many times before. I went to counseling the first time and learned some valuable things. One being the importance of venting. So here I am putting my thoughts down in the hope that I can move past this anger and despair soon. I know I will but want to fast forward to that day. I also know now that I must go through this for that day come. For now I will employ all the techniques I was taught and have read in the hope that I heal soon. I do know that I will never forget him. The joy and happiness he brought to me is why I am now feeling this pain. I focus on that to keep me going. My heart goes out to all the people on this site that are seeking some kind of comfort in their grief. Unfortunately only those that have been there can truly understand.

Comments for Lost Love Again................................

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Feb 14, 2011
I'm Very Reluctant
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for you. I am very reluctant to ever become involved with anyone again because I just don't feel like I could ever go through another grief period. Nobody understands until it has happened to you. Your world stops but everything else keeps moving. You feel like you're sinking and everyone else is walking on solid ground. It's like a carnival ride you want to stop ~ only it won't stop. It's horrible. Just because you weren't married doesn't mean you don't grieve as if you were. You found someone to fill that empty void and now it's empty again. I would imagine it would have to be every bit as difficult as losing a "husband."
Blessings to you ~ and ~ don't try to go through this alone. Everyone on this site is grieving. Write your thoughts often. We are all here to listen. Blessings.

Feb 13, 2011
lost love again
by: jules

My heart goes out to you -
every day - one step - one breath
take care
jules

Feb 12, 2011
Lost my wife of 30 years
by: Anonymous

I lost my wife of 30 years in January of this year. She was diagnosed with brain cancer in June of 2009 and kept a journal the last year and a half of her life. When we just kids in 1986 our son died when he was 10 months old and she wrote in her journal on his birthday how sad she was remembering his passing. Since we were so young and had two other children to raise we never really grieved that loss. Now I have lost her and have the pain of both of those losses with no one to share the pain. My children are also grown and the loss of their brother isn't as real to them since they were so young when he died. They remember him because of family photos. Now they are trying to deal with the loss of their mother and I don't want to increase their burden by watching me fall apart.

Feb 12, 2011
lost love again
by: sue

I know the feelings you are going through!
I too lost my 1st husband when my babies were both under 3 years old. all your energy and time is focused on them. Then one day they are grown and you find that someone special that makes love possible again. I cant give you advise as it has been 9 years since my 2nd husband passed from cancer and he took my heart with him. I was a mess and it is hard to find the right way for you to endure. There is no fix. Its simply endure and take one breath at a time.

I have all my thoughts and prayers focused on you.
Try to eat, try to rest and let the memories wash over you and the tears flow. One day those memories wont hurt as badly
I wish I had the magic answer.

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