I write this morning because I feel like I finally can again. I cant get you out of my head. Your tenderness and the way you made me feel is one of the things I miss about you the most. When you died I died inside. I think of you constantly you probably consume 90% of my day as a lover should i guess. I have tried to imagine myself with someone else but every time a guy hits on me or seems interested I just start talking about you. I would feel guilty for ever being with someone else. You were the love of my life of eternity. My feelings are not going to change. I will not have anymore kids and yet I am young. I will not ever be in love again. Only you only you only you. Why cant people understand this? I am getting better but spending time at the cemetary seems peaceful for me. I just want to be somewhere you can hear me. Please give me a sign my love.. please
I know how it is to feel so desperate to want a sign something anything to feel like we are not so very alone....bereft. To me, it seems like the little signs came when I was more open to them. Just when I struggled to find my way towards some type of contentment. They happened quite often once I knew what signs they were. Everyone is different in grief and dealing with the awful consuming loneliness that encompasses every waking moment. As we claw and fight our way out of grief it is then that we notice little things. Not miraculas (sp) yet just the right thing at the right time...
