Lost Love

by Teresa Smith
(Dorchester, MA)

lost love

lost love

It's been almost a year now. Wayne had a fatal accident on his way to work December 26, 2011, In some ways this has been a quick year, and it other's, it's dragged by. I haven't been able to begin to date again, I'm just not ready, but of course, everyone has advise for you on how they think you need to be running YOUR life now. Christmas is almost here, and then New years. I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do these days. I used to look forward to weekends, not anymore. All of the days just seem to drag into each other, with no real end. But I don't cry everyday anymore. I'm told this gets, better, I'm still waiting. I don't think it gets better, it appears to be just another one of those things I have to learn how to live with. Maybe one of these days I'll start to enjoy life again.

Warmest Regards to You All

Comments for Lost Love

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Dec 04, 2012
Lost Love
by: Doreen U.K.

Teresa I am sorry for your loss of your Love from your life and how this has turned your life upside down.
There is no hard and fast way of coping with grief. We will all cope with grief as and when we need to cry and express our feelings over our loss. We will in time get used to living without our loved one, but it is too early to start processing this. TIME is what will bring Healing and help us to live with less pain.
Don't let anyone advise you how to live, how to grieve, and how to move on with your life. This will happen when you are ready.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago and I can't get motivated to do some things in life. Others will take time. I used to look forward to the weekend, and holidays. Now it is all the same. TIME. Time is all we have and it will lapse into each new day. I don't like the weekends now at all. Steve died on a Saturday night just before 10p.m. running into Sunday morning and his funeral was on a Friday so this takes care of the whole weekend of grief. Weekends will never be the same again EVER. Life will never be the same again EVER. We just drift into each new day doing what we have to do until we start to suddenly pick up the pieces of our lonely life now and go on to another day. I escape into TV. This helps with the lonliness. I hope you go onto having a happier life and be able to move on from where you are now, and when you are ready to move on with your life that you will be successful in meeting a new partner who will bring you joy and happiness.

Dec 04, 2012
Lost Love
by: Terri Smith

To Ashley Belle and "I hate that day" by Anonymous, I have found that first understanding that we do have to go on is the first step. I can speak from experience to both of you that no matter how busy we try and keep ourselves, the people that we spent so much time with are ALWAYS on our minds. Staying focused for me was very hard at first. The everyday things that I did, and I'm sure you both did as well, no longer have the same meaning. I for instance, used to shave my legs every other day. I haven't done this since Wayne died, it's no longer a concern of mine, because dating isn't on my "to do" list, so noone other than my family sees em'. I have just recently starting eating full meals again. Here's a smile for you both, I did loose the weight I was trying so hard to loose prior to Waynes death. It wasn't a lot. I wasn't overweight, just wanted to loose about another 15lbs, but it's gone now, and will probably never return, and that's ok. Talk to your loved ones everyday, and often, it will help. Also before you go to sleep at night, ask for your spirit guides, this will also bring your loved ones to you as you sleep. Keep in mind every time you are thinkingof them, it may be thier way of letting you know they are with you. Look for clues in your everyday life. Spirits have to use clues to let you know they are present.Keep your mind open for them. I promise you, eventually, you will smile again. This is a process and will take time, but don't let anyone rush your individual healing. I kiss Waynes' photo every morning when I wake up, this helps me begin my day. I want to continue to hear from you both, so please keep in touch, and wish you both well. Terri

Dec 04, 2012
Love Lost
by: Anonymous

We widows completely understand. It's so maddening to have people think just becasue you're alone that you need to go out and find someone else.
I don't need a man to define who I am. I loved my husband with all my heart but we were two seperate people who blended together when we needed and then other times not ...but our love was forever. I do go out and have had several "movie" dates but I know I'm not ready for anythng serious. Only I know when I will be and don't need others to tell me where to go to meet men. GEEZ!

You hit the nail on the head when you said we just have to learn to live with the loss. We do the best we can each day to get used to our new normal.

I too hate to see x-mas roll in . That was his favorite time and I always made sure he enjoyed it and became excited to see just how much I could make it more special for him. Now it's to celebrate the birth of Jesus for whom I would not have made it throught the last two years without.

Dec 04, 2012
I understand
by: Ashley Belle Vernon, PA

I know what you are going through. I lost my mother eight year ago and it did get better, but I think I can relate to you even more because I lose the love of my life four months ago (please read my story "The loss of two of the most important people of my life** My Soul Mate and Best friend only 29 years old and my Mother 45 years old) and I am dreading the holidays. People tell me all the time that it's going get better but I don't think it's going to this time. I feel like I am going backward not forward. I don't cry everyday either but I find myself having more bad days then good anymore. I feel like no one understand and I don't want to burdened anyone with my sadness. I am glad I read your story it made me realize that I am not the only one feeling this way and it’s ok that it does get better and we both just need to be able to live with it. If you ever need to talk or vent I will listen. I don’t know how to make it stop hurting but I am someone that understands. Thanks you again and I hope it does get better for you.

Dec 04, 2012
I Hate That Day
by: Anonymous

I lost two people who were like my second parents in a sudden, tragic accident on that day. Little did I know that many years later, I would lose the love of my life in the same peculiar way. It has been a struggle every day since. I am not quite as far as you into the grief process. But, I ask, why does anyone have to "move on"? There just becomes more distance between the present day and the event that changed my life. I have accomplished quite a bit in that time. For instance, I went from not washing my hair days at a time to my old routine of every day. Quite an accomplishment because it meant changing my attitude from "who cares" to "yuck" even if he's not here for me to impress. I also went from not cooking to cooking as it was a former joy that I shared with my love. It helped me smile and, quite frankly, I am not ready to eat out at night because it's too painful. So, that leaves eating in. I guess what I'm saying, we all just need to take it in our own time at steps that we're comfortable with. Unless someone else has been through this pain, they should not even be offering advice on how to get through it. You do what you need, in your time, and eventually, you will find little pieces of joy in your life that exist alongside and in the midst of your sadness. That doesn't have to mean joy in another relationship. It can be the joy of having clean hair or cooking a meal for yourself.

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