I have to start by saying that I was surprised (shall I say pleasantly in a sad sort of way) at how many people understood my story as theirs is so much the same. I am married to a man who I'm sure loves me, as he tells me he does, but he is not my love. That place is held by a man I knew 21 years ago. I was 18 and he was 17. I remember how I felt when I was near him. I don't remember how long we were together, only that a lot happened in a small amount of time. I think start to finish was 1 year.
I have said in the past that I am totally against people who have affairs but if "He" ever showed up in my life I would not be able to say no. And now, I have gone looking for him (on Facebook) and found him. I have chatted a bit, but he doesn't seem to be very talkative. When I said as much, he apologized for not chatting. I found myself saying anything just so I would see a response from him. I don't know what I am trying to achieve, but I can't stop thinking about him. I wake up thinking of him, and I go to sleep thinking of him. I lay next to my husband, the father of my two children, wishing it was him I longed for. I wish I had the guts to let my husband go, but I have two children to raise and they deserve this life I have set up for them. Maybe when they are older I can let go of my husband and see if there is anything there. He may not even want to. He does have a girlfriend (says he will never get married). Maybe I'll never know if its a long lost love or a love that's lost. I hate this ache though. I thought I was past this. I want the ache to go away until I can do something. Why does our heart have to have a mind of its own?