Lost mom and dad 5 weeks apart

by Hannah

My mom had been in and out of the hospital all of 2012 with infection in her body. She had spent so much time in bed that she went to a rehab facility after leaving the hospital for physical therapy. She was doing well and I had about 2 or 3 months with her. I received a call one night and she had been taken back to the hospital for respiratory failure. I had to make the decision to put her on a ventilator. I spent more nights of 2012 sleeping next to her in the hospital, than in my own bed with my husband. She eventually came off the respirator, but still was not doing very well. She was on the respirator twice. The third time she ended up in the hospital, I decided not to put her on the respirator. I watched her having a heart attack in the ER, which horrified me to death. Seeing the way her body reacted. When the hospital found out she was dying, they just pushed her in the corner and forgot about her. That was not going to happen. One of the nurses pulled me aside and told me we needed to call hospice. I did not know very much about them, but I am so glad I put her there. At this point, mom was telling me to let me go, I am ready to go. She has been sick for so long and was in so much pain. She arrived at hospice on a Friday night and my brother and I took my dad to see her. He had been diagnosed with alzheimers and was telling her to get better and come back to him. We could not tell him how sick she was. My brother and I spent the nights with her. He slept in the little bed and I slept in the chair holding her hand, with my head on her shoulder. We lost her Sunday at 2 pm on January 20, 2013. My husband, my brother, and myself was with her. I held her hand the entire time and tried to be strong for her, but I couldnt stop the tears from running down my face. We had the chaplin to say a prayer for her and as we said Amen, she passed. The chaplin told me it was like that gave her permission to go. I had told her to do what she needed to do when she told me she wanted to go. I told her I loved her no matter what. We decided not to tell dad because he was so confused by then. About 2 weeks after her funeral, he had a really lucid day and asked about mom. I told him the truth. He cried and told me atleast she wasn't in pain anylonger. They spent their 60th anniversary on December 24th in the hospital next to her bed, holding her hand, crying and praying. We made sure they were together. After losing mom, dad basically gave up.

On March 4, 2013, my brother decided to take the day off work and he went to sit with me and dad. We sat with him all day. We recognized the breathing by then and knew he was dying. I held his hand and told him that I loved him. I apologized that I had to put him in a nursing home for the last two months. He was so frail by this time and didn't even recognize me. We lost him that night at 7 pm.

I feel as if I can still get in the car and go see them, but I know I can't. I cry everyday. My mom was my best friend and I miss her so much. Their memories are everywhere. My mom and dad both worked on my house when i was building it and I see them everywhere. My mom helped me paint the railings with a feather dusted and my dad helped me put marble around the fireplace.

My parents meant the world to me and I don't know how I can go through life without them. Without my mom calling on my birthday and singing happy birthday out of key to my dad coming whenever I needed him.

It is bad enough to lose one parent, but to lose both so close together, it is horrible. I feel lost and like I have been left all alone. Now it is just myself, my husband and my brother. I have cried for 3 months now everyday.

Comments for Lost mom and dad 5 weeks apart

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May 08, 2013
lost mom and dad 5 wks apart
by: silver

My mother outlived my dad by 7 months.They had been married 64 1/2 yrs when he died of complications of cancer. She had alzheimers in the early stage progressing towards the middle stage. She was a military wife (dad in Air Force for over 20 yrs). She raised 6 kids and moved approx. every 3 yrs. When my dad got cancer she helped take care of him when needed. I think when he died she just gave up.She all of a sudden had no one to take care of anymore.She was 81.I miss them both.I just thank GOD that I got to keep them around as long as I did.

Apr 10, 2013
It is so hard without my Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous, I am sorry for your loss of your mom to breast cancer and for how Lost you are feeling right now. You are facing raw grief and this is why it hurts so much. Try if you can to see a good grief counsellor and one who will work well with you. You will soon move forward from where you are. Often one can be stuck in grief and can't move forward without some support. You will still miss your mom but the unbearable pain will be more bearable. You need to
do this so that your husband and other family members don't feel so isolated as if they have lost you and it is taking too long to get you back. It is difficult for us who is grieving because of the other responsibilities we have and we often can't continue the care of our families and the normal duties for a while. Try and get support from your family if you can so you have time for yourself in counselling or a grief group. It will just help you move forward a bit from where you are. In my case after 11 months I am feeling my grief MORE. I feel the isolation and a memory can trigger off my grief more. This is happening more and more now.
It is difficult when you have a hospital appointment and there is no one to support you. It is so difficult to face life without our loved one's. Hold onto your husband and your brother and get their support if you need it. Don't suffer alone. I still feel LOST after 11 months. Perhaps I will feel this way for a long time. The first thing I thought of was OH! God just don't give me 30 or 40 yrs on my own without my husband. This would be so very cruel. So you are not alone thinking ahead is all too common. WE just see this mountain we have to climb and wonder how we will do it. It is the grief that makes us feel this way. You will get your life back and you will feel normal again. It will just take time. Do something nice for yourself each day and build on this till you start feeling better. Even if it is just to put fresh flowers in a vase and brighten up little corners of your life. I am starting to do this. My husband loved Roses. I have planted a rose garden. And I am putting flowers all around the house. It makes me feel better. I wish you Peace and comfort in your grief.

Apr 08, 2013
It is so hard without my mom
by: Anonymous

You grow up knowing that no one lives forever, but how is it that someone who has been in your life the entire time, is now gone. My mom was my best friend and we did everything together. She was in the hospital so long that I still feel like I can get in my car and go see her, but I can't. I feel like I am walking around in someone elses world, not mine. I don't sleep at night because its like I can't get out of my own head. To start with it was that I was seeing my mom breathing like a fish out of water at the end, but now I just want to cry. Everytime I lie down, I think about my mom and dad.I know my mom went through so much being sick for so long and she isn't in pain anylonger, but I guess I'm selfish. I want my mom back healthy and happy. I don't know how I am going to make it through the next 30 or 40 years without my mom and dad. I only have my brother and husband now. Thats just not the same. My mom had breast cancer three times and survived thru it all three times. It is getting time for me to have my first mammogram and I will have to do it alone. Not only will that be scary, but I know I will end up in tears because of all the time I was there with my mom supporting her.

Not only dealing with losing mom and dad, but I lost a cousin to cancer 2 weeks ago and a friend died in a car accident 2 days ago on the way to work. It seems like everyone who is near and dear to my heart is being taken away from me. I don't know if I can make it through another funeral without losing it. I just miss mom and dad so much that I can't even explain it. I feel lost and like I am just going through the motions everyday. Its not living- I'm not sure what this is that I am doing. I'm just LOST!

Apr 05, 2013
by: Anonymous

Reading what you wrote just broke my heart. You have been through so much. I do feel like I am in a dream state. some days its if they are still here and others I can't stop crying because I know they are not here. I lost a boyfriend of 2 years in 1992 due to a car accident and even that seems like it was yesterday. You never really forget them or the way you feel for them. I feel like you, just all alone. Hang in there and I am here for you. Love, Hannah

Apr 05, 2013
To Anonymous
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I know how you feel. I pray that my parents are together again. I believe their spirits are in heaven and peaceful. I haven't really had any sleep since I lost my mom in January and that is the hardest part. When you see them go, it is in your head and you see it when you lie down at night. I did look at my mom in her Casket and it did give me comfort. She looked so peaceful. I left a lipstick kiss on her head and asked the attendant to leave it there. It is a hurt that is hard to explain. You feel all alone in the world, but anything I can do for you, please let me know. We can all support each other. All my love and prayers to you. Hannah

Apr 05, 2013
Lost mom and dad 5 weeks apart
by: Doreen U.K.

Hannah I am so sorry for your loss of your mom and dad so close to each other. It is bad enough facing one death, but to lose both parents so soon is terribly harsh to deal with.
There is a great emptiness that is so very hard to express that makes one feel as if they are on another planet all by themselves. One of the worse experiences we will ever have to deal with in life. Even if we know and are told often WE WILL ALL DIE ONE DAY. It almost sounds cruel to hear this, because when it happens it feels worse than the reality of the loss (if that makes sense). The very atmosphere of life changes that doesn't feel like reality but more like a dream state and every so often we get a glimpse of the reality. It hurts to see all the little reminders around the home and where our loved one's were and where they touched. IT HURTS.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago today from a deadly cancer. I wake up and feel as if I dreamt this. It does feel worse for me. Perhaps because I was in this dream like state. As if my shock absorbers are suddenly letting go a little and I am FEELING MORE. My husband was a carpenter and there are memories all over the house of his stamp on his home he didn't live long enough to enjoy. This hurts.
Hold onto your husband and children tightly and enjoy every moment. I lost my mom 10 yrs. ago and now my husband and IT HURTS MORE THAN I CAN SAY. My father is dying so I am left ALONE and heartbroken. Can't move forward the way I would like to as I have mobility issues. So with being housebound it makes life harder. But I have to soldier on. Such is Life. I hope you have good supportive friends and family to help you through this valley of grief.

Apr 05, 2013
Peace and Hope
by: Anonymous

May you find peace and comfort in God's Grace. I lost my Mother on March 23, 2013 and I am grieving so much. I turn to pray to get me up in the morning. Dee

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