Lost Mother to ALS 17 yrs ago....that was yesterday
Mother filled my life with full possession through 27 years of my life, a marriage and a miscarriage. She gave me courage and love I could not get from 2nd husband. He was terrified of intimacy. I was a pleaser: the best daughter, wantabe best wife, and a driven loving mother. It was a rocky time between college and the 2nd marriage. She learned to back off and let me ruin my own life. I had lived in a 2nd marriage of "I'll work for love"; Mother gave me the reinforcement and love that He could not. Burn out was barreling down on me. Then it happened... her fatigue, difficulty swallowing and short breath was diagnosed as ALS. I stepped up to the plate,I gave her my all as caregiver, fearless advocate and the Love of my Life. Physicians gave her 3 days; we maintained her in our home for 3.5 years of joy,companion and facing the inevitable in grace and beauty. The troubled marriage was left to survive on its own. The children felt love and needs met by me. Husband lived to be taken care of and mothered. Burn out came and he was unable to help shoulder my reality. My mother and children gave me purpose that I never felt with him. I was lost without Mother (Naomi and Ruth); ALS had been a greedy and relentless disorder. It was exhausting watching a beautiful rose dry up and wither away to dust. I was grasping to hold on to life; husband was still very resentful and just as terrified to comfort me or begin to share passion. Later,17 years,I learned he suffered P.I.O.S. and personality challenges. I only began to feel almost balanced as of this year 2012. That has been 3 years after the divorce. I miss my baby, my best friend, Mother. We were meant to be a team most longer than 42 years.