Lost Motherhood

I loved my ex husband. I loved him so much until I tolerated a lot of physical and mental abuse from him. I met him on my 20th birthday. I had my share of heartache before meeting my ex as my dad was murdered at 11, mother died an agonizing death of cancer @ 13 and I was raped @ 12. Needless to say I was a little fragile upon meeting him so this might be the reason I was with him for about 14 years and married for 10.

During the turbulent marriage, I was stupid & confided in my grandmother about the violence and she & my great uncle ended up hating him. This created so much pain on my part.

Unfortunately, I never had children with my ex and I really don't have an explanation as to why other than the obvious reasons. He ended up getting another woman pregnant during numerous "business" trips. He ended up having 2 children and I am finding myself alone & childless.

My grandmother died and it's as though I have been grieving over my lost marriage, my motherhood and the loss of my grandmother consecutively. It's so hard :(

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