Lost my best friend and wonderful mother

by K
(Arizona)

My mom and I began living together in 1989 when my dad passed away. We helped each other through the grief process and were almost constant companions, sharing a house, everything actually. Then, 1 1/2 years later, we ended up facing the death of my 17 year old niece in a car accident and three days later, my brother (her uncle) suddenly died while in Alaska with us to attend the funeral of my niece. This sent us reeling. We, again, forged through this aweful tragedy of two deaths in the family within one week. We became closer yet and leaned on each other for strength through the grief process again. To say the least, we were much closer than a lot of mothers and daughters. We enjoyed life together while I worked full time to support us. We were bonded emotionally and, actually, became a unit of sorts. We faced the deaths of my mom's brothers, then in 1997 tragedy again struck our immediate family with the sudden death of another of my brothers who had been a great moral/ emotional support for the both of us. We felt devistated even more by his death.
Shortly after, my mom faced a crisis of her own when a botched heart catheterization caused her to almost bleed out entirely. By a miracle of God, she pulled through. We, again, continued to walk through the grief process for my brother.

Long story short, we leaned on each other, found strength and companionship, were family to each other since the rest of our family is 2,000 miles away...she meant the world to me and I have been focused on taking care of her and getting her through multiple health problems, monitoring her...and, for the past three years providing caregivers and caregiving.
I witnessed her suffer a massive stroke Friday morning...she is now gone from me and I am devistated, haunted by the sight and sound of the violent death of my dear, dear mom and best friend.

We are taking her across the country to be buried by my dad.
I will return alone and do not want to be alone...actually I have been so focused on my mom for so long, I don't know how I will handle it. .....Just facing facts, I know it will be heart wrenching and difficult to function. I have trouble sleeping in the master bedroom where I had my mom's hospital bed and my bed so that I could hear hear and attend to her if she needed me. I am haunted and heartbroken by the way she died.

I need a miracle of God to help me through this.I don't even know how I will stay in my house after this...

Comments for Lost my best friend and wonderful mother

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Jun 07, 2014
Prayers Please
by: K

I've been staying with family in my home state since the funeral. I don't really want to go back to my place of residence. Each morning I wake up feeling disoriented and having had some sort if dream about my mom's death. I have to work to get my thoughts straightened out and get my bearings. I am concerned about going back to the house and being alone where my mom passed away. It is very disturbing. I pray. I know God will be with me. But I still fear being alone with disturbing thoughts and grief.

May 31, 2014
Hold on to HOPE! We will see our loved one's again!!!
by: Doreen UK

K when you are feeling low try and also do good things for yourself each day to build up your self esteem and help the healing process. It is good if you get involved in church life. I plan to do the same. Being involved in something is going to help us move forward better. You will have up and down days, but God is in control and he is holding us up. He will keep doing this. Also we have this Blessed Hope of seeing our loved one's again when Jesus comes back for us as he Promised. Hold on to this Hope. God Bless.

May 31, 2014
Thank you ,Doreen
by: Anonymous

Thank you, Doreen,for responding and for your kind words of encouragement. l wish you weren't alone. I wish you weren't in pain!

All of my family lives across the country from me. I am going to take your advice and move forward one day at a time. I think I am going to try to find a church family to be involved in..hopefully.

Take care....I hope to hear from you again.





May 27, 2014
Lost my best friend and wonderful mother
by: Doreen UK

K I am so sorry for all the multiple losses you have had to endure in the last 25yrs. and now losing your mom. This is such an unbearable time for you to cope with all alone.
This is one of the worst aspects of death, losing your mom, your nurturer and caregiver. Because that is what moms do CARE and GIVE all the time. It also seems you did more than your fair share of being caregiver to your family and your mom. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 2 yrs. ago to a deadly cancer and I was his caregiver for the last 3yrs.39days. of his life. This is such a lonely journey. The grief is so unbearable. I hate the emptiness and loneliness of the house. It can become a prison because I have mobility issues at the moment. Despite keeping busy during the day, it is still a miserable time full of sorrow when you lose your close loved ones. The best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago, and I could do with her support just now. My husband was always supportive when we lost family members and we leaned on each other. Now I have no one who is on my level and can take the journey with me. My body is more painful now and grief does not help. I hope that you have supportive extended family and friends to walk with you till you can recover from grief.

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