lost my biggest fan, daddy's girl

by Kelli
(New York)

I am 21 years old, my father died one week ago. I have so much guilt, shock, denial, anger, sorrow, and fear. Everyone is telling me to just " get back to normal." What is normal? NOTHING will ever be normal again, everyone tells me to go back to work right away. Don't I deserve time? I am young and can work in the future, I feel I don't have the strength. Everyone will look at me sadly like everyone has been, I have not been able to let it all out, someone is always watching. Someone is always telling me to "just be thankful for the times you DID have." If I was not thankful for that, then this would not hurt so badly. Right? I'm not sure, I'm not sure of anything anymore except that since monday when I got the news at work I have not had a moment to deal with it, I have been planning his funeral, I had to fly to North Carolina to see my sister and sign legal papers. My sister and I are his only beneficiaries and unfortunatly due to a lifelong battle with substance abuse, my father has not left much in the form of money, which is fine, I do not want money. However, I am learning quickly that the world does not have time for your problems, and planning a funeral, while tragic, is also very very expensive. Now I am stuck between grieving, and working for money. I am too young to be responsible for all of this. :/

Comments for lost my biggest fan, daddy's girl

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Jun 23, 2012
lost my daddy a week ago
by: kim

I totally understand how you feel, its a deep wound in ur heart u feel like will never heal. The pain is almost unbearable. I totally understand how u feel. I sat on my dads bed and watched him breathe to make sure he didnt die alone, the next day he went away while i was n the next room, i watched him suffer in pain until he slipped into a coma, this is killing me, pray i find some peace somewhere, dad had no insurance, so tryn to take care of everything and and my mom and the funeral etc, kept me busy and now its hitting me really hard, i will pray for each of you to find the peace we all are needing.

Jun 23, 2012
lost my daddy a week ago
by: kim

I totally understand how you feel, its a deep wound in ur heart u feel like will never heal. The pain is almost unbearable. I totally understand how u feel. I sat on my dads bed and watched him breathe to make sure he didnt die alone, the next day he went away while i was n the next room, i watched him suffer in pain until he slipped into a coma, this is killing me, pray i find some peace somewhere, dad had no insurance, so tryn to take care of everything and and my mom and the funeral etc, kept me busy and now its hitting me really hard, i will pray for each of you to find the peace we all are needing.

May 02, 2012
Thank you
by: Jade

Thank you for writing this. I am 21 and lost my dad 2months ago. He also suffered years of alcohol abuse and my brother and I are the only beneficiaries. The whole Experience has been very scarring after having seen my dads body in the mortuary and seeing him being cremated. I hope you give yourself the time to recover from this and have a good cry when you are alone. The best comfort I have found is taking to strangers about it. This has helped me become stronger and cope with the bad memories.
Jade x

May 02, 2012
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for extending your thoughts and telling me your story, it makes me feel not as alone and I am truly so sorry for your loss as well. It is extremely difficult, but I also find writing letters or poems are helpful to release some emotions and somehow tell him all the things I wish I had said before. One day at a time is a stretch so I'm starting with one moment, I know in time I may start to feel stronger but I will never get over this. My life has changed in every way forever, I hope that you find peace in your heart and that you and your sister are able to support each other in this difficult journey.

May 02, 2012
Prayer
by: Rose

I will pray you find peace soon. Take time to grieve. No one can tell you when or how to "get back to normal." There is no normal in grief time. Everyone has their own. We each find a new normal. Pretty much-coping and taking one day at a time, some days it is hour by hour. I lost my daughter, your pain is heart felt. You are young and hurting, and I am truly sorry for your loss.
Rose


Blessings-

May 02, 2012
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
by: Anonymous

hi i know what your going through. my dad is gone 6 months and to be honest with you i find it very hard. people say that to me you have to move on be thankful for what you have. my dad was only 61 im 31 my baby sister is only 19. my dad went for a minor operation and died. all i can say to you is take one day at a time all that your feeling is normal. i do write letters to my dad telling him how im feeling and it really helps. dont be afraid to cry. take care and please know that your dad is watching over you,

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