Lost my Dad 1 Year Ago

by Sunil

I lost my father exactly an year ago to Cancer. He was to retire from work and perhaps enjoy retirement but cruelly Cancer stuck him and he did not live long since being diagnosed.

I miss my dad and am grieving the last few days of his life which were cruel. I have trouble going to sleep. Am trying to find a way to shut my mind off the painful last few days but its not easy. I am sorry to not have been of better help during that difficult time. Maybe we should have said no to chemotherapy. Maybe we could have tried something else. I sometimes can't accept this loss. It's as though a part of my soul is gone.

I am also particularly upset with a lack of sensitivity among people 'close' to me. They seem to act as though loosing my dad is ok and that I need to move on. Even my wife took a holiday after my father's passed away and left me alone to grieve. I suppose moving on for me has not been easy one bit.

Death is painful, especially when it happens to someone dear to you. I badly miss him & his support through difficult times. This time around, am alone during the hard & harsh time. I am now feeling lonely, in a state of grief and flux - not sure what my priorities in life are. I miss you dad (appa)...if you can feel or hear me somewhere! You were truly a great father!

Comments for Lost my Dad 1 Year Ago

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Apr 14, 2013
To Doreen
by: Sunil

Thanks Doreen for the message and kind words - very thoughtful of you. I seem to find more supportive people online than in my real world. Its very unfortunate that a man works hard and sincerely all his life supporting family and cant live to retire peaceful, rest, see his grandchildren, and enjoy certain aspects of old age.

I am also sorry to hear what you have gone through. its a bit inspiring that you are holding on and are able to offer kind words to others online. I feel that there are greater chances for me to find more comfort online.

I am not sure what my objective in life is now. I am feeling orphaned & saddened by the somewhat cruel last few days for my dear dad. They continue to present nightmares, often when i get to sleep! Such is life.

Apr 12, 2013
Lost my Dad 1 Year Ago
by: Doreen U.K.

Sunil I am sorry for your loss of your Dad 1 yr. ago. I know how you feel. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago to MESOTHELIOMA. (lung cancer caused by working with asbestos, incurable, inoperable, and aggressive.) I was my husband's caregiver for 3yrs.39days and he died on May 5th 2012. It has been the worst loss of my life. A dear husband who was devoted to his family and worked hard for 47yrs. He lost out on his retirement and so I am doing this on my own. It is so sad that a man works hard all his life and looks forward to retirement which is HIS TIME and he has earned this, AND then he dies too quickly.
It does seem a bit insensitive that your wife went on holiday and left you alone with your grief. But see this as YOUR TIME. To grieve how and when you want without interruption from family or friends, who don't always understand the length of our grief and think "We should be over it." When your wife loses one of her family. THEN SHE WILL UNDERSTAND. When I used to hear of someone dying. I would sympathise. But I couldn't EMPATHISE because I had never known the deep level of painful emotions that followed. It is only when one has this experience that they can sympathise and empathise with us in our grief and sorrow. Often people can be put off by our level of pain and talking about our loss. So I don't share this with others. I keep it to myself and God. Everyone handles grief differently and in duration. BUT. No one can tell you when and how long to grieve. This is personal and individual. sometimes people go to a grief counsellor and find that they are able to move on better from their grief with less painful emotions. That is if you get the right counsellor. Some people don't have a good experience because they get the wrong counsellor. But keep trying. It is worth it. I have made a memorial garden for my husband in our back garden. You will experience a lot of pain for some time. But it won't last forever. You will be able to honour your father in a different way where you will cope better.

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