Lost my dad 17 years ago and still grieving

by Audrey

My dad passed away 17 years ago when I was 12 (he was 51) from cancer. All my teenager years I have spent them, forgetting and ignoring what happened and protecting as much as I can my mum. I'm now 29 and struggle in my personal life. I have been putting my partner through all the different stages of my grief, I'm now going through the anger stage ... I have been transferring all my love, admiration, anger, sadness, blame onto my partner for years which is so wrong. I know that I have to do something about it now in order to be able to move on with my life, I have already wasted too much time. You have to (if you can) seek for help straight away and talk as much as you can about it otherwise it will catch you up ... even 20 years later you will still have this pain in you which blocks you for doing everything ...

Comments for Lost my dad 17 years ago and still grieving

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Aug 29, 2014
Lost my dad 17 years ago and still grieving
by: Doreen UK

Audrey you have postponed and ignored your grief of the loss of your father, and now it has caught up with you and stopped you from moving forward into a more productive life. Nothing wrong with the years you gave to your mum. Now you have to think of yourself. If you are able to find a good counsellor you could benefit from this skilled support so you won't destroy your relationship with your partner by starting off on the wrong foot by transferring your issues to him. Often we do this when we don't know how to change, or able to recognise what we are doing. You do recognise what you are doing, and know it is wrong, but powerless to change. Best seek professional help. I DID IT, in my 40's. I related better and it benefitted those around me who I interacted with, and they benefitted also from my new life. I have a better positive outlook on life now despite losing my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. Never too late to reclaim your life. See it as a positive and exciting discovery. You owe it to yourself and your partner, or you will lose him if you allow things to carry on like this. Healing will take place in both of you as you work together.

Aug 28, 2014
Still grieving
by: Jane

Dear Audrey. Your words hit me right in my heart, because my Brothers are doing since 15 months the same thing like you did 17 years long. They ignore our Moms death. They don´t even talk about her. One off my nephew just 15 years old, talled me, "since grandma is death our Mom and Dad don´t talk about her anymore. Almost 1 year they didn´t talk with me neather. But I have to accept there way now, otherwise I will loose them again, and this time it would be for ever. I almost did Suizid after Mom has died, because they didn´t talk with me anymore. That has make me crazzy and sick and I felt so lonesome and guilty, because our Mom wanted us to see together all the time. It was just too much for me. Andrey you didn´t grief for 17 years that must be a awful time for you. Let your grief come out. I wish I could hold you just close in my arms and let you cry. You have to talk to your Partner und try to explain what is going on inside your Soul. Maybe you can get some help. But it is good that you have relized by your self, that you can´t just ignore your fathers death. It will stay in your heart and find other ways so long, til you will listen to your heart and feel the grieving pain. It has to come out, otherwise it is making you sick.Right now my heart stopped grieving too. It just came by its self even my best friend is dying and I need so much power for visiting her and I will move to a smaller Apartment. It is all so much right now. Aundrey, please go your grieving way, even it was 17 years ago. You will see you going to get a new person. It´s a long, long way thru a dark tunnel. Just go one day by day. Grieving needs much time. If you believe in God, just pray for help. He is there with his open arms and waiting for you. Thanks for sharing your words with us.

"The way, which you have to go now, nobody knows this way. Never somebody has go this was like you will go it now. Because it is just your way. I will pray for you. Love Jane

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