Lost my dad, but feel like grief was too short

by Lain
(South Am)

Hi everyone. I'm 28 (but still feel like a 14 yr old sometimes), and just lost my dad 2 weeks ago.
He was very young, had not even reached his 45's He was really a nice person.

We didn't live with him though. I didn't meet him until I was 16 (raised by single mom and grandparents), but I never got angry with him nor my mom.In his last years he was living with my aunts (his two sisters)and my cousins.

Actually he was a very very good person....somehow he was more like a kid or a friend rather than a paternal figure (he was a former hippie, and musician, and loved to travel so much). He was the kind of person you just couldn't get mad at. He really made us laugh so much, that's why we all loved him so.
Last year he got very sick and ended up iin the hospital.He recovered a month later, but from that day on,his health became more delicate, and every now and then he would have esofagus crisis that made him fall into hospital again, and return home a couple of weeks later.
This year I had so, so many work...and later a trip to another country. While we were there he suffered another crisis and ended up in hospital again and we didn't find out until we returned home. Strangely, this time his crisis wasn't as bad as the other ones, and every one thought he could return home soon...and as a couple weeks passed by, suddenly one of my half sisters texted me and told me that dad was doing very very bad, and he had very little time left....it just shocked me...I collapsed, cried and my mom too...and the next day he died before we coul go to the hospital to visit him....so, he died before I could even say good bye...

Everything happened so fast from that day. At the beggining got into bad depression; I didn't care much about anything, nor work, friends, room tidying...I would just stay in bed until late afternoon, and cry myself to sleep at nights , with some heavy insomnia and overeating.

But what shocks me the most is the fact that 2 weeks have passed and suddenly I feel like nothing, after feeling awfull for so many days. I must admit I hid myself from this with work and stuff (Im an illustrator, so I had many comissions to finish the week after)...but when I finished it all I started feeling weird again. I've changed the way I dress and put make up. I've allways been a little bit of a tomboy/childish rocker girl, but lately I see myself in a more womanly way than before, even using some heavy makeup or more daring combinations of clothes, getting rid of clothes that I used to like but now I hate...and not caring much about what anyone thinks of me...I used to be more shy in that aspect too...I trully don't know what happens to me, nothing makes sense anymore,and it feels even more weird starting to cry all over again when I finally was feeling like I was getting over it. And I'm worried about my mom too because I know she is kind of enduring this by also hidding in her stuff too. She also cried very much at the beggining and now she's allways working on something (guess I got it from her)
It feels like something changed in me but nothing makes sense. Should I ask for help? It will feel weird in my house bringing up the topic again...

Comments for Lost my dad, but feel like grief was too short

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 27, 2012
Lost my dad, but feel like grief was too short
by: Doreen U.K.

Lain, You have lived a complex life without a dad and then you have a dad and now he is gone. It is a lot to process when your dad has not been in your life very long but you still had a healthy relationship with him also because of his easy going personality where you say everyone liked him.
Grief is something that happens in stages and not all at one time. You may be fine for days and then have a few bad days. I have been feeling like this and it is bewildering for those people around me who don't understand the relationship of my grief. Some people get stuck in grief and can't move forward.
You would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor to just assist you in the journey of your grief so that you will be able to feel in a more comfortable place with your grief. Crying happens in stages at different times. You may feel you are getting over it and then the grief swallows you up. This is normal. You will some times not feel like doing anything, going anywhere, you will feel confused. Your world has changed from the loss of your father. You will feel like a different person as if nothing matters anymore. You will have a fight for survival on those bad days when nothing makes any sense. None of us in grief knows how it will affect us. Some people go mad with grief and need counselling support. My sister was one such person. With the correct support she has survived and is in a happier place and helping others through their grief. She is so positive and supportive. It is each day that we survive that we get a little stronger. But the journey is very painfull for all of us. If you bring up the topic of losing your father again what do you think will happen? It is important for you to express your grief and feelings. You can't bottle this up, but if you express this to someone who can't handle this it will cause you more pain. Choose a grief counsellor for your support. You just may go on to help and support your mother. This will help you Heal from your loss.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!