Lost my dad on January 22, 2013
(Delta, Surrey, Canada)
I'm having a difficult time forgiving myself and the guilt of not being there for my dad at his time of passing. My dad, had 25% heart function, with diabeties complications, with no hope of recovering. Was advised to go hospice, but dad insisted on having his dialysis continued, as to prolong his life, we watched him in pain (feet gangrene, bed sores, etc. and discomfort). It is very painful to watch dad in that state, a totally different man than we knew. He was sociable, with great sense of humor, always cracking jokes and to watch him drifting away with sleep and almost no communication, is too painful. He had fluid in the chest, and we couldn't make out what he was saying, further frustrated him. I was always there with him for breakfast and lunch, for over 2 months (except for 2 days). The day he died, I was there at 10:15 am and stayed till 12:30 pm for his lunch (he hardly ate). That evening, I called my mom to get update on dad, and was informed that noone from the family could make a visit that evening, and thinking I'll see him in the morning, went to bed. Got a call at 2:15 am, that dad passed away at 1:00 am. I'm feeling so guilty that I should have make a visit that evening, spend last moments with him, could probably would have help him in his transition. It's been 4 days, and I wake up in the middle of nights, crying and feeling so guilty and can't forgive myself, wished I could have heard or said to him.. oh, it is so hard...