Lost my dad on January 22, 2013

by Lak
(Delta, Surrey, Canada)

I'm having a difficult time forgiving myself and the guilt of not being there for my dad at his time of passing. My dad, had 25% heart function, with diabeties complications, with no hope of recovering. Was advised to go hospice, but dad insisted on having his dialysis continued, as to prolong his life, we watched him in pain (feet gangrene, bed sores, etc. and discomfort). It is very painful to watch dad in that state, a totally different man than we knew. He was sociable, with great sense of humor, always cracking jokes and to watch him drifting away with sleep and almost no communication, is too painful. He had fluid in the chest, and we couldn't make out what he was saying, further frustrated him. I was always there with him for breakfast and lunch, for over 2 months (except for 2 days). The day he died, I was there at 10:15 am and stayed till 12:30 pm for his lunch (he hardly ate). That evening, I called my mom to get update on dad, and was informed that noone from the family could make a visit that evening, and thinking I'll see him in the morning, went to bed. Got a call at 2:15 am, that dad passed away at 1:00 am. I'm feeling so guilty that I should have make a visit that evening, spend last moments with him, could probably would have help him in his transition. It's been 4 days, and I wake up in the middle of nights, crying and feeling so guilty and can't forgive myself, wished I could have heard or said to him.. oh, it is so hard...

Comments for Lost my dad on January 22, 2013

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Feb 04, 2013
Resting in peace
by: Kevin m

My father passed away exactly a year ago today although ill say he's been gone since July 2009 because he suffered severe head trauma which in all the doctors called my dad a vegetable and as much as it hurt to hear it it was reality but my mom and I and our family didn't lose hope so for the course of the next 2 years and a half we were with my dad in and out of the hospital for many complications whether it was him not getting enough oxygen or him have how own mental break downs causing him to get very uncomfortable none the less it was a very tiring experience and even though we went through a lot I still felt like it wasn't enough I miss my dad and will never forget him just never got to ask him why did he have to go to work that day that he didn't feel good was it because u didn't want ur grand daughter to be in the same situation I was when I was young when u couldn't afford 1 dollar fr an ice cream for me or because u just wanted to not call out I will never know but to make it much worse my dad passed away while I was away with my little brother whose birthday is as the same time u passed I will never get these answers but I do know now that my dad isn't suffering because I don't see his facial expressions and never will again buy seeing him lay restless in bed is the hardest part of not giving up

Jan 30, 2013
trying to cope
by: Anonymous

My father passed away January 7th, 2013. It was very unexpected and he was only 57. We didn't get along the last few months of his life and I'm having quite a few regrets. I wish now I didn't hold my anger with him and just loved him and forgave him. We didn't spend any time together for Christmas 2012. All I had to do was pick up the phone and call him. But I chose not to...believing I would try to work things out with him after the new year starts. Now it's too late and I've learned a very difficult lesson. If you've had an argument or a fight with a loved one, let it go and forgive as soon as possible. You just never know when you will never see them again.

Jan 28, 2013
stay strong
by: Anonymous

im so sorry for your loss, I lost my father june 10, 2012 and
I just wanted to say that sometimes people have a hard time leaving their loved ones to go to the side and so please dont feel bad and hold onto the guilt, it probably happened the exact way he wanted it to:) Your story really touched me and this is the first time I have ever commented. I just would never want anyone to grieve and hold onto guilt as I did and still battle with, as well self medicating and not even knowing why im doing it, but anyway I think its great that you are writing on here and opening up, and thank you for sharing your story.

Jan 27, 2013
My father passed away
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad on January 19. I got there 20 minutes after he died. I didn't see him for 4 weeks before that because I had to have surgery on Dec.24. I am still in shock and denial. But he wanted to go and be with Jesus and I know he is free of pain and torment. If I wished him back here, it would be selfish. He is so happy now.

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