Lost my Daniel July 2011 and now his wife Sarah 10 months later

by Cheryl

Dan & Sarah at the beach WA

Dan & Sarah at the beach WA

I have already posted 2 stories previously - the first in 2011 when my first born son, Daniel, died suddenly at 44 years of age from heart failure. He was caring for his wife who had metastatic cancer. I took over his role as her carer. My second story was when my grief became overwhelming knowing his wife Sarah was also facing death.
This is my third and final story.
How can I tell you how hard it was to try and deal with the grief of losing my precious son, and yet have to see my beloved daughter-in-law Sarah experience her own grief at losing her beloved husband? Both of us were hurting so much and yet knowing there was more grief to come. I cared for Sarah for another 10 months after Daniel's death until she herself succumbed to cancer in June 2012. She was 46. No-one will ever know what she & I went through. I have never been able to tell my family of those long lonely days when I went to the other side of Australia 3000kms away to live and care for Sarah. I was isolated, no support, and raw with Daniel's death. Living in his house with all his stuff around made it so much harder to bear. Sarah was an absolute saint, she never complained and was so brave that it broke my heart. There were days spent in the hospital while Sarah had chemo. Days spent at home caring for Sarah when the chemo stopped working. Days spent watching her grow weaker and weaker. The day she died at home, there was only myself and a visiting hospice nurse with her. The nurse left after an hour and I was left all alone with her, in a big empty house that used to hold them both. My heart felt as empty as that house. Now my empty heart fills up with grief, and overflows from my eyes in tears. The house is gone, sold to new owners. Sarah's ashes are gone - back to her family in England. Danny's ashes (with some of Sarah's mixed in) are here with me, next to my mother's ashes. Will I ever scatter them? Who knows. I just cling onto them as the last remaining link to them both.
Sometimes I miss them so much it's overwhelming and I just cry. I just had to tell Danny and Sarah's final chapter and to say to all the other parents who have lost their adult child, that my heart feels for you all. Goodnight and goodbye. From Cheryl xx

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Feb 26, 2013
Lost my Daniel July 2011 and now his wife Sarah 10 months later.
by: Doreen U.K.

Cheryl I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved son Daniel and then Sarah later from cancer. This is such a heavy and painful battle for you that is on going for some time. I too lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago to lung cancer caused by working with Asbestos. A cancer which was inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. Steve was seriously ill for the whole 3yrs.39days I nursed him till his death on 5th May 2012. The cancer journey was hard and lonely and fraught with great stress from the medical profession where resources were low and Steve couldn't even get an injection for the pain from the cancer. How my heart aches remembering those days which is all I have. It was so traumatic a time from all that went wrong. Chemo caused blood clots, daily injections, shingles in the eye, heart attack, pneumonia. and all the side effects from the medication. I am happy Steve is out of pain. But I wish I didn't have to do this cancer journey as it is the most painful experience ever. To lose an Adult Child is just horrendous. My son is 44yrs. daughter 41yrs today and a daughter of 32yrs. and so they live their own lives. But I feel very vulnerable that I may lose one of my children. A pain I couldn't bear and would send me over the edge. Cheryl thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss. Keep in touch and let us know that you are doing well. I hope God will comfort you in your sorrow and grief and that life will get better for you in time. Best wishes.

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