Lost my dear mother

by Cindy

I lost my beloved mother January 24, 2014. I took care of her the last two weeks of her life. I laid in bed with her, I slept on the floor beside her bed, I sat in a chair and laid my head by her feet, I cried for over 2 weeks non stop, while I cared for her. I feel selfish that in the middle of the night I laid my head on her chest and sobbed, who comforted who? For the first week I could feel her presence with me which was such a comfort, and then wham!! The grief overtook my life, most days I feel sick because my heart is so heavy. I lost 15lbs. I remember she didn't eat for 9 days, I feel every ounce of pain she experienced in her life. I can nearly handle swinging my feet to the side if the bed to stand and get up in the morning. When does this get any better? I feel paralyzed with grief. I sought counseling, talked with a priest and I still cannot find an ounce of comfort. I know she would want me to be happy, but without her I don't know how!

Comments for Lost my dear mother

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Mar 13, 2014
My heart goes out to you
by: Bereaved daughter

Dear friend, Thank you for your kind response,
it is good we do not feel alone.

Our mothers were kind, giving individuals and
certainly did not deserve the awful treatment
that they received.

I do hope it is a comfort to you that I, and
perhaps others on this site understand. My darling mother brought us up on her salary, (three
jobs) I have a sister in law who disrespected my
darling. But if it was not for my mother's constant work, there is no way this woman and
her children would have such a high standard of living. A nephew admitted how he neglected his
grandmother, but without her he would not have
gone to a private school.

There seems no justice, that those who contributed
so much, have been treated so shabbily.

Please remember, and take comfort from the fact
you were there for your mother. We cannot be
responsible for others, much as their actions bring us pain.

Kindest wishes for your happiness, hope it gets better soonX

Mar 11, 2014
Bereaved daughter
by: Anonymous

Oh my god. Your words rang out so strong! The pain I have been caring ( every painful thing that happened in her life) was due to insensitive family members that treated my beloved mother worst than words could ever describe. She was so loving, a wonderful grandmother who took care of her grandchildren, children, and worked 2 jobs, tried to keep a roof over our heads, and food on the table. Was treated so poorly, I fought to keep her out of a home , she was so frightened, I got guardianship of her, and basically hid her out with me at the end. One family member wouldn't even touch her, another wouldn't take time from their schedule to come and see her! She loved her children unconditionally witheverything she had! And still no respect, or true love shown in return. She always went without, only to give to her children, and grandchildren. She was yelled at, degraded. All of those hurts to her I feel.And it's unbearable.

Mar 11, 2014
by: Bereaved Daughter

Dear Friend,
I would like to thank you for your appreciation
to the responses.

Giving others hope is not always easy when you
are in the throws of grief and trying to
adjust without the one person who really made
your life worthwhile.

I wrote my response to you, through tears. The result of a family
rift caused through how disrespectful others
were to my mum in the years she was particularly

So your thoughtfulness was appreciated.

With every good wish for your futureX

Mar 10, 2014
Lost my dear mother
by: Anonymous

Lost my dear mother, to all of you who took the time to share your stories with me I can only say GOD BLESS you! I feel so fortunate at this time that you all took your time to share with me your "heart break", with a total stranger. I too find it difficult when even family members say "well she is in a better place". I believe that this is probably true, but she so wanted to stay in this world, and was frightened to die, even though I comforted her every second. Then friends and family abandon you, they no longer want to talk about your loss! I understand we have to move on, but what a chore when you can hardly put one foot in front of the other during your waking moments. I am so sorry for all of you who posted your loss, my heart goes out to each and everyone of you. I wonder if I would be that strong to endure what most of you have, and I use the word "strong" loosely. Because I know you feel helpless, as I do! Thank you for caring...

Mar 10, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

What you are feeling is so completely normal, losing a beloved cherished mother is so overwhelming in its sadness that you feel you will never recover but, every symptom you are experiencing has been felt by us all on this web site who are also bereft at losing someone so very precious to them.
You have been such a wonderful daughter and it is such early days for you and I will repeat what I always say which is to CRY,CRY,and CRY ,its nature’s way of easing your grief and allowing your body to recover, go easy, don’t push yourself and take one day at a time, you are in shock and must allow yourself time to recover...
Wherever she is she must be so incredibly proud of you for the way you looked after her at the end of her life.
She would hate it to see how you are suffering.
What I can say though is that the pain and anguish will ease as the weeks and months pass, you can only grieve for so long before realization dawns that she really has gone, you will find this terrible agonizing ordeal is nearly over and you will start to live life again, although it will never be quite the same.
We have all been through it, no more long phone calls or a shoulder to cry on.
We all lose our parents sooner or later; it’s called the circle of life and there is no way of escaping it and it’s how it should be.
I was standing in your shoes a year ago when I lost a very precious wife after being together for nearly seventy years I was distraught and didn’t want to live without her, and yet, here I am offering you comfort and scour, just to show you will recover, it just takes time.
With Deepest Sympathy

Mar 10, 2014
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

It takes everything I have to do the simplest things in life I to have lost 18 pounds. The only time I eat is when my daughter forces me to. Every time I cry when I'm in the living room my 3 year old comes to me imaditially climes on my lap hugs me and tells me it will be ok

Mar 09, 2014
me too
by: Anonymous

Tears are rolling down my face as I read your post. I too feel this is a living **ll of looses...I took care of my mother as she went suffered the pains of **ll....just two short years ago....My father before her and my cousin before him who was like the sister I never had.......now two short years later my precious aunt who I lived with and had made it my mission to look after and not put in a nursing home...a decision that was supported by her children...she was my second mother....being 18 years older than my mother my aunt raised my mother my aunts house our family home....home away from home for all of us...a home she lived in for 60 years....now we have started the emotional task of cleaning out her home just as we cleaned out my parents home less than two years ago. I so feel your pain because that's all I have been dealing with the last few years of my life. I an only child unmarried no children now the most significant people in my life all gone.....what i would do to have them back....when my mother died two years ago i made one of my deals with God well now you won't also take my aunt she is all I have left....well she was taken too just three months ago.....the last few years have led me to antidepressants, anti anxiety medication counseling......you name it....yes I go to work each day and hide my pain from the world who would never understand my living **ll....this is my existence maybe I am being punished for something....i always tried to be a good person I just don't understand it.....I was a caregiver for so many years i did it with my entire heart with love to me it was an honor not a chore....my precious aunt why her too....not long ago a so called friend said you must be relieved....I wanted to scream at them this is not relief when you do it with love.....please try hard each day to not end up in the state I am in......never feel like you are alone in this because you are not feelings are real......

Mar 09, 2014
We're On The Same Boat
by: Anonymous

When I read your post I felt like you took the words right out of my mouth. I also took care of my mom before she died last January 15, 2014. I'm also experiencing a lot of difficulties lately but I know all of these will soon pass away. For now I cry myself to sleep at night hoping that this is just a very very bad dream and when I wake up my mom will still be in her room waiting for me to have breakfast in bed...

Mar 09, 2014
I understand
by: Bereaved daugher

Dear friend, I lost my darling mother recently too.

Yes, we feel shock, disbelief, and awful grief.

This is the price we pay for this awful loss.

Please take comfort you were there when your
mother was ill. It was distressing to witness
but you were by her side - she would have been
so grateful for your presence.

I too found it difficult to get through the lonely days. We are carrying on knowing this
is what our best friends would wish - I wish
you increased ease and comfort from your cherished memories.

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