Lost my father a week ago
My father will forever be my hero.Whatever I am today was because of him & his sacrifices, his belief in me even though the rest of the world sometimes didnt stand by me, he would always be there. His smile, his wisdom, his affection would give me strength. He was diagnosed with colon cancer in May 2013, few months of surgery & chemotherapy etc but the cancer recurred with the doctor giving him only 6 months time to live!. I remember getting this bit of news from the docs. In a way I do not know where I got the strength to deal with this but I did.
Today when he is gone, I cannot express in words how I feel.He suffered a lot in the past couple of months leading to his death. And I know that in a way he was relieved of his suffering & pain coz he was always such a vibrant, jovial and ever energetic man. He never wanted to see himself crippled like that on the bed, having to see his own life wither away. I know many times when I would see him suffer that way that I prayed to God to take him away so that he would get some peace. But it's only now that I realise losing him is going to be the most difficult thing ever.I am going about my life as usual, but I cry a lot when I am alone, I miss him terribly.. Sometimes I get these pangs,wanting to see him again, to speak to him again, to hear his voice.I keep reading our messages to each other, watching his videos, his photographs wondering if he is listening. He always told me that he would be there even after he goes... I was fortunate that I also got to spend a lot of time with him, holding his hand, telling him that I loved him. On one of those days, weeks before his death he called me home & said " this is the end" and told me that he also saw a very vivid image of me..I knew too that his time was running out.... I often wonder if my dad hears me now, if he sees me now.. Has anyone ever gotten a sign from their loved ones who have departed..I am still waiting for mine. I dont know why it isnt there..or maybe it is but I am not able to see it. I want to believe he is in heaven & is happy & peaceful, he knew always how much I loved him. sometimes it feels unreal that he is not there anymore & sometimes when the truth hits me I feel shattered. But I know he would have wanted me to continue leading my life & be happy. He left being assured that we would take care of ourselves. I just have to respect that & I know the more depressed I become, his soul will not get peace..I just hope as the years pass by, I become stronger. I know I shall remember him every day ..every single day till the day I meet him in heaven again!