Lost my father today

My mom passed away 8 years ago from cancer. I buried my father yesterday who was my best friend. I am having a very hard time because I haven't seen him in 3 years and I found out he was saving to move next to me. We talked every day. He didn't want to die. He fought all the way to the end. His kidneys and liver stopped working. He went in with stomach pains and died 3 weeks later. I came home and saw he was living in poor conditions and I have large amounts of guilt because I should of done something. I use to lie to my father and borry money to feed a gambling habit that I had. Now I was just getting to a point in my life where I could repay him and spend time with him and he's gone. I have been strong but I think I am in shock. I want to call him and just see how' he's doing but he's not here anymore and I feel alone. I am 39 and married with a son but I just have a heavy and guilty heart for the things I did to him in he past. He was the greatest man I every met. He would give everyone his last penny to help.
I just don't know what to do now

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Mar 09, 2013
Lost my father yesterday
by: Trish

I lost my father yesterday, he was in his nineties and had been sick for a short time. Don't beat yourself up too much with guilt as none of us is perfect and I think the "guilt trip" stuff is part of the grieving process. Even if you had done everything just right you might have found something to blame yourself for because that's part of the human condition. I think I did fairly well with my dad and yet I am still feeling the guilt for some stuff but realize I am being kind of hard on myself. Hang in there, you and I have plenty of company as most of us have to mourn our parents at some point in our lives. It is natural and part of life.

Mar 05, 2013
Lost my father today
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your father. You have taken the first step by unlocking this burden of guilt by admitting you had a gambling habit and lied to get money for this. YOU DID IT. YOU OWNED UP TO IT. This is Honest and brave of you. Now you have to realise your father is not hurt by this. He didn't know. If he had known what he gave you the money for would he have given it to you? Perhaps not. Which is why you are feeling guilty because you felt you deceived him. We all go to God when we need to Repent for things we have done wrong. Then God Forgives us and puts up a sign which says NO FISHING. Which Means God has forgiven us for our sin's. He then never brings this up again. Only we as humans do. If God can forgive us. We have to find a way to forgive ourselves for our sins and shortcomings. I am sure your father would have forgiven you. You are a parent and would have enough love to forgive your child if he did wrong. Oh! you would explain things to him. But you would forgive him. FREE yourself of this guilt. It serves no purpose. It will just stop you moving forward with your life and being productive. You have a child now and owe it to have a free mind to be the kind of mom you want to be. We fail each other all the time in life. It is called being HUMAN. I am sorry for your loss of your Mom some years ago and now your Dad. I hope you have more family and friends to walk with you through your grief and support you. Be Happy. Enjoy your life and in time things will get better from grief.

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