Lost my grandchild, brother and step daughter
(Downingtown, PA, USA)
About 18 months ago my daughter went in premature labor, 6 1/2 months along. She is in a wheelchair and has high blood pressure, shunts in her head and renal disease, so I was concerned for her life throughout the pregnancy. Jenny Lynn was born at the hospital right before our 4 hour drive to the hospital began. We kept getting calls from the hospital asking how far away we were, as Jenny Lynn wasn't going to make it and my daughter and her boyfriend wanted to make sure we would get there before she passed away.
We finally arrived at the hospital and a nurse was waiting in the parking lot doorway for us. We ran through the corridors knowing we were running to say goodbye. Finally we met our beautiful baby granddaughter, who was being held by my daughter. She had a button nose, blondish red hair and teeny tiny fingers and toes. She passed away within 20 minutes of our arrival. My heart broke apart, especially holding my sobbing daughter.
Then a few months later my mentally challenged brother had spinal stenosis surgery. Boomer was 50 years old, 3 years older than I, but mentally only about 3 or 4. He could only verbalize a few words but always had extremely expressive eyes and his laughter was contagious. He was more like a child to me than a brother, as I was his guardian.
About 2-3 weeks after the surgery he fell and ended up in ICU. For 6 months he kept getting weaker and weaker, sicker and sicker. He was suffering constantly and was moved from hospital to hospital and finally to a nursing home. I got the call last October 2009 that he had died at 3 PM, the day and time I was supposed to visit. I didn't go as I had a bad cold. My heart was broken again. He was buried on his 51st birthday.
Then May 2010, I had forgotten to check my voicemail for about a week. I was already in bed but something told me to go check my messages. It was then I learned my 27 year old step daughter Jackie had passed away. It was sudden and completely unexpected. She always had various illnesses, but nothing we considered life threatening. My husband was at work so I had to call him and ask him to come home immediately. I'd tell him the news when he got home as I didn't want to risk a car accident. Two months later and we still do not know what actually caused her death.
I feel so empty now, and can't tell if my heart is aching more over Jenny Lynn, Boomer, Jackie or all three. I consider myself lucky when I get through my work day and make the train ride home. I do have good days, but the pain is constant. I wake up wondering what terrible news might await me today. Will I ever feel normal again?