lost my Husband after Frontal Lobe Brain Cancer surgery he just never was the same he wanted to destroy me!
This is very difficult to write,
I am a wife, my husbands personality started changing during our marriage due to his Frontal lobe brain tumour/Cancer. He could not keep a job and lost many ,he told strange super hero tales and bizarre victim stories to me and our friends. He was blacking out and having seizures then we found out his diagnosis… everything finally made sense ! The episodes he had prior to surgery were short lived he would call people and say inappropriate things … I was always able to calm him down and bring him back to reality. This is why Dr. F would not let him work as he said he would do things to jeopardize his reputation. Unfortunately, it was my reputation he was ruining .
I have love letters from him, up until the day he walked out of my life in a psychotic episode. I believe what he thinks in his mind is real to him and his Father has manipulated him against me. He would tell me His Father was always concerned about his money and Lawrence would tell me he wished his Father would stop calling. Lawrence never liked his Father or so he told me of extreme abuse he experienced from him.
The Surgeon in town did not want to operate but my Husband pushed for Surgery and found a Surgeon in Calgary to do it. They only got out about 70% of the tumour out and the part they got was calcified and had to have been there for a long time.
Nothing prepared me for how he became after surgery : very Paranoid, aggressive, inappropriate and violent toward me. I was the one who was with him every step of the journey.I would ask his family to help me but Lawrence would tell them a different story blaming me.No one would help me…. I tried to get his Son to help me but Lawrence told him Cancer Care and his Lawyer were involved and he needs to stay out of it…I was exhausted from lack of sleep and worry. He accused me of having men come into our bedroom and constantly made me defend myself. He would rant at me accusing me of saying things I did not say. He would see something on Television and thing it really happened and blame me for doing things.
We did have a blog and the last post was April 29th.(a week before he walked out of my life for good ) He did love me and he adored me right up to the surgery. I will never forget our private moments before surgery he begged God to keep him with me …I treasure those moments in my heart.
Before surgery , we went to church and prayed together in the morning and I prayed over him every night we sought counsel from our Pastor . I begged Doctors to give us supports
I suffered greatly during this time trying to help my Husband but his mind could not register my efforts and he became paranoid of me. Dr. F tried to help us but he would not let him speak to me any more. I followed Dr. F directions and then my Husband cut me out of his healthcare even though I had power of Attorney and health care Directive . Dr. F and the others could no longer talk to me. I was left out completely!
My Husband would constantly call people to come rescue him and two weeks after brain surgery a Social worker upon hearing one of his victim stories at Cancer care told him to go to a lawyer and protect himself and this is where it all started. This Social worker is the same one whom told me when I asked her for help, that I would probably get a divorce as it would be to difficult to handle. At first, He did not want a divorce only to get the money out of our marriage and force me to sell our home. He gave me this choice ! Before surgery ,he told me he was completely satisfied with our life then reaffirmed this again when he came to his senses just a week before he left me for good.
My Husband was never the same when we came back from Calgary after the surgery. His Family were never close to him during our marriage including his children. From what his son told me his Dad was behaving schizophrenic and that even his Mother told him before she died that something was wrong with him. He and his Daughter had problems long before I came into their life she was always beating on him and he was always yelling at her. I did my best to help them so did my kids and Family …He now blames me for this but I did everything I could even begging his children to spend time with him. He told me his Father from Victoria B.C. made everything about his money and told my husband to divorce me even told him if he did not… he would never speak to him again.
My Husband adored me we had a magical relationship until he started showing signs of his illness ,He would either be the biggest victim wanting to be rescued or a Super Hero saving the world. One day, my story will be told but not now as my prayers are for his health . What I endured no one should have to face in a lifetime. The attack to my character in so many hurtful ways along with my complete heartbreak was devastating. He also walked away from all our friends and my family he was close with. I ,and others wrote letters to his Doctors for help… I even tried to get the Health Minister to help. He had his family speak against me based on his invented stories. He reinvented himself to new Doctors and social workers as a victim . He is very intelligent and highly manipulative. I also blame his Father for his involvement in pushing me out of his life. I was forced to get a Lawyer but tried to get my husband help but it was impossible as He could pull it together . We are now going to be divorced and I have accepted it . I prayed a million prayers for my Husband to come to his senses and remember our life.
The privacy act separating husband and wife two weeks after Brian surgery is just wrong. He did his will (we had planned trust funds for children and told them of this)and Power of Attorney/ Healthcare directive weeks before surgery. His Lawyer took power of Attorney away from me a couple weeks after surgery even after I wrote to her letters asking her to ethically reconsider what she is doing he just had brain surgery, is wrong.
Giving POA to his brother,who my Husband told his Doctor his Brother is crazy and cannot get information on his care, is wrong. Then my Husband came to his senses late April and changed POA back to me apologized to everyone told his Family it was his disease making him hurt me the woman he loves . POA went back and forth and no one questioned this!
The day before he walked out of my life for good May 8th: He met with our children to apologize for what he did to me. We met with our Pastor and my Husband told him he was so sorry to have hurt me so badly. He cried to me begging me to help him.
Then on May 9th, we had a dinner date planned for that evening… he had a psychotic episode in the morning, raged violently at me and then switch up instantly crying like a baby calling back his Lawyer saying he was scared and next thing I knew I heard he was in a mens shelter.
From there he invented himself as an abused husband. I believe the social worker from cancer care is responsible for this. He said I controlled him that he never had money or could not do anything …He told people I stole his money and I was violent and would not let him have friends or Family even that I alienated his children. He wanted to destroy me and only by the grace of God did I survive this.
I loved him and endured so much until he just walked out of my life and made me spend now over $50,0000. on legal fees . I did not work during our marriage and he walked away taking all the income and kicked me off his healthcare. I had to go into my assets to live and pay all the bills and take care of our huge property by myself. I went down to 93 pounds…
No one would help me, the Social worker at Cancer care black balled me according to his story. She never once tried talking to me or us together even though I wrote many letters asking for help. He used his Family to verify his stories when they were not in our life . He was able to manipulate everyone. He would send out emails apologizing to everyone then later tell his Family I went into his email and wrote and sent the letter. He told his children I was trying to take all the money from them and that I said bad things about his deceased wife. This devastated me.
When we first dated and came together He told me and everyone that He and his previous wife were getting divorced before she got sick and died because she was violent and he was a victim that she took all his money (now almost the same story he is saying about me) . I often wonder about this!
The good news is I have not heard anything bad he is saying about me in the last few months and I do not want to stir the pot. He also seems to be living a normal life from what I hear.
I loved my husband more than life and he adored me until this horrible disease changed the man and I could not stop it . It is such a tragedy that no one in the medical field would help me and the amount of suffering I endured should never happen to anyone. I could not even hear how he is doing as no one was allowed to talk to me. His Family completely turned against me yet I have letters up until after the surgery thanking me saying how good a job I did taking care of my Husband.
I apologize for the condensed version and how overwhelming a story it is, it is still very hard for me to tell.
Our Divorce is being filed and it is not my doing...