Lost my husband on June 30, 2009, it feels like yesterday

by Helen
(Everett, WA)

I lost my husband June 30, 2009, and it still feels like yesterday. Sometimes I think I feel him around me, but then I wonder if I am going crazy or do I just want to believe that he is really watching over me. He was always so good with computers (programing) and helped me out a lot. My boss asked me to design/program a database for him, and I did, I want to believe that my husband was helping me with this assignment, I was never that good in programing but the database came out beautifully. I don’t know if it was sink or swim, or did he really watch over me.

My husband also went to the doctor too late, and I feel so guilty about it. I feel that I should have taken better care of him, I should have made him go to the doctor regularly.

I guess I am at a different stage of the grieving process, because I am still trying under understand “there is a reason for everything” deal. I still very consumed with guilt.

Helen

Comments for Lost my husband on June 30, 2009, it feels like yesterday

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May 19, 2010
Your words say what I am feeling
by: Jenny

I am so sorry for your loss. I am feeling some of the same. I lost my husband four months ago to suicide. I blame myself for not being able to prevent this. At first I was going through the motions. Now I am going through some very intense emotions. I feel him, I can't believe this is it. The pain is unbearable. It doesn't seem like it will ever get better. I don't know what to say to give you comfort, just know that you are not alone.

May 17, 2010
Helen
by: Anonymous

Please, do not feel guilt for what he did and did not do. I know that my husband refused to go to the Dr. for many years. The sinus headaches, then B.P headaches ended up being an aneurysm. All my nagging in the world did not get him to go to the Dr's.

On the other note may I admit that while watching a storm the other night and sobbing I could feel his presence sitting right behind me on that picnic bench, comforting me. I suppose that's what guardian angels are, People we loved and loved us back. HH

May 17, 2010
For Helen
by: Mari

Hi Helen. I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. My prayers are with you at this difficult time. My husband passed away on June 22 altho I made a mistake on a page and said May.
The way I cope is to keep trusting in the Lord. It is difficult, but time is a great healer.
I stay very busy as you are doing and that helps a lot.

I want to tell you that it is not your fault that your husband refused to go to the doctor. My husband flatly refused to go to the doctor until I became very angry with him. I had worried about him and it made it hard to function at work. I told him it was not fair to make me worry endlessly.

He went and had a checkup and believe me he had everything you could think of. He had congestive heart failure for one thing and had a heart attack shortly after that and ended up in ER. I was at work there, the hosp so I could be with him. He lived a week after being transferred to the heart hospital where he had stents put in his heart.

All we can do is stay close to the Lord. I am really not sure that he would have made it anyway as he sure had a lot going on. But I am sorry I had to become angry and make him go to the doctor. So I know how it feels when you know someone is very sick and refuses treatment. You might ask God to lift that burden of guilt from you.

This is a great board with caring people. Take care of yourself and keep posting whatever is on your mind and heart. People do care what you are feeling. You need time to grieve. Your husband is safe with the Lord now.

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