lost my lifemate

by William Kounter
(San Antonio, TX)

Linda Wood   9/28/52 to 4/20/13

Linda Wood 9/28/52 to 4/20/13

As far as I am concerned, Linda and I have been married 33+ years. We consider our marriage to have begun December 15, 1979, the day we first met. We've definitely been soulmates.

Despite numerous medical issues, she's been relatively healthy and happy. But on April 20 this year, I woke up with my alarm clock and got up to take my morning pills. But then I realized my wife was sleeping too quietly. She normally snores and/or talks in her sleep, so I tried to wake her up.

I quickly panicked and called 911, knowing what they would tell me, but wanting to hear something else. Apparently she died about two hours earlier.

Needless to say, I've completely fallen apart. I don't get much sleep; I cry a lot; I scream a lot. I don't know what to do with myself. As I write this, I am sitting less than 5 feet from my wife's remains in a nice red wood urn box.

Comments for lost my lifemate

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Sep 28, 2014
lost my lifemate
by: william kounter

I've been doing a lot better, but still have my ups and downs.

Today would have been my wife Linda's 62nd birthday. At least I'm not falling apart anymore. But it has been a generally depressing day.

I'm not even sure why I am writing this. Just felt like doing something.

Jan 06, 2014
lost without my love/life
by: William Kounter

It's been almost nine months now since my wife Linda died. September 28, which would have been her 61st birthday, was extremely hard on me.

Thanksgiving was especially hard, too, as was our anniversary, Christmas, and New Year's. At least I do have a lot more good days now. Just in the last couple of months I have, on occasion, been able to laugh.

But I still have to make myself go out, even just to the store. I spend a lot of time online.

I miss Linda terribly.

Oct 10, 2013
lost my soulmate
by: William Kounter

I'm still falling apart. I can't believe that it's been almost six months now (eight more days). I have some better days now, but the end of September was really bad. September 28 would have been Linda's 61st birthday.

It still hurts so much.

May 29, 2013
lost my lifemate
by: William Kounter

The pain feels like it will never end. But I want to thank everybody in the few days I've been here for their support and sympathy. It is very comforting, considering even our close friends that contacted me or visited daily have pretty much disappeared. As a matter of fact, the friend that now contacts me the most is only by phone because she lives out of state. The ones that live in San Antonio,...

May 25, 2013
by: tracey

i lost my husband just 6 months one week ago it hurts so much it takes my breath away .the phone calls have stopped, the vists no -more i get up go to work everyday have to wear a mask as i work with children , no one really understands how much im hurting inside , i have two grown up children an a grandaughter if it wasnt for them ...well i dont know , not sure if i can go through the rest of my life without him here he passed suddenly november 17th been with him since i was 19 years old am now 47 i dont know any differnt he was my soulmate

May 25, 2013
Your Grief
by: Lawrence

Strangely enough I can’t get you out of my mind and the terrible anguish and pain you are suffering has made me relive my own nightmare five months ago when my beloved sweetheart died.
Perhaps you are surprised that people in their 80’s can still feel the exquisite love we had for each other but from the moment I first set eyes on her at fourteen years old to the time I closed her eyes and kissed her gently goodbye on her deathbed we were passionate lovers and friends and I hope we still are wherever she is.
So take heart William, the love you felt for each other is a miracle in itself so few people are lucky enough to experience it, so do as I do, count your blessings and relive the wonderful memories you shared.
At present my words will do nothing to ease your pain and are little comfort BUT and this is a big BUT as the days go by you will find the pain easing slightly, we both know our lives will never be the same again without the woman we loved more than life itself, but nothing is forever.

May 25, 2013
lost my lifemate
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear William,
On Monday, which is Memorial Day, it will be 23 months since my husbands death, from a massive heart attack. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniersary. He was a part of my life since I was 15 years old.
Our life is forever changed. We all are strong; alot stronger than we realize. I felt a part of me died, when he died; still feel that way. In the early days, I cried everyday. Twenty three months later, tears still appear; but that awful gut wrenching pain is gone. People say things get easier and better. For me, I don't think that really happens. I have accepted his death, don't like being his widow; but that is what I am. I will always love him and cherish his memory. Whenever I do things, I tell him we are experiencing it together, for I will always carry him in my heart.
A friend sent me this inspirational quote after my husbands death. I printed it and have it in a frame next to his picture. "WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES; YOU NEVER QUITE GET OVER IT, YOU JUST SLOWLY LEARN HOW TO GO ON WITHOUT THEM, BUT ALWAYS KEEPING THEM TUCKED SAFELY IN YOUR HEART.
You also spent a lifetime with your wife. Going on without her is going to be hard. I still remember that gut wrenching pain, heaviness in my heart, my whole body aching for him, the sleeplessness, the emptiness and feeling all alone; yet I have so much support from our 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. When I would get really depressed, they would tell me; "we know you lost dad, but we also lost him." They don't have a clue to about feeling our loss. Both of my parents are gone, but the pain of their loss is SO DIFFERENT.
Keep coming to this site. I still am on it everyday, after almost 2 years. We all share your pain and truly understand.
For me, my faith has helped carry me through, or maybe I should say, God has carried me, when I was too weak to make it on my own. I still ask my God to show me the way.
I often said I was "faking it until I could make it". I look fine on the outside, but I am still crying on the inside. No one knows my pain, un less they too have experienced it. All of us on this site truly understands.
I still talk to my husband everyday; telling him I love him and miss him. I miss everything about him. What I miss most are the small things, we all take for granted, until we no longer have them.

May 25, 2013
hang on
by: Luke

William so sorry for your loss of Linda.
I'm 17 months on from where you are now in my grief.
The only thing that helped me was coming here and reading other peoples stories. To know your not "alone" in your grief. We are all here too.
What helped was reading from people who were also experiencing this most horrendous thing, "grief".
No one else at this time can help, although there hearts are in the right place.
So hang on and believe things will slowly get a little easier. They truly do, and I know you don't believe that know. I was right where you are too, where you are now. I call it "the dark place".
People like Doreen and Lawrence are here regularly and have helped me tremendously.
I send you love, that's what we all miss and that is all the matters in the end, LOVE.

May 24, 2013
I know your pain
by: Lawrence

Oh! How my heart aches for you and know only too well your terrible grief and devastating pain. We have all on this website been through it and I personally lost my beautiful and cherished wife after being together for nearly seventy years, she died on Christmas day, the turkey was in the oven and we were all getting ready for a lovely dinner but it wasn’t to be, she just died, no warning, she just passed away from a sudden heart attack, so believe me when I tell you I know exactly what you are going through.
It’s something so terrible you feel that you can’t survive, but you do. I wept and berated God for allowing this to happen to such a wonderful wife and mother but a little voice in my head said “why not, it was just her time to go” and that’s the answer. We are given so much time to be on this earth and when that time ends so does your life. Leaving the people who you loved and loved you heartbroken.
It is now five months since my lovely sweetheart died and not a day goes by without me shedding a tear but believe it or not the acute agony does lessen and I know your lack of motivation and exhaustion will go although you just can’t believe it at present. They say “Grief is the price you pay for happiness “but I know that doesn’t help when you are climbing the stairs to an empty bedroom.
Read all the contributions by bereaved partners on this site and know you have people from all over the world weeping and praying for you.

May 24, 2013
lost my lifemate
by: Doreen U.K.

William I am sorry for your loss of your lifemate. You are facing the same grief we all feel when we lose our lifemate. I was with mine of 47yrs. and lost without him. He died 1yr. ago and I feel as if life will be like this forever. If you cry a lot an scream a lot this is healthy grief. It means you will be able to HEAL in time from your grief. Grief is different for all of us but the feelings of loss are the same. That pain is unbearable. It will take a lot of time for you, me, and all of us on this site to find our way out of this sorrow and pain of our loss. May you be comforted in your grief.

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