Lost My Love, My Best Friend, My Support - Five Years Later, The Loneliness is Unbearable

by Denise
(Atlanta, GA, USA)

Five years ago, April 22, 2005, my husband passed away unexpectedly. Two years prior he suffered the same illness, severe asthma, the treatment was the same and he came home. This time, however, he got a staph infection at the hospital and was gone in 13 days. I was devastated, but I was going to experience every feeling. I began journaling the second day he was in the hospital and continued with 'Letters to Him'. I went to a grief counselor, who told me I was doing all of the things she would suggest, to just keep it up. I continued to live in our house, work in the same job, and write letters to him about what I was feeling.

After three years, I awoke one morning with extreme clarity of mind and decided to retire from my job, move to the Atlanta where my daughter lived, and find a job, in my efforts to begin living. I did just that, I remembered all of the 'grief books' that indicated to not make changes too soon. I thought I was ready.

I bought a house in Atlanta, went to China (my daughter accompanied me), moved, then sold the other house. Everything fell into place, I even sold the house for what I wanted; I believed it was God's will. However, my daughter and her family have a life, my friends are located all over the country, they have lives, my son who lived in the town (California) I left is married and has a life.

I had my Mom to talk to whenever things got too tough emotionally, she knew how I felt as she had lost my Dad several years prior. Then she passed away suddenly in September. I feel I have no one. Everyone says you have to get out and make friends. I'm a 'closet introvert' and my husband made me feel safe enough to do the things I've done over the 24 years of our relationship. I do try, but it's not working out.

I've been trying to get a job, but the economy is making it almost impossible. The loneliness is driving me back to the loss. I don't know what else to do. People don't understand, they think that since it's been five years I should be better. I am better, but this is different. I have no one to talk to that understands what I feel. The loneliness is unbearable.

Comments for Lost My Love, My Best Friend, My Support - Five Years Later, The Loneliness is Unbearable

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Jul 17, 2011
I am with you in your grief.
by: Anonymous

My husband died five years ago this month, but it doesn't get any easier. I try my best to be outgoing and reach out and I do have a loving family close by, but they cannot understand. Also, they don't want to know that their mother is feeling like this, I think it frightens them. Their father died twenty years ago, and two years later I met met my second husband. I have been blessed with two wonderful men in my life, and am grateful for the love and support of family and friends, but nothing will fill the void, of waking in the night alone, of never having the comfort of the closeness we had.

God has no answers for us, so we must count our blessings and go on, remembering that we loved and were loved. Something precious that not everyone experiences.

Bless you..

Jul 14, 2010
I know what you feel
by: Anonymous

Denise, I lost my husband 3 years ago. I believe I died that day as well. You are right, the loneliness is awful and people don't understand. I have no words of comfort or wisdom. Just know you are not alone and you are not crazy, just miserable. I believe by God's grace someday we will find peace. Hang in there. Thank you for your message, I was beginning to think I was the only long term griever.

Apr 12, 2010
Lost My Love, My Best Friend, My Support - Five Years Later, The Loneliness is Unbearable
by: David Ramdhari

Hi Denise,
Keep "grieving" any way you can. Ignore what others, especially those who've not been there, say. I lost my "love, wife, best (only) friend" of nearly 36 years just recently and the pain is still raw, especially at night. If you're a Believer, have it out with the Lord! Ask Him why?

I cry anywhere, anytime I'm reminded of Sylvia. Today it was the home voicemail! Then I went to her grave to have some quiet time. I also don't know what to do but try and get through each day best I can. I pray that God comforts and gives you peace of mind.

Mar 10, 2010
Grieving has no time limit
by: Down Under

Denise, my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. There is no time limit of grieving for our loved ones that we have lost. There will always be a void in our hearts and there is nothing wrong with feeling sad and lonely, even after 5 years. I lost my 6yr old niece 13 years ago and I still, to this day, cry every now and again and feel so helpless. My father passed away in Aug 09, I believe this will take even longer to come to grips with, the only thing I can do is take day by day and know that one day we will meet again. Be strong Denise and keep smiling, think of the happy memories and cherish them.

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