Lost my mom, our family dog, my grandma and now my dad in 8 months........

by Jacque
(WA state)

I'm devastated and don't know how to keep going forward in a positive way. I have never experienced grief before like this. My story: my mom would come to town every month to visit us and my aging grandma who was in an assisted living facility. Mom stayed with us and her and I were like best friends. Her plan was to finish her lease and move to our town summer 2014. She came in January 2014 for her usual monthly visit, but caught bronchitis and was very sick with it so she went home a few days early. Then I caught it as well. Moms was already well on her way to recovery.
I had gone to the dr Friday night after work and was very sick. Mom called me Saturday morning / early afternoon to check on me and make sure I was taking care of myself. She said she'd call me back as she got another phone call. This was typical and no worries. I fell asleep on and off and realized quite a bit of time had passed that I hadn't got called back. I tried calling her but no answer......again I'm assuming she may be in bath or something. Pretty soon after multiple calls I start worrying and call stepdad who was right down the street from her. They were separated. He finally got worried himself and walked over.
She had collapsed and he called 911. She had been there awhile. The medics came and took her to one of the best hospitals and I started my journey over there. It's a five hour trip. This was a dark cold February night. By the time I arrived all family was in and she was only being kept alive for me to get there. She had had a massive stroke and was brain dead. I was devastated!!!! My three kids were devastated!!!! Life would not ever be the same without my mom, my best friend.

Mom passed away 2-2-2014

I was the one who had to break the news to grandma. Grandma had a very difficult time accepting this. She had a small form of dementia. Within 3 weeks of moms death grandma had gone in a fast dementia down spin. She was completely unable to care for herself anymore and had to be moved into a nursing facility. I had to do this and my heart was breaking.

From march on grandmas health deteriorated with many small strokes, very bad dementia etc. I was spending 4-5 evenings there feeding and comforting her. She would sometimes remember moms death and cry and scream for her.

My dad lived in the same town as I did and I was close to him....so were my boys. With all that was going on with mom and so busy with grandma I felt like I hadn't gotten to see him as much as I would have liked. August 3 my dad fell off a ladder trying to cut a tree down and he shattered his foot and broke his hip. He had massive surgery. I spent my next week between caring for Gma and visiting him.

We also had a sick dog......during this time she became more ill and had to be put down. This was very hard and hard to see the pain my kids felt with it too.

Dad was having many complications after surgery with his heart and then lungs. He developed ARDS and never got out of the hospital. 17 days ago he was put on a ventilator.
Then a week after that grandma passed away. On august 31 2014

My dad's kidneys failed and he was now on dialysis.

Dad passed away 9-9-2014

I have my dad's funeral on the 17th and grandmas on the 20th. I feel so alone and devastated. I'm still grieving my mom very much. How do I go on and how do I help my kids.....

??????

Comments for Lost my mom, our family dog, my grandma and now my dad in 8 months........

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Sep 13, 2014
So sorry……..
by: Anonymous

First of all I want to express my condolences to you at having to deal with so many losses of your family all in such a short space of time. Words hardly cover the overwhelming feeling of loss you are feeling but they are given in a spirit of trying to help.

Feeling devastated and wondering how you can go on is the normal part of what having to face death does to someone. Everyone who comes here is looking for answers that maybe someone else has discovered to help them over the emotion and regain a sense of what was their prior experiences when their loved ones were alive. We are all here just like you are. Unfortunately there are no answers. I’ve been looking for answers for 20 months now since my husband died and there are none. It just comes down to an individual effort and desire to keep living.

My husbands death has brought me to my knees. I believe it is different for everyone depending on the depth of “love” but my life has become a slow motion train wreck. I don’t think that is true for everyone. Some reinvest their love in their children (I had none). Some believe a diety is their answer (I don’t). Some are able to somehow reinvent themselves and find peace with memories (I can’t). Each person struggles especially hard at the beginning of the journey of having such major loss. I was told to take baby steps. I still am and 20 months later I am still crawling.

Your children will look to you for the strength that you looked to your mother to provide. I think your mom would feel you need to provide for them what she did for you. I think that is probably the kind of relationship you might have had because you were that close. She would need for you to keep providing love to your children.

So be kind to yourself and don’t do more than you have to in a day and then take the rest of the time and surround your children with love. When it comes right down to it, it really is all that matters isn’t it? Make sure they know what love feels like.

Sep 12, 2014
Lost my mom, our family dog, my grandma and now my dad in 8 months.......
by: Doreen UK

Jacque I am so sorry for the immense loss you have experienced in losing a large part of your family. To lose both parents so quickly is very devastating. You have had your hands full for some time juggling so many days and months of caring and travelling miles to do this. You also have children to care for and this must have been an immense difficulty.
You need to try and get some support with finalising the admin around the loss of family. You also need to take great care of yourself at this time as you will feel stronger for the immense task ahead. Many of us have difficulty facing one loss let alone multiple losses. You may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor for support and to help you process each loss and how it has impacted your life. You will also have to care for the emotions of your children also coping with loss and who can be forgotten at this time as so much is happening that will need your attention. If you have extended family and you could call on them for support this may be helpful at this time and your children could do with the support of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Don't be afraid to call on other's for help. I had this great support when I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. It was a tremendous help and healing for me. this is a hard battle to face, but know you will get through this ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't take on too much, and don't rush grief. It is a slow healing process. You will recover in time from your grief and this is important to process as one can become lost in grief and struggle.

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