Lost my Mum after a short illness

My Mum, battled with ill Heath problems all her life. She shouldn't have had children, but did anyway. Kidney problems as a young child (surgery at 9), unhappy first marrage, catteracts (at 40) multiple aneurysms. She nearly died having my younger brother (at 22), and when her first aneurysm needed emergency surgery (she was 53).

Always there for others, it seems cruel the way she's gone. Mini stroke, followed by another one hours after discharge from hospital. She was unable to talk, and paralysed down her right side. A few days later, ten hours after being moved to a specialist stoke unit, she had her third stoke.

I've been in nursing for 17 years, I've never known such a dramatic end to a persons life. Seven short heartbreaking days. To watch a beautiful, intelligent 62 year old woman leave this world. I had to prepare everyone, call family, watch her slip away, organise the funeral and carry out her wishes.

I haven't had time to grieve. There were problems organising the service. A family member has put their request in early for a piece of jewellery! I'm scared I won't be able to carry out all my mothers wishes. Frightened for my step-dad, and how he will be after I have to leave, to go back to the city where I live now.

My only solace is that finally, she is free of the illnesses which dogged her life. I new she'd go quick. I thought it would be one of the aneurysms - not a series of strokes.

Goodbye Mum! Thank you for being the best mother in the world. Teaching me how to treat everyone as equals no matter there creed, religion or sexual preference. For showing me how to have compassion, selflessness, plus another hundred ways to being good to this world.

Comments for Lost my Mum after a short illness

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Jul 11, 2013
Lost my Mum after a short illness
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your Mum. She had such a painful life with illness that you wanted her to live but you also wanted her to be released from her suffering. Some people have such a hard life with illness that you can never remember when illness was not part of their struggle.
My husband only had 2 major illness's in his life. He worked for over 40yrs. with not even a day off work for illness. Come almost to retirement and he gets 2 of the worst illness's. ADEM. Acute Encephamylitis in 2005 which left him with a brain injury. In 2009 he got MESOTHELIOMA. A rare and serious aggressive cancer which was incurable, and inoperable. We were married 44yrs. and looking forward to his retirement. He died 14 months ago. It has been a slow way back each day from grief.
You must find time to grieve. Cry all you need to. This way you will heal from your loss, but different grief experiences for all of us. There is so much to do arranging the funeral and closing down accounts etc. that grief is put on hold till you can find the time. Most of us could testify to this. You will find out that people desert you after the funeral and go on to their busy and interesting lives without even a thought that you still exist. This carries its own pain. As you say you also find out who wants what. People become VULTURES. I invited relatives to take some things out of the garage. I watched how some relatives eagerly rented vans to take as much as they could. Don't mind that. Just the way it was done, and also the speed. If only my husband could see what is happening to me and how people are behaving he would want to come back and protect me and sort it all out. As if the grief was not bad enough, all the other things that come with a death feel like a slaughter to one's SELF. This site is the saving of all of us because you get to tell your story and Hope that most people will support you with empathy and compassion that you don't get in the outer circle where those who don't know how we feel could come across as being cold and uncaring. Even from a distance you can keep an eye and contact with your step father. He would appreciate this, also knowing that you cannot alter your life or work to be with him. Us Oldies can be understanding. I hope life treats you well and that you are able to cope with your grief. May God Comfort you with his Love and Peace.

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