Lost my only child

by Molly

The worst day of my life happened July 18 2011. This is when I learned that my wonderful, dynamic fun loving son had passed away. I had sent him away to attend basketball camp in Aspen Colorado, he was with friends and it was his first trip on his own. He was excited but I was nervous however I figured that any mom would be nervous sending there child on a trip on there own. Well he was gone 3 days and was to be back in 4 more days, he had just reached the camp on the Monday and was doing passing drills and that is when the joy of my life just collapsed never to be revived again. This wonderful experience for him turned into my nightmare and I am lost, shattered and completely empty inside. He was my best friend my only child and the love of my life. I am a single mom and now don't know how to fill my days, the future seems bleek and empty. I find that friends disappear at first I was overwhelmed with attention but now it's up to me to call and that is difficult because if I call what will I talk about I only want to talk about Quinn and I believe most everyone may not know what to say and not want to talk about him. I am trying to do all the things that I should, went back to work, joined the gym, writing in journals looking to do volunteer work, even spoke to a psychiatrist (which wasn't helpful). Anyways I am doing all these things to try and heal but I am so empty and loss and in all honesty I would just like to go to sleep and not wake up tomorrow because this journey is too hard. Everyone tells me be gentle with yourself and in time it will still hurt but not as much. I just dread the idea of going through live being some what happy and just coping.

Comments for Lost my only child

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Jul 21, 2014
by: Robet H.

Hello... I am very sorry for all of your losses. I am an only child and lost my mother on the last day of June 2012...It hurts man and it is really hurting today...I was online and I found this website...Thank God she went before me, because I see the pain you are going through. I wanted to do something so I went and visited a friend that lost a son to suicide last month. He is so hurt... doubting himself... may God give you comfort, love and understanding.

Jun 07, 2014
by: Margie

Hello Molly,

So sorry to hear of your loss. I have lost my only son on Father's Day Morning. It is almost a year now. It happened on 6/16/2013. I don't know how I am really coping with this incredible pain. I have been through grief counseling & still cannot believe I have lost my only one & best friend. Hope you are doing ok. If you would like to write back, please contact me on majf8157@aol.com. This is my e-mail address. I am hoping to hear from you soon. Good night.



Jul 24, 2013
lost my only son
by: francisca

I lost my only son on 18/7/13 .i loved him so much at first i wanted to die and join but for the sake his two elder sisters i have had strengthen myself.am angry at God for letting my son die even after brethren prayed for him.i don't know what to do i feel i have no reason n be happy for. He was a lead dancer in the children's church choir. Every time children perform in church i cant help but cry. I feel sad that my joy was withdrawn too soon.he was in first form in high school.his future was really promising. He was the inspiration behind my work as his sisters are grown up.i have no motivation for life any more.

Apr 07, 2013
I lost my only child
by: Patty

I lost my only child on Feb 7, 2013. On February 4th, I called my son's neighbor to ask him to check on him because I had been unable to contact him for a couple of days. He wasn't answering his phone, and I was very concerned because it was unlike him. He knew how much I worried, so I knew something had to be wrong. His neighbor went to his home to check on him. He found him unresponsive, so he called 911. My son was in ICU for three days. We made the difficult decision to disconnect him from life support. The doctors said that his lungs, kidneys, and liver had failed, and he had little brain activity. I didn't want to take him off life support because as long as he was on life support, I could touch him and talk to him. I felt as though someone had reached inside me and ripped half of my heart out. My mom died at 48 of prescription drug and alcohol overdose, my brother died at 50 by suicide, and now my only son dies unexpectedly at age 30. How much pain do I have to endure? I feel like so many other mothers - sometimes, I wish that I would go to sleep and not wake up. My strong faith has kept me going. Without God's help, I don't think I could have the strength to go on.

Feb 17, 2013
Lost my only child
by: Anonymous

To Molly (Canada)...We have lost our only son (child) about two years ago (22/2/2011). The pain is worse, still so surreal, break down daily...
God gave me a dear sister-in-law, whom I can call anytime. It would be good to find someone like that...someone who would just listen, and understands that she does not have to say anything.
Keeping you in my prayers, Molly.

Feb 11, 2013
life is cruel
by: Anonymous

I understand your feelings ... I lost my only son he was only 13 he was my world. After 7 years still the pain is so raw. I do not want open my eyes and want sleep forever.

Dec 30, 2012
My sweet angel
by: Anonymous

I know how all of you feel at first you don't know what to do you spend years asking yourself why? Why did this happen? He or she didn't deserve this, some of you may be thinking that you would rather it have been you because of course naturally the child is suppose to outlive the parent, not the other way around, the next time that thought crosses your mind try putting yourself in your child's shoes first, lets say it was you instead of them what would they think? Would you rather put them through the same pain that your going through of course not they are all watching us from where ever you believe that they may have went, a lot of you are probably wondering by now who is this person to tell us what to do or that they know how we feel? My name will remain anonymous I am a 23 year old marine I've been on 3 combat deployments 1 Iraq 2 to Afghanistan, on December 31st 2008 I lost my first child her name was Elizabeth or just "elli" for short she was almost 2 years old she died In a car accident we were hit by a drunk driver, I lost my second child on march 5th 2012 he died during child birth along with his mother (same mother from the first child) I also grew up homeless for most of my life without a family I know the pain of loss and I know it is hard you just have to keep moving and live for your child who would rather see you happy they love you as much as you love them and they will always be with you don't be afraid to talk about them people will understand that you're going through something tragic and the best thing for you is to have someone to listen to you and be there for you ~that's all for now any further questions, comments, or complaints email me at whitejesus6996@yahoo.com (high school nick-name don't judge)

Jul 16, 2012
Christina, God's wonderful Gift to me...
by: SugarPlumm87

That's what my loving daughter called me, MA! My only child, 22 years old, Beautiful, Creative,Heart filled with Laughter. She is my world! My inspiration! We are one!! Christina was special needs and guess what?! Growing up, I was blind. But no one cared, teachers and kids just made fun of me. I was pushed through the system and now, I'm alone and I don't know how, where,what , I don't know how to do life. Never learned it in school nor from my family. Where do I go? My husband abused us, he ended up leaving when he heard the doctors say Christina was only going to get worse. Took me 3 years to put out his garbage and try and find the strength to carry on for Christina. I don't know how I did it but I gave my baby a wonderful life! Now, I re-live my childhood! It's the same world I remember as a child-people are FN MEAN! The world is MEAN! One of my doctors said to LIVE-EVIL! I'm floored. I go to counseling but I feel stuck. No one hears my words. Why? I don't know where to go! I try and help myself but I don't know where to go! I don't know who's gonna listen and help me. I need guidance. I'm a 50 year old mom and my beautiful 22 year old baby girl lives with Jesus now. I have 3 cats left. That's it! I live in fear, I don't trust people. But I just smile my way through it. But the pain is deep. Are there others like myself that are special needs back in the day. We had no Special Ed classes like they do today...What about us now? Does anyone ever think about my generation and how we had no Special Ed. Like I said I'm 50! I love you, Christina! Mommy misses you!

Jun 11, 2012
I lost my only child on 6/29/2009
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to say I know how you feel, I lost my only child on June 29, 2009 the day before his 20th birthday. Burying your only child is the hardest thing you will have to do. Time does lessen the pain but it never goes away. I was just starting to do better and I lost my husband last month, we had been married for 14 years. Now I feel the pain is as bad if not worse than when I lost my son. I just wish I could fast forward a couple of years to see if the pain will get better. I am all alone now and have a lot of anger, I am angry at my husband for leaving me all alone, I am angry at God for taking everything from me. I know time will lessen the pain but right now it feels I will never be happy again.

Apr 18, 2012
I lost my only child @ 6
by: Maria

Hi, me too lost my only child at 6 last 5 September 2011. She was fine little girl each day growing, learning. She too like all of you was my best friend, shopping buddy, playmate, crying pal and does what everything mother and daughter would do. Very good from school, to her extra curricular activities, and as a child. All of a sudden with just a fever I lost her, and yes she too was not given a second chance unlike others.

Now after seven 7 months of losing her, the more I missed her- her hugs, kisses, love, giggles, her smell, the smiles and everything about her and she does.

Now as mother's day is fast approaching I don't know what to feel, but one thing for sure is that from that day she slept I will miss and love her until we meet again. But as everyone around me says, "for everything that happened, there is a purpose that God has ahead of us". Truly I believe that, but as if now I'm still trying to understand and accept what are HIS purpose.

I'm glad I found this site.

Feb 11, 2012
by: Anonymous

Loss of a child is the worst nightmare for any parent. We wish it never happens. A cousin of mine , young man, died last week. The mother , on hearing the news had stroke and died . This is the extreme. I thank God you are still living , like me, to remember your son in your heart. Be consoled of that later reunion coming, at the end of times. We are all here temporarily. Take heart and trust God . Join a group to keep busy. It is well.

Feb 06, 2012
Lori's mom
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your pain. I lost my daughter to cancer at 43 May 8, 2010. I still think about her every day and miss her so much. She lived on the other coast from me and I miss her frequent phone calls. She was a beautiful person. All you can do is go on the best you can. I send you peace and love.

Feb 05, 2012
lost little boy
by: Molly

Hi Sherri, I wish I had something positive to tell you but I am going through the same pain, and like you I really can't see the bright sky ahead, all I can say is remember that your son loved you and that you loved him and one day you will be together again sharing laughter and love. This is what is keeping me going so I hope it will help you, another thing is to make sure and talk about him don't keep it blocked inside that makes the pain even more intense, find some people that are willing to listen and just share your story.

Feb 03, 2012
My Little Boy
by: Sherri

I lost my Son on 7-5-11. This is the worst pain I have ever had in my life. I took 3 months off of work thinking that I would have it together by then. NOT SO. I just took another leave of absence for another month and I still don't think this is going to be enough time. I know people say that if I keep myself busy that it will be easy but it is not. I work at a hospital with babies and it is a stressful job. I need my head about me but I don't. I am just stuck. What can I do. Please Help.

Feb 01, 2012
Thank you
by: Molly

Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments I guess that is all we can do for each-other as there is no answers but to talk and reach out to others who have experienced or are experiencing this great pain that will always be un-ending. The idea of being in this pain for the remainder of your life is so depressing but the only thing to hope for is the day when we can reunite with our loved ones and for me I hope it is not too long. For me it has come to the point that when I hear of others dying I wish it were me at least I have a reason to want to leave this earth and it would save other families that loss. I do understand that we come into this world and maybe our paths are already pre marked but what a horrible trick to play on the families that have to live with this suffering and pain only if we could hear one more message from our loved ones letting us know that we will see them again and to be at peace it would surly allow us to feel ok to move on and try at life again instead of waiting for it to be over. I send my blessings and best wishes out to everyone who is suffering as I am and I pray for you to have peace.

Feb 01, 2012
Quinns Mom
by: Molly

Thank you all for your supportive comments, Quinn was just 16 when he passed away. He died from a cardiac arrithymia. It was so sudden and unexpected, the hardest thing is that he wasn't given a second chance. Sometimes you hear of things happening so incredeble a crazy accident and yet them survive it leaves you to really wonder why were they given a second chance and not my young son, he was doing what the government encourages exercising and yet he dies! There is a missing part somewhere children should not have to die through exercising its a really hard pill to swollow. If anyone wants to email me you can reach me at meme_68@hotmail.com my blessings to each and everyone of you this pain is something I wish we didn't share but we do, so thank you again for your sharing and caring.

Jan 31, 2012
I'm so sorry
by: Jen

I am so sorry for your loss.....my oldest son 23yrs old died suddenly on 10/25/2011 I was so heartbroken and still am devastated. I have some really bad days and I can relate to what you say about how people were there in the beginning but not so much so now. people forget and go on with their own lives. Today the pain I feel is the first day I've wanted to drink and medicate the pain away. I am in recovery and this is not an option but I feel like no one understands. I like what one of the ladys said about the stages of grief and loss and everyone is different and to allow ourselves that process. She also said not to self medicate which spoke to me. thank you for your story and for the responses of others - it has helped me make it through my day today! Please feel free to email me jmcdonoughrosen@hotmail.com

Jan 31, 2012
Be strong
by: Indu

Dear Molly
I understand your pain very well. My story and your story are same except I have another son to be strong for. My world turned upside down when I lost my son last July, 2011. It was the worst nightmare I have ever had. Unfortunately and unexpectedly, he took his life for no apparent reason. He was my whole world, my best friend and a very happy child. I loved him so much, he loved me the same, but what I think is when we come to this world we bring certain life time, when it's over, we have to go. No matter we like it or not. Even in the pain, I agree that it's the reality. We cannot reject the reality. Since 7 months have gone, I'm still in the same pain and agony. This is the worst ever thing that can happen to a mother. I try to make my mind, but it's not an easy thing. without my sweet child I am just surviving in this world. I wish if he can come back to me and give a hug as he used to do always.I am living my life for the other son and I have to be strong for him. Please be strong.

Jan 31, 2012
This is good therapy for us...
by: Virginia (Mobile, AL - USA)

I prayed since the first day I became a mother not to have to endure the pain of losing a child. However, I lost my youngest daughter the day after Christmas, 12-26-11 - she was 48 years old. She died of liver failure from taking too much Tylenol for her chronic pain. She never realized that acetaminophen is so deadly and she also never realized that acetaminophen is in many over-the-counter drugs we purchase. She was also taking other medications to help her like Excedrin and NyQuil which all have acetaminophen in them also. Please tell your families and friends to be very careful and to read the labels...we really do not receive proper warning for such a deadly ingredient in these drugs.
So, here I am, broken-hearted and missing my daughter and wishing things were different and that she was here with me.
May God bless all of us in this grief that we must bear and may He teach us how to walk with it. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son...there are no words sufficient enough to reach out and try to offer comfort to you. I am praying for you and the others on this site.
I just ordered a book which may help you...it is called, 'Quit Kissing My Ashes' - it is a book written by a lady who lost her son.
I am not one to offer advice because I am so new to this process....all I can say is may God bless and keep you, may He hold you very close, may He give you comfort and may His Angels come ever close and protect you until the day you and your son reunite.
A friend shared this poem with me after my daughter died....I have it printed in a frame next to one of the two of us in my living room...

My mom, she tells a lot of lies, she never did before,
but from now until she dies, she'll tell a whole lot more.
... Ask my mom how she is and because she can't explain,
she will tell a little lie because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my mom how she is, she'll say, "I'm alright"
If that's the truth then tell me, why does she cry each night?
Ask my mom how she is, she seems to cope so well,
she doesn't have a choice you see nor the strength to yell.
Ask my mom how she is, "I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping,"
For God's sake mom, just tell the truth, just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life, I loved her all of mine,
But if you ask her how she is, she'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in heaven, I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you don't listen, hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again I'll smile and I'll be bold,
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here,
Mom, with all the lies you told!"

God Bless you -

Jan 31, 2012
So Sorry
by: carol,seans mom

Molly, I also lost my son on November 15,2011. He did not get up to go to work. I have two daughters who I am trying to be strong for. Sean was my oldest and my only son. I know what you mean about how people dont want to talk about him but I do it anyways. If people are really going to be there for you they wont run when you talk about him they will join in. He was your only child, your life. What do people expect? I am finding some people are uncomfortable but many talk about him with me. We have such pain in our heart and the only way to help it is to cope. We can only cope my keeping our memories close to our heart. I wish you peace. You are strong.

Jan 31, 2012
So sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry you lost your beloved Quinn at such a tender age. You were planning a lifetime of being together and now that is gone. It takes more months to connect mind and heart after such a shock. I have come to say, after 5 years, that I carry my son in my heart and this journey I am on, will last forever until this life is over. Heaven awaits and I will see my son again. That is my hope. That gets me through the tough days. Existing gives way to surviving and eventually even thriving. The one who keeps my going is my Savior and Friend. He walks the journey with me, carrying my pack when I am willing to lay it down and let Him pick it up. As you open your heart and expose your grief to Him, talking just like you would talk to your sweetest friend who was there to listen and not judge, because that is what Jesus does. Be blessed.

Jan 31, 2012
by: Ruth from Wilmington

Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my only child suddenly in june of 2010. He was older, he would have been 28 on Jan 14th. Its the same though, the same pain, it does not diminish because he was a man. It really does get easier, not better, it could never be better. You will learn to manage your grief. Believe me, the hurt will stay with you the rest of your life. You can though have some very good days if you are willing to go through the stages, No one grieves the same. After almost 18 months, I am just now going to start going to therapy, did not do any after he died. I also know that it will be better if you do not self medicate. The temptation to drink or drug to dull the pain is great. That would truly be disasterous. If you want to talk at all more, please email me at rmattucci40@hotmail.com. Please send a picture of you dear son. I hope to talk with you.
Warm, Regards, Ruth

Jan 30, 2012
To Molly
by: Judy

Hi Molly..I just read you story and oh can I relate..I lost my daughter 10-08-12..She was 39 years old. She had a disease called RSD which required nerve blocks for the pain...Her husband left her because he couldn't deal with her disease..My husband and I brought her home to live with us so we could help her. I took her to her doctor for a normal visit and a nerve block..I don't know what happened but she stopped breathing and died from lack of oxygen to the brain.I cared for her everyday..She was my best friend and I was hers..The pain of emptyness is so bad..I have lost my mother and father and it never hurt this bad..I'm not sure what to do with myself..Your right people don't call anymore..I don't feel like leaving the house and if I did what would I do. I went to a councelor and she said I was doing as well as could be expected. Just keep moving and keep busy. I know that her birthday, and the holidays this year a going to be dreadful. I keep looking for something to read to give me the magic answer..I havn't found it yet. Good luck Molly. People do get through this.
Warm regards,

Jan 30, 2012
your wonderful child
by: grieving also

Im so sorry for your loss. I dont have the words to comfort you I believe there isnt any . I know some of your pain.I didnt realize I had felt guilty about living until 5 months had passed . It should have been me not my son .Talk about your son it has helped me .He will always be alive to us in our hearts and minds we just cant hold them . I realize my family and friends were sad but it doesnt effect them as it does us they were are everday life .And I still know he will always be I think of Rob every second of the day . The only time I dont is when Im asleep and then I pray to dream about him .I realize he was doing one of the things he enjoyed in life riding his motorcycle. It was the result of his death. He was only going 15 mph I still cant comprehend that . Hopefully you can find some help here.

Jan 30, 2012
Death OF Only Child
by: Sue

This is a mothers worst nightmare, and there is not anything we can do to change it. Our child is gone, nothing we can do, we don't want to live but have no choice. The worst part for me is the guilt feeling not being able to protect him. I feel guilty for arguments we had, but we are mothers and it is built into us to protect our children. And so we have this monster called guilt over us that we can not shake. All I can say to you is there is an appointed time for everything, we are not in control, we just have to accept things an go on the best we can. This life on earth is only temporary for everyone, but when our children die before us it is not normal in our way of thinking, we should die first, and that make us feel more guilt because we out lived our children. All I can say is PRAY to the Heavenly Father for answers, because the answers are not here on earth. My Son died 10/4/2011.

Jan 30, 2012
You didn't say how old Quin was
by: Anonymous

I am so sick and tired of people and their advice. I think you need to talk and talk until you just don't need to talk any more and you and you alone will know when that will be. I am sorry for your loss. I have had many losses and I can not tell you how difficult it is. People do, they just do not how to cope when someone dies. For some reason they believe that time will heal all, maybe it is true for some people, if given the proper supports, and even then everyone is different, everyone grieves differently. I hope you get what you need. VALIDATION. Quin was important to you. TALK TALK TALK UNTIL YOU can't talk any more.

Jan 30, 2012
loss of your child
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your son i know the pain you have yes people say the pain dulls but it never goes i lost my son in june suddenly like you he went for a sleep and didnt wake up i still cant believe it to lose a child is the worse pain a parent can feel i go to spiritualist churches and i do believe in the afterlife how can life be so cruel xxxx

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