Lost my ONLY child.

by Rachel Garza
(Port Lavaca, TX USA)

My world was turned upside down almost 2 months ago. My daughter, my only child was killed in an auto-hit and run accident. She was 27, with a bachelors degree in Education. I was so proud of her. She was the only beauty in my life. She was so beautiful. Receiving that dreaded call on June 16, 2014; Monday morning at work was just so surreal. I didn't know how to act. I know I felt tears come down my face but I couldn't cry. I refused to beleive it was her. The days following are just a blur. I miss her so much, I just want to hear her voice so bad, I want to hold her, talk to her. I want so much to dream her. I still haven't been able to cry for her. I'm afraid once i do, i won't stop. It just doesn't seem real. I'm terrified to give in. Giving in will make it REAL. I'm a single parent; her father was absent her whole life. It was just her and I only. My immediate family has been very supportive but I'm alone in this; in so many ways. I'm not married and "my" little family is no more.. I will never be anle to experience the joy of being a grand parent. My faith has become almost Non-existent!!!!! And I feel no one understands!!!! People keep comparing my grief to their grief of losing a parent. I don't see the connection????? When I start to have episodes I try SO HARD to REPRESS them. I try to think or do something else to make me laugh. It's not fair!!!. Friends have become distant. And I feel I have no one to lean on. I am terrified to give in because once I do; I will sink so low I won't be able to escape. The word "Alone" has a new meaning for me now in so many ways. It's not fair, it's just not fair. Please someone help me understand. How am i suppose to go on? Sincerely, Rachel

Comments for Lost my ONLY child.

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Sep 25, 2014
I understand
by: Fran

Your daughter is beautiful. I understand. My daughter died on August 14th from a car accident. She was a kindergarten teacher just running errands on a Monday afternoon. It all happened in a split second. I know what you mean about being afraid to cry because that would make it REAL. I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced that feeling can understand. I hope your tears come. Mine finally have. I can gain control again at least for a little while. I talk about my daughter all the time. This is my first time writing about this. I don't know what will help us. I think finding away to honor them might help. I am still finding my way. I hope you will too.

Sep 17, 2014
Loss of a son
by: Babbette

I too can feel your pain. I lost my son last year on June 16th he was murdered by a friend of his, stabbed to death from a kid who was drugged up. We had just celebrated his 22nd birthday a week before. needless to say I can relate to everything you are saying. It is beyond words and unless you experience this then they can not say they know how you feel. It's been a year for me now, but I still have days that I can't believe it's true. I relive it over and over again, that call the day my heart died, the day my baby boy was taken away from me. I have been treated like I have a plague and have lost friends over this, they just dont know what to say and I am a reminder that it can happen to you or anyone. I have cried an ocean of tears and I truly belive that those tears have been the reason I am able to feel stronger. I was put on antidressants but could not take them they masked my grief and I knew I would never be able to express my pain if I stayed on them. You need to cry and if it's every day serveral times a day then that is what you need to do. It does get easier with time but the tears will always be a part of our lives as well as the emptiness and the pain I am just trying to learn to live this life now this way. The joy in my heart is dead but I am starting to laugh again but there is not a day that goes by that my son is not on my mind and some days its all day long. I know I am not the same person and never will be, it really makes me sick at times not knowing who I am anymore and adjusting to this new frame of mind. I have learned that it is a day by day process and I just wake up and breath every day now just hoping it's a good day but I know there will be many sad ones yet to come. It's hits you out of the blue sometimes and that is normal and will be a lifetime for us now. It's acceptance that is hard, it's moving forward that we all have to do weather we like it or not. I am praying for you to get your strength and be able to cope, honey that's all we can pray for. God Bless you in this journey and know that you are not alone.

Sep 13, 2014
Lost my only son
by: Rhonda

Last Oct. 21, 2013 I got the call. My only son who had just moved in with me from living with his dad, died in his sleep of a heart condition no one knew about. Sept. 15 he would have been 21 years old. He knew what he wanted and was getting settled in to go to college here. I am dealing with year one of his birthday since his death. I cannot stop crying and I have so much grief today as it feels like the day it happened. Please, any advice from other mothers who have also lost their only child; how do I deal with this. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Sep 07, 2014
lost my only daughter 20 years ago..
by: Anonymous

-she was only 13 but very mature for her age so very mature, maybe an old soul?

the pain doesn't go away just get different but still big time P.A.I.N!

when you loose your child its THE END of the world, everything else is LOST, your dreams your future your happiness your friends, and your family so is your LIFE - gone with your child...

her birthday is coming September 21, she would be 34..cannot stop thinking what my life would be if she was here with me, ???

I am also changed person, very changed!!!
don't like myself as much any more!

there is nothing no help to kill that pain, just waiting time to meet again and this time forever...


Aug 25, 2014
by: Anonymous

Hi Rachel my name is julie I lost my son on July 6th this year and some of the things you said I have come across my mam died a thought my world came crashing down but your right comparing loosing your child to a parent does not compromise so as not to offend I just let it fall on deaf ears they will never understand my partner left me as I don't think he can cope with my grief people don't no what to say and as we are walking through this storm a friend silence can mean a lot for you as long as they are there and don't push you through your grief take yr time and each day as it comes but tears are a release valve I call them kisses to heaven and you have to shed them I'm not religiously but I do believe we go home I will light a candle in durham cathedral for u as I will for my son every Saturday also I was put on medication as it felt like my grief was on hold the only we have is our children and to me I need to hold on to it as it's all I have left him if this makes since god bless Juliet

Aug 22, 2014
Lost my ONLY child
by: Doreen UK

Rachel I am so sorry for your loss of your only child. This is the very worst experience of a mother's life. She reached an age where she would have been able to enjoy life and leave you with grandchildren that you are now denied of. You have every right to feel it is NOT FAIR!!!. No one should compare their grief experience to yours, as no two grief's are ever the same. Only the pain is.
I have heard it so often of how friends and even relatives go back to their lives and don't make contact any more, or for some time. Just the time you need close friends and family around, you are left all alone. The best way forward is by taking one day at a time. I did this and it works. I learned this on this site from other griever's. Next spend some time building yourself up so you are stronger. Don't worry too much about losing your faith. I did when my husband was not healed from his cancer and died 2yrs. ago after me nursing him for 3yrs.39 days. I did eventually get my faith back. For me life did not make any sense. I didn't want to go on in life. I saw no point. I could not engage in life for 6 months. Only then did I manage to take one or two jobs a day. I scaled back on what I couldn't do. I honoured the way I felt and I nurtured myself back into life slowly. The one thing to suffer is ones MOTIVATION. I still have this challenge. The loneliness and emptiness is the worst ever. Give yourself time to grieve. Whatever happens DO NOT REPRESS GRIEF. It will be harder later on and be more painful. If you are struggling then please go and see a grief counsellor for support. Especially so in the loss of a child/adult child. Honour the way you feel. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Cry all you need to as this is where your healing comes from. God will become your constant source of Comfort, Peace and strength. Hold on!!!.

Aug 20, 2014
My condolences
by: rach

Hi, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved grandma 3 weeks ago. She and I were the closest. I understand what I went through isn't the same as losing one's child, but I can only imagine the amount of pain that you're going through right now. I just wanted to let you know that there are people in this world who feel your pain and care about you, although we are strangers and have never met. If you need to, it might be good to see a therapist / support group to at least be able to talk about it. I'm sure your daughter knows about your deep love for her, and she wouldn't want you to be sad for too long. Again, my deepest condolences and if you can, write back to let us know how you are coping.

Aug 20, 2014
so sorry
by: the love of my life

Hi Rachel,
I so understand your pain - I too lost an only child on June 9, 2014. There is nothing but heartache, grief and disbelief that encompasses our world. I will pray for you and please know that time will help - I don't know when or how that happens but I believe it's the only saving grace. Of course professional help and support from family and friends will also help ease the pain, but time really is the key. God bless you -

Aug 20, 2014
It's not fair
by: A Daughter

No, perhaps those around you do not understand and it is not fair. The reason they compare your grief to the loss of a parent is because that is what they have to offer you. They want to relate to you because they want to be there for you, but after a while friends do become distant. They are not trained to know how to handle your loss. Often times this is a battle to face on your own, but there will always be people to help you on the way. Look for them. I can tell your daughter was a strong woman and chances are she learned it from you. A degree in education is no easy task. Mami you have to let the feelings take over you just not forever. You have to sink low so that you can stand strong. I know you can do it. I believe in you. It's going to hurt, but one day you will find purpose. She will always live in your heart. Although your faith is almost gone you are supposed to go on for her. She is an Angel always close.

I would want my mom to be the woman I know she is. Full of life, love and happiness. I would want her to live on for me. I would want her to enjoy life for me, but more importantly for herself. Think of the woman you raised your daughter to be, and be that woman now.

I have nothing to console you with, but with all my heart I wish for you to heal and live on.

A Daughter

Aug 20, 2014
Your daughter
by: Kate

Rachael , my heart can feel yours. Because I have know the shock,pain,sorrow,loss and numbness. I lost my dear and close son Nov of 2012. I felt if I felt it I would want to die too and I was afraid of the depth of my pain. I had to get it out tho so alone in my car driving on a highway I screamed his name over and over. I cried at home so hard my headache came. I didn't do this all the time but it has to come out. Pain demands to be felt and I know no pain this deep! People don't know what to say. My grandmother told me when my mom died, that losing a child is the hardest of all . I know now. One here I can express my sorrow to others who know. There is no answer as to why. It is unfair you are right!! It makes no sense. I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely daughter. Cry. Get it out. Scream why. Don't carry it,go through the pain to heal. You will never be the same but you can feel better than the first raw sorrow.

Aug 19, 2014
My heart breaks for you...
by: SoSadDad

Rachel, I am so sorry for you. It's so hard to think of something to say, because I know there is no relief for you no matter what is said. The grief, the pain, the hopelessness, the helplessness, it's all so fresh even now for me, and it's been nearly five years since Mel, 31, and just over three years since Jenn, 28, left us. Our two beautiful daughters are also gone. There is no consolation, no comfort. I wish I could say your daughter's name to you. I know how alone I felt, even though my wife and I are suffering together in this. Rachel, you don't have to do this alone. My wife also could not cry very much, and she felt bad about it. Every one has their own way of grieving. But don't deny yourself the right to grieve, to cry, to scream, whatever you need to do. No one understands how we feel, or the depth of our grief, and you really don't wnat them to. Because there's only one way...

Don't give up on your faith. easy to say, I know, because I had my doubts, especially after Jenn died. I had given her over to Him to protect and nuture, and what happened? But He did not do what I wanted. I know now, as I knew then but did not want to accept, that He has a plan far beyond my understanding. And I know where both of my girls are. He knows how you feel, but we live in a broken world. Rachel, hang in there. I can't sday it gets better, but some day you will learn better how to live with it, and how to live as your daughter would want you to live.

God bless you,

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