Lost my sister

by Eliza

My sister died when she was a baby and I was a child. The only memory I have of her is of her being ill. I don't even know when her exact birthday is because it's too painful to ask my parents.
I think about her very often though. She's be probably 18/19 know, and I often think about how much I'd love a sister. I have other siblings that I love very much, but I can't get over the hole that losing my sister has left.
I'm always incredibly envious of sisters who are close, or simply friends that act like they are sisters, because I'm often thinking about the friendship my sister and me could have had.
It has got better with time, but I will never get over this, and I will never cease to admire my parents for getting through the trauma. Nothing in my life will be worse than what has already happened.
I miss her all the time, I just wish I could have one day that we could spend together as adults, to have fun, and to be the best friends that I'm sure we would be.

Comments for Lost my sister

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Sep 23, 2013
? Anonymous
by: Anonymous

I am very surprised at the last comment How can someone resurrect the memory of a dead sister they have never met? It is your parent's loss not yours?. This is a harsh judgement.
Because you belong to a family where this loss of a sister happened means you will be affected by whatever emotional disturbances were around at this time and the only way to deal with this was to repress this whilst your parents dealt with the loss of your sister. Even though you have other siblings not all siblings will be affected the same way. The interaction and ages of your siblings will to a degree have a bearing on why you feel the loss of your sister perhaps more than the others. No person can make a snap judgement based on your brief account of what happened. Family dynamics play a strong part in how the family evolve as a unit and how each perceives their place in the family. It is not uncommon for each child to feel something different from their loss. Best thing to do is seek counselling. Whatever repressed memories you have will resurface. You will deal with the pain and it won't ever bother you again. You will be able to become more emotionally healthy and move forward better with your life. But you still need to speak to your parents whilst they are still alive otherwise you will lose part of your history. Something deeper is going on in your family that you find it difficult to broach the loss of your sister with them. It could also be the clue to why you feel the way you do. A good counsellor could unravel any mystery to the loss that has left you scarred. If you do nothing your life will be limited and you will be stuck in a type of limbo wondering all the time about what is going on inside you. Don't be afraid. I have done the counselling bit. I resolved my repressed memories and have moved in strides and never happier for the experience of counselling. I found a great FREEDOM. What may be happening to you is your repressed memories are now pressing for resolution. We reach an age in life where memories bother us and we wonder why. Unless you make an effort to work with a trained person who can help you then you will become stuck and find it difficult to move on in life. Best wishes.

Sep 20, 2013
by: Anonymous

How does one miss a dead infant whom they cannot even remember?? This wasn't YOUR loss, it was your parents'. It sounds as if you're resurrecting the issue for attention -- from your parents, from potential sympathizers, but mostly on account of your obsession with having a close female friend. Try joining a book club or meetup.com.

Aug 29, 2013
Lost my sister
by: Doreen U.K.

Eliza I am sorry for your loss of your sister when young. I think it is human nature to wonder what your sister would have turned out to be? How close a relationship you could have had, and all the other pleasures of going shopping together and sharing each other and children if this happened. I have 4 sisters. 1 lives in Canada, and 1 in Australia. They have lived overseas for over 40yrs. There is 3 of us here in England, and only one brother living in Scotland. It is nice to have a lot of siblings. But it also does have a lot of problems that come also. But we do have fond memories and some sadness also of losses. But I guess it is good to appreciate what I have. Life can be very sad for a lot of people and many grow up with this Void in their life. Perhaps you may meet a friend who can become closer than a sister. Most of us wish for this and few of us get this experience. There is a bond between sisters that is a fulfilling experience. It is the wondering all the time that can be crushing. Perhaps you may feel better if you can get some information from your parents before they pass on otherwise you may never know anything and wish you had asked. Your mother may be O.K. to talk of the child she lost since it has been some time ago. Let your mum know you need some of the gaps to be filled in for you, and you need to know your history and to preserve it.

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